Is P bad?

[MIgirl]

My husband and I were in an argument and he brought up if P is bad all together or if it's just bad when someone develops an addiction to it. I say I understand being young and curious but that's where I draw the line. I don't think it's ok for an adult to look at. I have no idea why I think it's "ok" for younger people to do it. I guess i think it's something you should out grow. I know that sounds stupid. My H thinks it's fine do look at as long as your not married. I can't actually put in words why I think this. What are your thoughts? I'm not saying young people should do it or anything but I kind of understand more why they would want to, if that makes sense so please do not yell at me for saying this. I would like your opinions on this. I'm just confused. I say it's bad no matter what pretty much and my H says its not bad as long as you're not married or addicted to it.

[debv]

I used to think P was OK, until I realized what P really was and how it warps people's views of sex and sexuality, and of women. Now I think P is bad, inherenty bad, and honestly its worse for someone who's young and impressionable. Those are the people whose world views and views of sex are still being developed. They may never understand sex in terms of loving and sharing, if they watch and start to believe the mysogynistic view of sex put out in porn.

[JenMac]

I have never felt P was okay. I have always felt that P was degrading to women, objectified women. I am in my 50s but I have felt this way from the time I was a young woman.
Now that I have had a glimpse of what is available in our world today, I am much more adamant that it is unhealthy for our society as a whole, young, old and anything in between!
It absolutely shocked me when I did a little search. I mean, I had no idea! And I only saw a miniscule amount of what is available! I saw enough to know I did not want to be there. Shocked and terribly saddened by what I saw.
The abuse and degradation of the women was stunning to me. The look in the eyes of some will always be with me. Hard to believe that so many can't see it and can't understand why it is harmful. I find that astounding really!
How do our young people grow to have a true relationship lovingly and s*xually with another person after viewing this cr*ap? What are we teaching them about love and respect and intimacy? Sad, truly sad! It worries me greatly!
Jenn

[2frustrated]

No doubt about it. It's bad. All of the so-called benefits are facades. Here are some that I've heard:

"It keeps men from acting out in unhealthy ways." Yeah, right. Show me one rapist that wasn't first a p addict. P fuels the urge; it does not decrease it.

"A little p in moderation never hurt anyone." Every PA had the intention of being moderate when they first started viewing p. Moderation quickly slides into binging.

"P makes money, and thus helps the economy." Uhhh . . . what is worth more to a society, a million dollars earned from gambling or a million dollars earned from agriculture? The million "earned" from gambling will actually serve to make the society destitute. Economics is not merely about money.

"Isn't it good to admire the beauty of the human body?" Yes, but not to objectify, not to lust after, not to violate, not to dehumanize the person within.

"Couples can get things going and learn new things by viewing p." Sure, and I bet neither person is thinking of the image they saw rather than their mate while they're doing it.

"P helps relieve stress." So do smoking, getting drunk, and drugs.

"Some people can't find a partner. P is the next best thing." This assumes that the purpose of a relationship is s*x.

Can anyone think of any other "benefits"? If so, throw them at me.

[Hopeful59]

Here’s how porn has affected my life.

I grew up with the junk. My dad had lots of it and we kids knew all about it. Parents are stupid if they think their kids don’t know about their porn use and won’t find out. We knew. We saw it. Personally it was pretty confusing for me. Mom’s attitude toward sex was “boys will be boys” but “nice girls don’t” and “only whores think about sex or want sex before they are married.” However, my dad and my brother seemed to love porn. They bought tons of it – my teenage brother had a huge stack of magazines ranging from soft core to some of the more hard core stuff. I grew up believing, well that’s what men want, that’s how you get men to like you – you do whatever they want. Subconsciously I believed that women had to trade sex for love and that porn was a representation of how people really behaved, but it was just something you didn’t talk about. Worse, the attention the males in my life gave to porn made me feel ugly and worthless. I did not have a face or a body like those airbrushed silicone females and felt despair knowing I could never measure up; I wondered how any man would want me. Like I said, it was very confusing for a young girl, especially a young girl in a family with emotionally distant parents. My self esteem issues intensified in my teenage years (which I partially attribute to porn) and led to a lot of acting out. I used drugs, was promiscuous and was suicidal for most of my high school years.

Naturally the last thing I wanted was to find myself married to a porn addict. I truly believed the man I married was not like that – initially he wasn’t, but somewhere along the way he acquired the habit and he kept it relatively secret for years. My questions about things I found were brushed off. At times he looked me in the face and out and out lied about it. Needless to say I was devastated when I discovered that yes, my DH had been actively using porn for years, but I probably should not have been surprised. At the point when I found out, my husband had ignored me for months. He rarely touched me at all no hugs, kisses or touches of any kind. On the rare occasions we were intimate, it was a brief “drive by” encounter that was over before I knew what hit me: it was all about him; my needs and wants were ignored. In his mind I probably wasn’t even there - I’m sure he was in a warped fantasy with some p-star.
I’m not a porn addict, but here’s the effect that “harmless adult entertainment” has had on my life:

· It damaged my self esteem
· It confused my concept of normal sexuality
· It caused my husband to lie to me repeatedly to cover his addiction and cyber adultery
· It resulted in my husband ignoring me and spending his sexual energy MB to porn
· My discovery of my husband’s p- use left me feeling heartbroken, insecure, betrayed and cheated on
· My husband’s years of lies has resulted in a total destruction of the trust I had in him and our marriage, and our marriage is currently shaky and uncertain
· I’ve ended up married to a man who is in denial that he is struggling with an addiction
· If the addiction is not dealt with, I will likely end up divorced

IMO porn use changes the “we” in a relationship to “me”, distorts a person’s view of normal, acceptable sexual behavior, leads to addictions that destroy relationships and objectifies and abuses those involved in the industry. It is not harmless “fun”. It’s a slippery slope to a hell for everyone involved.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

I totally agree with the posts listed here by debv, JenMac, Hopeful59 & 2frustrated. Cause I see what I've done to my SO, myself, & our marriage.

[BelieveInHope]

I unfortunately used to watch P with my H, the pathetic plot, poor acting, horrible 'mood' music, but two consenting adults-type. I admit that it was arousing for me. I however did not fantasize about having sex with the male actors. Watching sex made me want to have sex with my H. I thought he felt the same. I didn't realize he was fantasizing about the actresses. I also did not know he watched p alone.
All P brings other people into an act that should be sacred and special between two people. All P denigrates and reduces sex into a purely physical act, robbing it of the emotional connection that makes it loving, bonding, connecting, meaningful, and wonderful. All P steals sexual energy and desire that should be reserved for the spouse only.
IMO, there are types of P that are much worse than others. The hardcore, internet P that is free and literally everywhere online is that type. The acts are degrading and humiliating towards women. Women routinely commit acts that are painful and disgusting in real life, yet they act like they enjoy it. The act is always from the male point of view only, it is always only about his pleasure, the male always has complete power and domination over the woman. This is not what 'real' sex is like. Then add the violent P. Then add the P that puts 18-year-olds in pigtails and surrounds them with teddy bears (this is very prevalent by the way--I was shocked). Then add rape P. Then add child P.

P takes a loving, consentual act and makes it an act of hate.