First post ever!

[Jkat]

Hi Everyone,

I am here to find support and hopefully give some too!

I have been in a relationship for over seven years. It has been amazing. P has never been an issue. I always just assumed that he did the normal P thing that all guys do which was fine with me. It was an amazing relationship. Now we are engaged and are getting married in September. Almost the whole wedding is booked and paid for and a month ago my fiance confessed to me that he is addicted to P. Last night he confessed (because I begged for details) everything that he has looked at. It tore me apart. I would NEVER have imagined that this was a part of his life.
Ugh....
On a positive note...we went to our first therapy session together today. It was kind of comforting because the therapist assured me that the things my fiance has been looking at do not define him as a person.

I guess that is it for now. I know this is going to be a long, tough journey but I am in it to win it!
Encouraging words are appreciated and I look forward to sharing more good news soon.

xoxo
Jkat

[JenMac]

HI JKat!
Welcome to TTF! I am sorry for what you are going through at this time. I know it is not easy!
You have come to a good place JKat! TTF has a great group of wonderfully supportive, wise women who will support and encourage you.
The emotional rollercoaster that you will likely experience is something that all of us are familiar with. You are not alone JKat! We are all here for you!
The fact that your fiance came to you with this instead of being discovered is a positive sign! It shows his desire to rid this from his life.
Wishing you all the best JK!
Let the healing begin!
Jenn

[Mefree]

Jkat,

Welcome to TTF!

First, allow me to acknowledge how sorry I am for your having to be here. But I also want to admit how happy I am for you and your husband's recovery.

I know firsthand that there are plenty of women on this forum that would've given anything to be in your situation at the start of their recovery. The fact your husband confessed everything to you before your marriage and is actively starting recovery is very optimistic! I hope you'll impel him to join this site. This place worked wonders for me as it can for him.

Search the forums, enjoy their wisdom, and start a journal! I hope to see you around!

[Jkat]

Thanks, guys! I appreciate the encouragement! My fiance is also a member of this site and his getting support on his end too.
I really do believe that he is a good person and that he is ready to give his all to put this out of his life. Only time will tell I suppose.
Good luck to both of you too. I'll be around and I hope to lend my support to you guys as well!

[Borrowed Hope]

Hi Everyone,

I am here to find support and hopefully give some too!

I have been in a relationship for over seven years. It has been amazing. P has never been an issue. I always just assumed that he did the normal P thing that all guys do which was fine with me. It was an amazing relationship. Now we are engaged and are getting married in September. Almost the whole wedding is booked and paid for and a month ago my fiance confessed to me that he is addicted to P. Last night he confessed (because I begged for details) everything that he has looked at. It tore me apart. I would NEVER have imagined that this was a part of his life.
Ugh....
On a positive note...we went to our first therapy session together today. It was kind of comforting because the therapist assured me that the things my fiance has been looking at do not define him as a person.

I guess that is it for now. I know this is going to be a long, tough journey but I am in it to win it!
Encouraging words are appreciated and I look forward to sharing more good news soon.

xoxo
Jkat

I see you as strong. Why? For coming here and letting it out. Use this site as a venue to let it out. If you'd like have your husband join, US PA's are always willing to encourage one another! The SO's here are great people. I've had the honor of interacting with some of the best people here. Very uplifting, very dedicated, and very caring individuals! This is just me being honest.

He passed the first step, admittance. You both will grow from this experience. Thank you for your testimony, and letting us into your lives. We're here to be a constructive part of your understanding of his porn addiction, and your need to heal as well.

Thanks again,
Borrowed Hope

[rosie]

Welcome to TTF :)

As much as I hate everything about this addiction - and the life that goes with it, I admire your husband for coming clean before your marriage.

I was thinking over this today (I am divorcing after 10 years), the thing that makes me the angriest is how I never got a choice. When we spent that sacred moment (sacred to me, anyhow!) making our vows in front of family and friends...had I known what I was dealing with, I would never had said "I do". I am angry that he took that choice from me, probably more than anything else in the past 10 years.

Please understand that this is a long-term recovery. It will take a long time and a lot of work to beat this, it will not go away overnight...but you have taken the first step, and I respect your husband for coming clean before marriage.

My husband and I had planned on renewing our vows once the addiction was gone - or, at least, managed. I felt this would have been a good step, but if I was in your position, knowing what I know now, I would say don't do it (get married)! Wait until you know the scope of what you are facing and tackle it head on. I don't think anything is more important for a relationship than getting a handle on this stuff.

Take care and good luck.

[Jkat]

Thanks for the advice/support everyone.

Rosie, I hear where you are coming from. One of the things that is really tearing me up is that we are supposed to get married in 8 months. I can't imagine not marrying this man but right now it is also hard to imagine marrying him (if that makes sense). I really wish that he had confessed to me before he proposed. I would have never said yes if I even had a clue that this was going on.
As long as he stays EXTREMELY proactive and successful in his recovery, we are going to continue to plan the wedding.
I am not naive. I know that it is very possible that we struggle with this for years but I can only trust that he is as dedicated to his recovery as he says he is.

All of you guys are in my thoughts everyday.
We can get through this!

[facingthetruth]

OMG
I wish you every success and strength. Perhaps he hasn't been too long addicted and its not too hardwired into the brain. My advice is read as much as you can. Know your enemy. It can be surprising to find that this addiction is just like drugs. Think of it as living with a drug addict. You'll also need to read about co-dependance. I'm sure the others will know more about this, as I am single and live alone. I think my signature says best what I think will be difficult.
You can succeed, you can overcome, but there an old saying
'Fail to prepare, prepare to fail'

So my only advice is learn as much as you can about yourself, your partner and this disease. I hope you win and you both have a happy life together.
FTT

[Broken Spirit]

Jkat, I am another that envies you for having someone that admitted to it before you married. I am sure that is the hardest step for the PA. I didn't get the chance to decide to marry with all the facts and the deceit is killing me. =((

I am happy you are here for your own recovery. I am new, too, and have already learned a lot about this addiction and it gives me hope to have the support of the other Sos even if I haven't posted much yet. I was so tired of dealing with all of this hurt alone. :-s