Book for PAs on supporting spouse?

[vintageturtle]

So I have seen plenty of books for SOs, to help them deal with their hurt over a PA, and books and resources for helping a PA. Is there anything out there for PAs, to help them help their SO? I found it helpful to have insight to H's problems. But my H doesn't have anything like that to help him understand me.

[rosie]

So I have seen plenty of books for SOs, to help them deal with their hurt over a PA, and books and resources for helping a PA. Is there anything out there for PAs, to help them help their SO? I found it helpful to have insight to H's problems. But my H doesn't have anything like that to help him understand me.

TTF SO journal section ;)

Sorry I have nothin' else.

[Crisodian]

AG found The Porn Trap very enlightening when it came to the pain an SO goes through.

Peace,
~C~

[stillandagain]

Beanhead is now reading The Porn Trap, often sharing out loud with me. We like the tone of it.

[vintageturtle]

Ah -- we have The Porn Trap and I've started reading it, but I haven't made it very far. I have thought about reading it aloud with H. Maybe it would be a good place to start. Does it touch on the effects P has on relationships & on the spouse?

[Crisodian]

The Porn Trap definitely shares stories of the impact of PA on the SO and the relationship. If memory serves, I believe there's a whole chapter on it (...it's been a while since I read it.) I just remember the SO portion really hit AG hard.

[Hibiscus]

I just ordered it myself a week or two ago. I initially skimmed the entire book and am now taking my time reading it thoroughly. I really like the approach and writing style. It strikes me as an excellent book to encourage a PA to start with since the writers take a very non-judgemental approach. They are a husband & wife writing team and are both therapists.

The book is divided into two sections, each with 6 chapters.

Part One: Becoming Aware

1. The Hidden Power of Porn
2. First Encounters
3. The Porn Relationship
4. To See or Not to See - The Consequences of Porn
5. Partners in Pain
6. Hitting Bottom

Part Two: Healing

7. Getting Motivated to Quit Porn
8. Six Basic Action Steps
9. Handling and Preventing Relapses
10. Healing as a Couple
11. A New Approach to Sex
12. True Freedom and Fullfillment


The book walks you through all major aspects of the addiction process - from that first encounter and the effect it can have, to the point it evolves into a problem, to it's effect on the people who love the PA, to guiding people through the recovery process and healing damaged relationships. My husband has agreed to read it and discuss it with me. I'll let you know how that goes...we shall see.

[vintageturtle]

Thanks -- I skipped ahead and read "Partners in Pain" yesterday to get a feel for it. I think it will be helpful -- honest, but not harsh.

[artguy34]

There are many reasons why I like The Porn Trap. Not only did it give me insight as to how damaging the effects of my addiction was, it made me feel that I could achieve recovery. This is very essential when you are at your lowest point in life and are consumed with doubt. After reading this book, I felt that there was a chance to save my marriage. Along with my wife, the book gave me hope!

There are many different factors to recovery. This book is but one tool. I hope anyone who reads it understands that it is a tool only. It can lead you to water, but it can't make you drink it. You have to "want" to heal in order for the book to be effective!

Good Luck.

AG

[debv]

Most of what I've seen discussing SOs paints SOs as co-addicts. I wasn't a co-addict; I didn't even know about DW's addiction. He'd done that good a job (if you can call it good) of creating a double life and hiding the truth from me. I was compeltely and thoroughly traumatized by the whole thing when I found out. I still am, really. But I haven't seen anything written about SOs who were completely in the dark and completely disgusted and traumatized by the whole thing. Admittedly I haven't read loads of stuff, but what I've seen doesn't address me and my feelings at all.