Hello

[cvanden]

I'm not even sure where to start but as I am new here, I thought it important to say "hello".

My almost fifteen year marriage to a sex addict is coming to an end. After all the years of being in the cycle of discovery and denial I've finally just hit my wall and can't do it anymore. He is having a very difficult time with it as he sees it as me giving up on and abandoning him when he is finally ready to make changes.

For now I'm moving forward on healing myself from the years of lies, lowered self esteem and shattered dreams. At this point all I'm asking of him is to get healthy for himself and our children. I can't picture attempting to fix or rekindle our marriage.

It seems that a vast majority of folks here are walking the path of recovery with their addicted partners. Anyone else out there like me?

Looking forward to learning from you all,
Colleen

[Hopeful]

Hi cvanden,

All I can say is that when he comes to the realization as to what this does to him and in turn the way he treats you and everyone else in his life...that's when feelings will change for you.
There is a list of the 14 denials...when I emailed this to my H (HopefulsRock) he did have a hard time realizing that he was in denial.

Checklist: 14 types of denial

Maybe if you email this to him and discuss it...he can start to realize what this is doing to him? There always is hope. After all, the man you married is still inside there...you just might have to help him find that person again.

I'm so sorry you are here but you have also found a great site to get help.

[rosie]

Hi and welcome :) Nice to see you here, but sorry to hear that you are too experiencing this hellish ride alongside us :(

I have been very close to divorce (filling out the forms) along this ride, but have not gone through with it. I have been with my husband for 10 years, and am too, extremely tired of this horrible presence in our relationship and life - I am ready to walk out the door if he does not continue to make steps in recovery, so I emotionally get where you are at - although situationally I am not there.

He is having a very difficult time with it as he sees it as me giving up on and abandoning him when he is finally ready to make changes.

My husband said this to me too; and my thoughts were, well, too bad so sad! 15 years you say? Well, that was 15 years of no doubt neglect and hurt for you - and that is 15 years too long! I do not blame you for wanting to walk away from it.. it takes immense commitment to want to stick through with recovery and I find it incredibly difficult - I still think about divorce nearly every day.

I hope for your sake that you find the healing you need here - no matter what eventuates with your marriage, whether you divorce or one day reunite, or whatever, it's great that you are here to get support for YOU.

Take care, and hope to see you around more :)

[JenMac]

Hi Cvanden!
I am glad you have found us!! Regardless of where you are in your relationship, TTF is a good place for you to be.
I knew from the onset of this discovery that whether I chose to stay in my marriage or not, I needed to find healing for myself. If I had chosen to end my marriage, I would still need to work on my own recovery from this trauma in my life.
Now I chose to stay, but that was only after months of recovery work on both of our parts. It was only then that I realized that my 34 year marriage was well worth saving.
Cvanden, I know you will find support, friendship and healing at TTF, whether your marriage continues or ends. There are many wise and wonderful people here!
I encourage you to start a journal in the SO journal section and begin to tell your story. I have always found it helpful to write out my thoughts and feelings. There is something very freeing about doing so!
I wish you all the best Cvanden!
So sorry for the place you find yourself at this time!!
Jenn