Don't you understand?

[Charly22]

Don't you understand what it does to my desire for you, when you allow yourself to lust after something/someone other than me?

Don't you understand that when you attention is focused on looking at all these other women that it diminishes my ability and desire?

Don't you understand that it makes you unattractive when I know you are obsessing about p, obsessing about enjoying someone else's body other than my own?

Don't you understand that it doesn't matter if it is a real live woman standing in front of you, or one from a magazine or dvd or website, it's the same effect inside your head?

Don't you understand that p makes me feel like I am "sharing" you?

Don't you understand that I don't want to feel cheapened, and the influence p has on you cheapens our intimacy?

Don't you understand p is a lie?

Don't you understand that those p stars are not enjoying what they are doing?

Don't you understand that p destroys the one sacred part of our relationship that is supposed to be meant for just you and I?

Don't you understand that I married you in order to be exclusive?

Don't you understand that p consumes you, and drags you off into this pit of isolation and loneliness and bitterness and absolutly no satisfaction at all?

Don't you understand that I am here for you, no matter what?

Don't you understand that I crave YOU....and I have to observe you crave something else?

Don't you understand that a relationship cannot survive a p obsession?

Don't you understand that "just a little" is a trap?

Don't you understand what happens within me, when you reach or desire for p?

Don't you understand that this is not my fault?

Don't you understand that p is an enemy?

Don't you understand....

[IN NEED OF HELP]

WOW

This is something, that ALL PA's need to look at and read. for me, this is a very realistic reminder, of how, my SO will feel, If I was Stupid enough, to give in to this addiction again.

I am so sorry, that ALL of us ADDICTS, makes our Beautiful SO's feel this way. I AM SO SORRY

[stillandagain]

Don't you understand . . .

. . . that to feel like I am not "enough" is toxic to my self-image, my self-esteem, mySELF?

. . . that to fear your lying all the time is dangerously distracting for me - everywhere I live!

. . . that I LOVE you, but still will let you go if you choose P over me?

. . . that I LOVE you this much: to not condone the behavior between us, ever again?

. . . that it hutrs so much sometimes, so much that it physically hurts - the betrayal, the pain, the lies, the fear?

Don't you understand . . .

[Charly22]

"....that I LOVE you this much: to not condone the behavior between us, ever again?"

That's some genuine, real, underneath it all truth right there!!!!

[JenMac]

Very powerful Charly! I will come back to this!

Jenn

[edjames71]

This is very powerful. Thank you so much.

[clm]

Don't you understand that your P addiction and its consequences have change me forever?

[HopefulsRock]

Charly... I understand completely when I read it put so plainly, thank you!

I'll be honest though... there are a few that I never quite thought of in that way before, like how it makes us PA's unatractive and less desireable to our SO's... and the feeling like you have to share us... and how it cheapens us and the intimacy between our partners... and I although I truly get what a nasty, dirty secret addiction it is I never really looked at it as an enemy! ...but I will now because that helps me to put it in it's proper place - I hate it and what I allowed it to do to me!

I understand better now... thanks again!

[Mac]

What a great post Charly
I feel like I get all these things now (at this point in my recovery) but it was tough to come to understand it all.
When i look at the list, some of the things just hit me and I understood right away. Other things I came to understand them at a lot of different levels as I went along. Like i would feel like i understood and then something would happen to make me realize that I understood at a deeper level.
This list, when I really stop and go through it, it makes me realize why i had so much gulit and shame. To not have huge guilt and shame is to not understand all the stuff you have in your post.
Thanks for sharing this, i hope all the PA's here see it.

Mac

[RichBlack]

I know this is the Partner's side of the board so I will keep this brief. Just wanted to express my thanks for this thread. Alot of valuable input. "Don't you understand what it does to my desire for you, when you allow yourself to lust after something/someone other than me?" Can this ever be fixed? Will things ever be the same? What if your partner never acted out again? Would your view of him/her rebuild to the point where there isn't any pain? Just curious. Again, thanks for the thread.

Rich