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About LinkBacksI think this has been posted before, but it is new to me this week and really spoke truth to me, about me and about my PA H. Hope you find it helpful to you as well.
The Porn Healing Paradox
He Recognizes His Problem with Porn And Is Getting Better So Why Do I Feel Worse?
He
* Feels a new level of honesty and truthfulness
* Has a new level of appreciation for the marriage bond
* Finally has the accountability he was looking for
* Loves her more than he ever has before
She
* Feels the level of his disloyalty and deceit more intensely
* Is saddened to realize how little the marriage has meant to him
* Senses the shame and secrecy of being married to an addict
* Has never felt less loved,valued or secure
Bottom Line: He wants congratulations for something that makes you want to throw up.
The emotions listed above are true and valid for both the man and woman yet are polar opposite. Why does this happen? He has been holding these feelings for a long time and is very familiar with them. It is a welcome relief for him to disclose his secrets and come clean. Sharing his burden with you means you now get to grieve over the loss of the relationship as you knew it to be. You get to feel some level of the shame he felt. You also have a finely tuned sense of distrust towards all of his actions. Welcome to the temporary insanity that healing from a porn addiction brings to a couple.
Be aware of the porn healing paradox as both of you move forward. Share this with him so he understands and appreciates your viewpoint as both of you work on becoming whole again. He needs to continue to earn your trust. And you need to continue to work on healing yourself and becoming open to trust again.
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Thread: The Healing Paradox
- 04-05-2011 07:38 PM #1
is still here!I am:
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The Healing Paradox
Last edited by Phil413; 04-05-2011 at 08:17 PM. Reason: typo in title
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt,
those who keep silence hurt more.” - C.S. Lewis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to stillandagain For This Useful Post:
Disillusioned (04-07-2011), Hopeful (04-06-2011), JenMac (04-06-2011), TooSensitive (05-10-2011), Zachary (04-06-2011)
- 04-06-2011 01:48 PM #2
is a carbon based lifeform.I am:
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This is exactly what my SO and I are going through right now, it seems. Thank you for posting this.
We do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.
Andrea Dworkin, Letters From A War Zone: Writings 1976-1987
- 04-06-2011 02:16 PM #3 loving TTFI am:
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My SO recently commented after our last argument about P that, now that he has stopped watching it [for now...], "Our s** will get so much better now." Gee, thanks for thinking of me all along, SO!! :/
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