Trauma to SOs

[cbh]

Wow! Really, really helpful post.

On another note, I was also really glad to read that someone else did not particularly care for "Out of the Shadows." When I first started really diving into reading/learning about porn addiction, that was the first book I bought. I actually had several other books in mind, but my local bookstore had not one single book in stock aside from this one. So, I purchased it, ordered a different book online, and started reading "Out of the Shadows" while I waited for my other purchase to arrive. There was just something about it from the moment that I picked it up that didn't seem to set well me. The more I read, the more I felt like what I was reading didn't apply to my husband. Only bits and pieces rang true. By the time I got to the part that basically said all partners are co-dependent and then basically said that I was partly responsible for my husband's actions? Phooey. Put it down and never finished reading it. It is not a book that I would recommend, at least not for someone "new" to learning about a spouses addiction.

[debv]

cbh, I also felt that way about Out of the Shadows. I didn't even know about my husband's addiction, so I couldn't have been co-dependent. But the book didn't even account for the possibility that the addict would have so effectively hidden the addiction from the SO that she didn't know. The addicts themselves also need to understand there are different ways SOs react.