New SO

[BrokenHeartedAgain]

Hi.. I am a SO. This is probably the 5th time I've caught my husband over the course of almost 15 years... each time has been incredibly painful always with promises he'll never do it again.... yet here we are.

I am an empty, hollow shell of a person right now... I'm in so much pain and I DON'T want to be here. I feel like I need the support but it's almost too much pain to even come here and log in.

Hoping for help and answers.

Please tell me where to begin here in this forum.. what do most people post or do first?

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Hi Brokenhearted,

I know how you feel. I came here over 1.5 years ago, and I didn't want to be here or anywhere. But, you have come to a good place.

People normally start with a journal, you can make one in the SO Journal's section. Most people just give a little background info on their situation, and then the rest of us post back and tell you aren't alone and give you support and share experiences.

Is your husband here? Is he actively seeking recovery? I am sure you know after your experiences that words are pretty useless and you need to see action.

Welcome to TTF, it sucks to have to be here, but it is a wonderful community of people who know what you are going through. I pray things get better for you.

[JenMac]

Hi BrokenHeartedAgain!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you have found your way here! Coming here was the best thing I had done for myself in a long time! It has been a true blessing in my life!
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing BHA! It is a tremendous burden when we first find ourselves in this position. It can send us spiralling down into such a difficult place and I sense that is where you find yourself right now.
There is much wisdom and support to be found here BHA! I have found so much encouragement and support here that I could not count on elsewhere.
I encourage you to start your own joural in the SO journal section. By putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper, there is often a huge healing power that comes from that. I have always found it that way and I hope that you do too. It is also suggested that you put your thoughts and feelings together into a letter for your partner. I did that when I first came here and it was very instrumental in the path that my H and I were to take.
I know it is so hard to do BHA, but you need to look after yourself first in all of this. You didn't cause this and you can't cure it but you can find your way through the trauma to a better place. Don't be afraid to set your boundaries, speak up for what you need to feel safe in your relationship. If you are not able at this time, go easy, as you can always do this when you feel more able.
BHA, I have been here for over a year and I can tell you that while it is so difficult at this moment in time, it will become easier. The ups and downs of this are extreme but they do lesson with time and no matter what is to come of your relationship, you will discover a strength that you did not know you have, that I am sure of!
Take care of you BHA!
Sending you huge hugs and prayers!!
Jenn

[cvanden]

You aren't alone. Sometimes that is the most powerful message you can receive so I'll say it again. You aren't alone.

Sending cyber support,
Colleen

[BrokenHeartedAgain]

thank you so much for the welcomes and the replies... and to know I am not alone even though it sucks that you are in the same pain is very helpful and comforting.

[Disillusioned]

Hi BHA, I've been knocked off balance by some things that I felt were not indicative of recovery on my H's last trip, but I wanted to share something with you that helped me understand a little better. I know you are hungry for answers too....

http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/brain.pdf

The Psychopharmacology of Pictorial
Pornography
Restructuring Brain, Mind & Memory
&
Subverting Freedom of Speech


I think I finally see how my H whom I have known since 6th grade, left the fine moral man I married and became someone I didn't know.

Might also recommend Gail Dines lecture from Boston. There are some pictures used as illustrations in this, so you might want to wait for some alone time to read.

I sure hope he straightens out and becomes the better man he should and could be. I know you are worth it. I know you think he's worth it.
disillusioned