Angry today

[transitionalgrace]

IMO anger is a feeling, an emotion and a good one. Rosie, you are right, anger can motivate people to act and/or react. It often triggers the "fight or flight" response. You are also right about our society expecting people to bury or "put a false mask" on our anger. When we do this, our anger continues to build up like gas in a bottle and sooner or later it will explode unless we deal with it. When we don't identify and work through our anger, we can be certain that nothing positive will happen. We also need to identify what triggered our feelings of anger and resolve those issues. If not we will continue to carry that anger until we do.

Just my opinion! have a great day.

[JenMac]

Hi guys!
Strangely enough I did not feel much anger through this! I felt a lot of sadness, grief but not anger.
I know some of you have heard me say this before, but there is a saying, 'anger is hurt turned outward'. I believe that is true.
For me, anger seemed like a lesser emotion in regards to this. The crushing hurt was so much stronger. Also I just could not muster up the energy for anger in the beginning. I think I was bordering on depression so I had no energy at that time.
The only times I felt anger were when I saw any downplaying by Mac. Then the anger was instantanious and strong. But that only happened a couple of times.
I don't feel like I buried my anger either. It just wasn't there.
This week was the one year anniversary. And I have to say that I have found myself feeling a little irritated, perhaps angry yes, now. I took myself through the past year and so I have been doing lots of thinking about that time and that hurt. So yes, I am feeling anger the last couple of days. And yes, I will deal with those feelings.
I learned in Alanon, a feeling is a feeling. It can't hurt you unless you allow it. It is just a feeling. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings. Realize how they are affecting you and why they are affecting you that way.
For myself, I know I am hurt by the past. But I also know that I am in a good place. I am strong and I can care for myself. I have the power to nourish my soul and to find healing for myself.
So I do believe we have to work through all of these feelings! I would just worry about getting stuck there. I was warned early on by someone here not to get stuck in the bitterness and I remembered that to this day.
You have every right to be angry! You don't have to downplay it, you should express it! Just don't use it against yourself by feeding it.
You are the most important person here, treat yourself kindly!!
Jenn

[HopefulsRock]

Stillandagain I'm sorry for the way your feeling and hope that some of the guidance here will help. I believe Transitionalgrace is an actual nurse and what she's telling you carries great credibility;

Anger is a good emotion as long as we don't over react to it. Anger can cause some mighty good changes in our lives. So be angry and feel good about being able to admit to it. Good job, it's part of the grieving process, which is what you are going through. We've been there and although it's not easy to admit to or express, our anger has helped us face our journey

and I believe also this is a very important point she states;

Another thing we must remember is that with every loss, we experience what is called secondary losses, things that we will miss due to the change in the relationship or life.

So I agree that there's a reason for your anger and you should direct it at the person who caused it and make sure he knows how you feel and why your angry. Right now he needs to know whats happening to you and somewhere down the road he can deal with what happened to him a long time ago.
Carrying anger around with you only causes you undo stress which causes you to act irrationally instead of level headed. Beware of those who want you to keep that anger bottled up and use it as some kind of motivational tool in your life because if you look at those kind of folks you'll realize that they go through life like a Jekyll & Hyde, bouncing back and forth and conflicting with themselves and never really getting anywhere...

I'm hoping for a successful recovery for you PA and the necessary healing for you.

[Randomusername]

I like rosie's definition of anger and I mostly agree with her, but, for me, anger definitely has an emotional component that I could not put on either fear or sadness. I really do think it is a defense mechanism that helps to prevent us from being wronged again. Perhaps the obnoxious thing about anger (for me atleast) is that when it comes to me- it is so random. Times where it doesn't make sense to be angry, nor would it be productive either. It has only been a month or so for me, and the anger does seem less frequent and less intense than it was (probably from spilling my emotions to me h a million times). But when it does hit, I am often super annoyed that I have ANOTHER thing to get off of my chest and why am I thinking about it at this time? Anyway, talking about my anger and my sadness and my fears really have brought me closer to my husband. In a twisted horrible way I am glad to have found out about the problem because I am so much happier(generally) with my relationship with him even when I didnt have the feelings of betrayal. I know we have a long way to go, and that this will take a life time of effort. I also think it is important to acknowledge the progress we have made and to be grateful for it as well.