Who are YOU and what do YOU love?

[rosie]

I'm inspired by Charly in posting this.

Who are the SO's on here? What do you love? What is your life like? What makes you smile?

:)

[TooSensitive]

No takers yet? Maybe with yesterday being Valentine’s Day and some of us were lucky enough to be celebrating in some sort of way, it wasn’t as busy here as it sometimes is. I too am inspired by Charly and how she has let us see into her heart and her life. And Rosie, I hope you too let us know the answers to your own questions, so that we can get to know you a bit better, too!

What do I love? I love how far I’ve come in the past year in my own healing. I love that I haven’t yet reached my peak with that, and that I still have more healing to look forward to. I love that I am in a place where I want to become a better person, and the best “I” can be. I love honesty and truth, even when those hurt, and even if it seems I’d rather be told anything but, and even when it is difficult to be honest. I love long, deep, meaningful conversations with those I care for and those I love. I love feeling close to another – I love that feeling of emotional intimacy. I love when I am able to make a difference in someone else’s day or even their life, for that matter. I love that I am done having children (I think!) and that the next children to come along will hopefully be my grandchildren. I love that as I age, who I am on the inside feels so much more important to me than how I look on the outside. I love how I am gaining wisdom, a little bit more with each passing year, and that my wisdom has nothing to do with books and education and trivia, and everything to do with life itself. I love how I am gaining a finer appreciation for the simpler things in life and how what used to feel less important, is in fact more important. I love that I am putting things in their proper perspective. I love that I am not taking things for granted in the same ways I once did. I love that I am no longer a perfectionist; I love that I can now laugh at my own mistakes, so long as they don’t hurt anyone else. I love that I have the ability to at least some of the time recognize and then admit the mistakes I have made, that do hurt someone else. I love that I don’t feel guilty for too long, and only for as long as feeling that serves its purpose in helping me avoid making that same mistake again. I love that my Mom is finally happy, for what seems like the first time in her life, at the age of 75. I love my spirituality, my connection to God, my long-deceased Dad being a guardian angel to not only me, but also to both my sons. I love the wonder and awe I feel, if I happen to have what I will call a “spiritual” experience (when it involves God); or a “paranormal” experience (when it involves a ghost, spirit, entity, or whatever you want to call them). I love that sometimes, I can see through to the other dimensions, or the other dimensions show themselves to me. It is really just those from the afterlife coming to visit. I love that I don’t believe life ceases to exist, just b/c we stop breathing here on this Earth. I love that I have a strong belief in the afterlife and that we do move on to a better place. I love how open and free my mind is, when it comes to mysterious concepts which cannot be proven, that some refuse to embrace. I love my talks with God. I love when I can feel God so close, I can almost touch him. I love going to my mood disorder support group and giving back as much as I can, by being one of the group’s facilitators, doing admin work for them, and running the treasury for them; besides being supportive outside of meetings to the friends I’ve made there. I love how through having to rob Peter to pay Paul, I have developed a keen sense in budgeting money, when there is a lack of that in the bank. I love how I feel so alive when I cry. I love how I’ve learned how to work through pain, when it hits. I love my ability to empathize with others. I love that I am a caring and intelligent person, who is not prejudiced, and who typically does not judge. I love that if I have, I am quick to recognize that (I think). I love going to see my therapist. I love that I recognize how far I still have to go, despite all the healing I’ve already managed to accomplish.

It goes without saying that I love h, I love both my sons, I love my Mom, and I love and adore our pets (1 dog and 1 cat), as well as so many other people, like my sister and her family, other relatives, g/f’s, friends I’ve made in my support group, and friends I’ve made on-line, too!

I love to write. Journaling, threads, replies, e-mails, letters, articles, short stories, you name it. I love to write! I love that I’ve already gotten 3 short stories published. I love that I am gearing up to write a whole book of my own. I love photography and taking pictures at family gatherings, of our pets, of old vacant and abandoned buildings that have a haunting character with their overgrown vines, of old cemetaries, and of sunsets or anything scenic. I love dancing. I love music. I love to sing. I love jukeboxes. I love watching movies. I love analyzing dreams. I love watching gymnastics and figure skating competitions and exhibitions. I love the outdoors, when the weather is warmer. I love the snow, when I can watch it falling from inside my home, where it’s warm and cozy. I love being wrapped up in blankets and layer upon layer of clothing, when it is that cold. I love antiques. I love big old homes with open front porches. I love newborn babies. I love being a Mom; I love when my sons allow me to mother them, if they happen to need that. I love farm animals, esp. pigs. I love my collection of stuffed pigs and porcelain pigs. I love wildlife, esp. when we have visitors in our own backyard. I love visiting zoos and old jails. I love local history. I love the NJ Pine Barrens. I love street festivals. I love the mountains. I love the countryside and long and winding roads. I love senior citizens, people with accents, and anyone and anything eccentric. I love sushi and spicy food and tuna and egg salad and hummus and heirloom tomatoes and Bloody Marys; I love eggs any which way you want to cook them. I love trees and plants and flowers, wildflowers especially. I love to watch birds, hummingbirds especially. I love the circus. I love rollercoasters and go-karts. I love motorcycles. I love taking walks and riding my bicycle, whether alone or with company. I love fireworks. I love playing cards, mostly Solitaire, Spades and Rummy. I love that h hardly ever wins! I love that I am still young-at-heart and still a kid in many ways. I love that I am rediscovering myself and rebuilding myself from the inside out. I love that I have learned how to manage my depressive episodes due to being affected with bipolar. I love that I have stopped having panic attacks. I love that I am learning how to manage being a partner. I love that I mostly have good days now and not as many bad days. I love the sense of hope and inner peace I now have at times. I love that I’ve regained the ability to find the silver lining in a bad situation, b/c it is always there.

I love sitting outside with h in our gazebo, sipping drinks and talking, in the spring, summer, and fall. I love sitting outside anywhere with h, for that matter. I love going to the local restaurants with h and dining out on their decks, once those are open. I love falling asleep in h’s arms at night, when we end up doing that. We have been doing more of that than ever lately, when I think back over these past few months. I love when we are wrapped up in each other’s arms, yet it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to anything more. I love long, passionate, sensual kisses with h; I love h’s touch. I love h’s face; I love h’s familiarity; I love how h comforts me, when he chooses to do that. I love the feeling of his body next to mine, whether we are sitting on the couch, or we are lying in bed. I love how much more appreciative and attentive h has been towards me, these past few months. I love how h and I are able to enjoy the silence, when it is there, b/c we are simply enjoying being together, without having to say a word.

[TooSensitive]

Continued…
What is my life like? My days consist of working as a real estate agent who is chomping at the bit to get out of the business (once I sell off these last 2 listings), being involved with my mood disorder support group, being a Mom, being a wife, being a homemaker, and being an amateur writer and amateur photographer. Taking care of our pets (I guess that falls under being a Mom!). Making a new recipe, that I’ve either found on-line or in a cookbook, or I’m fortunate enough to have created myself. Sometimes my days include a visit with Mom (she is a resident at an assisted living facility b/c she has Alzheimer’s), or a family get-together, or time spent with a friend. Sometimes I notice that the setting sun is particularly beautiful, so I run up to the bathroom, stand on the toilet, throw open the blinds, the window, and the screen, and start snapping away with my camera. I am grateful when my day includes the chance to do one of those things I love to do!

The most fun days are when h and I, and sometimes teenage son too, hop in the car and go for a drive, not always knowing just where we will end up during our road trip. We do love to go exploring off the beaten path!

The most meaningful days are when h and I are sharing with one another and we are making progress, all for that fact alone.

What makes me smile? Whenever I am doing what I love! And seeing my Mom’s eyes light up when we arrive for a visit, b/c that means she still recognizes us. Running into someone I know and like, when I least expect it. When all my family is here, b/c it’s time to celebrate one of the holidays, like Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or a birthday. When our pets are active and allowing us to see the many sides to their personalities. When I realize how much I have for which I can feel grateful and appreciative. When I’ve done something of which I can be proud. When I smile at someone, and they smile back at me. When I see how well someone else is doing, when they were previously struggling. When I think about one of my best friends who passed away a little over a year ago, and remember how she lived 7 years longer than the doctors told her she would. When upon waking in the morning, I realize how I fell asleep quickly and slept well the night before. When I am having a good or even a great day, and I can actually say that and mean it. When I realize how many bad days I had before, but now no longer do as often. When I actually feel that now yes, life has become worthwhile, and now yes, life is worth living again.

[BelieveInHope]

This is a great idea, and TS, I love your response. I can tell you love to write. :-) How awesome that you've published some short stories! Keep it up. What will your book be about?
I will respond later with my own answer. Just gave the five-year-old a haircut and he's currently finishing up a cartoon, covered in hair, complaining that he has hair in his butt and when am I going to clean him off? Now, honey, right now. :-)

[TooSensitive]

Tee-hee, BIH, that's so cute about your son! I look forward to reading more about you; and I hope that Rosie, who started this thread, and other partners will write at length about themselves, too. I saw so much of myself and my own life in Charly, when reading what she wrote about herself in her own journal.

I was thinking about all I wrote in hindsight and I don't want anyone to think my life or I am perfect by any means! I guess I kind of turned it into a lesson of positivity for me and totally only focused on what I love. Trust me, I could do the same with plenty of negative things in my life and about myself that I would like to change. But I wasn't allowing that negativity into my mind yesterday. It really was about focusing on all the good that exists. It’s amazing how when we allow ourselves to really focus on that, just how much we are able to come up with.

I forgot to add that I love myself again, and I feel it is important for all of us, both partners and RAs, to learn to love ourselves again. I wasn't able to get there, until after I had worked on restoring some of my self-esteem again. Doing that actually became the focus in my own recovery last year; that is what helped me better learn how to manage my own emotions better. I had been basing my emotions and how I felt about myself on h’s treatment of me. Our self-esteem is the backbone of who we are, and it directly affects everything else in our lives. It colors our thoughts; it colors what we do and how we go about doing it; it colors our relationships. If we don’t love ourselves, how could anyone else really love us? And if we don’t love ourselves, it makes it difficult to be receptive to any love that someone else is trying to give us.

BIH, I am not sure yet which book I will write first. I can't write fiction and don't have much interest in even reading fiction. So I know it will be non-fiction that I write. Some days, I think it will be about my experiences as a partner. I think most, if not all, of the books out there are written by therapists (though some of them have been partners too). Some days, I think I will write a book about my spiritual and paranormal experiences. The 3 short stories I've already had published are all about true paranormal experiences. What's validating is that the books in which I've been published all contain stories about other people's true paranormal experiences. They can’t be proven, but there are just some things for which no earthly explanation will suffice. What helps too is that my own therapist has the “gift”, so I can openly talk to her about my experiences; and she has shared some of hers with me in turn. Though unconventional, we actually maintain somewhat of a friendship outside our therapy sessions. We are too much alike not to.

I believe everyone has the “gift”; it’s just that some people aren’t in touch with that part of themselves, or they are in denial that it exists, b/c they can find no proof of its existence. My oldest son is one of those; he is an engineer and a student of science and physics. So if it can’t be explained and it can’t be proven, it must not be so. He forgets about all the theories out there that can’t yet be proven scientifically, yet they still seem to apply as an explanation for some things.

Other days, I think I will write a book about local history; but that will take alot of research, and I'm not quite sure just how to go about that yet. The clock is ticking on that one, b/c some of the people I'd need to interview won't be alive too much longer, and some of the places I'd want to photograph may be slated for demolition, unfortunately. I am also not sure how to gain access to some of these places, b/c they are private property and in some cases state-owned property, and security is high. I've managed to get into a few undetected, where there was not constant security; but I also risked getting arrested for trespassing! It is not like me to take risks like that; I usually play it safe in that respect! I go by my instincts, which so far have guided me in the right directions, when I really listen to those. I wonder what explanation science would come up with for that?