S.O. Relapse?

[stillandagain]

Is there such a thing as an S.O. "relapse?"

Its been a month since this last "discovery"
we are riding the emotional roller coaster, for the most part together
its really hard to hear what I need to hear, and say what I need to say, but I/we are trying.

its really hard

but I feel my anger and hurt escalating

do we SO's go through recovery cycles, too?

X_X

[StollenHeart]

I want to know this too. You and I seem to be in the same time frame. Sam emotional mess lol.

SH=((

[Hopeful]

Stillandagain & StollenHeart,

Yes we do. Somedays you can feel so good and then...BAM...you are so down you think it's never gonna end.

All I can tell you is that over time the ups can start to last longer than the downs and then eventually you will start to recover quicker when something upsets you. And yes, it can happen out of the blue...its just your feelings and you are working through them.

Good luck to the both of you and it will get better but you cannot rush healing, no matter how hard you want to.

[Crisodian]

I'll second what Hopeful said. Healing as an SO is a wicked ride. Roller coaster comes to mind as a good analog but sometimes it feels like the ride will never end, unlike a coaster which eventually comes to a stop! :) Early recovery is more like a carrousel. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

The ups and downs do get better and farther apart as healing progresses. Longer "up" times, and less hard down times.

It does get better. There's no time line. There's no magic that makes it all get better and go away, unfortunately. Make sure you take care of you when the down times hit.

Find peace,
~C~

[stillandagain]

This "wicked ride" has taken a spiralling slide down into rage and hurt and pain. I have been lashing out, accusing. It feels horrible, but I cannot stop myself.

God help me

[rosie]

I'll second what Hopeful said. Healing as an SO is a wicked ride. Roller coaster comes to mind as a good analog but sometimes it feels like the ride will never end, unlike a coaster which eventually comes to a stop! :) Early recovery is more like a carrousel. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

The ups and downs do get better and farther apart as healing progresses. Longer "up" times, and less hard down times.

It does get better. There's no time line. There's no magic that makes it all get better and go away, unfortunately. Make sure you take care of you when the down times hit.

Find peace,
~C~

Agree with Cris. If you read my journal you will see me talking about 'acting out' myself with anger and sadness. It is ALWAYS triggered by fear...fear of what MIGHT happen, or past hurt. What i find helps is if i centre myself and stop THINKING and start just BEING - i get in touch with my fears and it can help stop the cycle.

It's damn hard, though. Hugs to you.

[stillandagain]

I really hate this wild ride

[JenMac]

HI Stillandagain,
I know it won't feel like it to you but a month is not a very long time when we are dealing with this. I am sorry to say but it is to be expected that your emotions will still be up and down all over the place, as you are still reeling from the shock and trauma of it all.
I don't know if you will be able to do this S, but can you try to separate your feelings from your actions at all? For me, it helped that I could just think about it as my feelings. Feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are. I was able to tell myself that I was safe and that I would be okay. I prayed a lot for strength and guidance and I am not a religious person.
I was asked if I would contribute the fact that I had very little anger to my Alanon program and I would say that in a way that is the case, but I was able to kind of operate on 2 different levels, one in which I was able to be level headed and communicate and support my H and the other where I dropped into this pit of emotion that I had to deal with. On those days I just took the time to look after myself, to deal with what I needed to and to wallow in it if I felt the need. Then I picked myself back up and got on with it.
YOu are entitled to all that you are feeling! You should not apologize for that at all! But be careful to not let it sweep you away so that you are unable to pull yourself out of it. That is not healthy for your own wellbeing. And that is what you need to be concerned about at this moment in time. You.
Don't let it consume you S!
My counsellor asked me if this is the worst that could happen to me in my life. I didn't particularly like that question at the time but she was trying to put things into perspective for me.
What I did do for myself was to build my strength and to know that I would be okay, however things worked out between my H and I.
You are strong too S! Pull on that inner strength to help you through this!
Jenn