I hope I'm wrong

[Hopeful59]

But I've got that funny feeling again that something isn't right. H acting distance and uninterested, making excuses, can't seem to come to bed at the same time I do. Makes me wonder. I do have a filter on the computer, but (as we all know) there are ways to cheat.

I hate this.

[Devastated2]

I know that feeling & it is awful!!! I hope you are wrong too. Hang in there!
(((hugs)))

But I've got that funny feeling again that something isn't right. H acting distance and uninterested, making excuses, can't seem to come to bed at the same time I do. Makes me wonder. I do have a filter on the computer, but (as we all know) there are ways to cheat.

I hate this.

[metalfossil]

Hello Hopeful59,

I seriously also hope you are wrong. When I've slipped I know that I have obvious signs. I also know that L knows these signs like the back of her hand. In other words, I know that she knows...I seriously wish I could reach out a helping hand to all the SOs that are suffering from their partners addiction to p. I only hope that by passing my thoughts on to the marvellous people here I can take the pain away a tiny bit.

Stay strong.

MF

But I've got that funny feeling again that something isn't right. H acting distance and uninterested, making excuses, can't seem to come to bed at the same time I do. Makes me wonder. I do have a filter on the computer, but (as we all know) there are ways to cheat.

I hate this.

[Disillusioned]

Hi Hopeful59,
Sorry you are feeling suspicious. Sorry it feels a bit like policing a full-grown adult. Sorry you have been lied to and misled in the past.
Hope you wake up tomorrow and find a transparency that gives you peace. Best wishes to you. I know what this is like. You don't want to say anything, you want to trust, but you did before, and that didn't work out very well.
disillusioned

[Hopeful59]

Thanks for your responses. At this time, I really don't know, but certainly all the signs were there. Plus H has been home alone a lot (off work) and that's not a good thing for him.

I read through other people's posts and just cringe. I hate every thing about P. It is vile, disgusting, evil. And it is so devastating to find out the person you love wants to participate in those disgusting behaviors, that he's thinking such vile things. I still struggle with knowing that. Even after D-day, when he repented and swore he was done with it all, I was pretty sure he still wanted it, that the addiction was still there. And knowing that there are so many whore-ish women out there willing to do anything for $$ and attention is disheartening. It's up to the P-addict to say no; we can't protect them from themselves.

[Hipparchia]

Dear Hopeful
Like you I recently had the hunch that my 3 years 'sober' H had relapsed - it was just intuition and a number of very small clues -

I tried two things - I asked him directly. Denial. I searched the laptop history - he'd deleted, obviously - but there are other ways of finding internet history if you're computer savvy enough and I'm sorry to say the evidence was there. I hated finding it - hated having to confront him with the evidence - but I just knew and my intuition was right.

The alternative to searching the laptop was for me to go on suspecting and for him to continue viewing and deceiving both himself and me.

Like you I was never 100% convinced that he was giving up for the right reasons.

Rather than see the activity as vile though, I do think it's helpful to understand the reasons why some men are using it as a way to respond to their own needs, I know it's not a good way for them to respond to those needs and that's not to condone it, but to understand it can help to extend the sympathy they need.

All the best
Hipparchia