Help...Need advice: Discovered another lie

[Crisodian]

He's NEVER come clean with me EVER. Do I have all of the truth? Lord only knows...but this step is HUGE. And I appreciate just how difficult that was for him to tell me. It was a very emotional morning for both of us.

WOW! That is so big for both of you! You are So right. That's a huge step in the right direction. What a positive thing for both of you right now!!! I'm so happy for you that he was able to take this step on his own without demands and ultimatums.

Onward towards healing.

Peace,
~C~

[debv]

With tears in his eyes, he said that he cannot lie anymore - and that he had lied to me. He said that he cannot keep holding onto the lies...wondering when the next time I'd catch him in one, and have it all start over again. He said he really does want to start with a clean slate and the only way of doing that is by telling me the truth.

By the time my H had a moment like this, he had told me nearly everything because I had cross-examined him (I used to be a lawyer) and basically browbeat him into admissions. Yet he still had lies to uncover when he had his revelation moment. I still suspect there's stuff out there he's lied about, even after the confession and the tears.

[NewHope10]

By the time my H had a moment like this, he had told me nearly everything because I had cross-examined him (I used to be a lawyer) and basically browbeat him into admissions. Yet he still had lies to uncover when he had his revelation moment. I still suspect there's stuff out there he's lied about, even after the confession and the tears.

I used to be a law clerk (paralegal)! Although I may not be "quick on my feet" (like a lawyer)...after thinking and analyzing things said and done - it eventually comes to me. And, I think my H can attest to this...I can be quite relentless. Although...analyzing and thinking and cross-examining (I like term you used) can be oh so exhausting!

When my H discussed whether he should be forthright we me (while at his meeting last night) - they gave him some advice, to which he responded, "But you don't know my wife"!

I guess they spent so many years lying to us...its difficult to just all of the sudden believe everything they say...to trust them again.

I've got hope...and I sure hope you do too, Deb.

[want2bebetter]

Wow, NH, it's great your husband came clean with you today. Does he have a recovery journal yet? I look forward to welcoming him here on TTF!

[NewHope10]

Wow, NH, it's great your husband came clean with you today. Does he have a recovery journal yet? I look forward to welcoming him here on TTF!

Thank you so much!!!

No...he doesn't have a recovery journal - and he doesn't belong on this site (or any other). I honestly don't know if he will. I really believe it would be good for him. I've been telling him about the site - and that spouses are both on here together.

I think at this point in time...I'm just glad he is in the "program" and found a home group - and calls into meetings almost daily. Yes...another thing to be grateful for.

Is your spouse on here? I've actually been wondering how everyone feels about having their spouse here with them (for those that do). I wonder how difficult it is for the PA's to be really honest. Actually...its probably a good accountability thing to have in place.

I think I will post that question on the questions part of the site. I have been quite curious about it.

[want2bebetter]

I dunno, NH, cuz I’m a single guy. So I’m glad that you posted your question on another thread, I just saw. I bet the other PAs and SOs can discuss it with you.

My two cents: It’s of course possible for him to join TTF and not necessarily start a journal right away, just to read the articles and forums. But I attest that the journaling experience is super powerful for a PA. The key thing is that it would be his journal, not just something he writes in to be accountable to you. That’s empowering. Even writing the most simple things means so much – it’s a way of expression, emotion, action, imagination, thought -- all incredible things that human beings are capable of that are not part of PA, which is completely passive, impulsive, anti-social, anti-self, totally disempowering.