My husband is losing it and so am I

carmi · **My husband is losing it and so am I -** 11-08-2007, 12:11 AM

I am married to a PA, its been a while now though we don't have any kids. Initially I thought thats what all men do but later started wondering as my DH preferred internet over me. He underwent a therapy a couple of years ago and suddenly everything changed but I now he's back to being his old self. And when I try to mention that to him he treats me like someone who's trying to snatch his happiness away. I am confused and this feeling of losing place in my own home makes me feel, its not worth it.

Any suggestions on what can be done as I have tried every possible way now to lure him to another therapy but its all gone in vain.

aud_rus · 11-12-2007, 01:45 PM

This is what generally happens this is something that keeps happening i guess there is no full solution, most of the pa's tend to lose it to some triggers and they start it all over again. They need support but if they are reluctant to it then there is little you can do...

If it has been a long time then you have to start thinking other wise as well you have kids and your own life. if you u can't have your say then its your call.........

noPAfromhere · 11-12-2007, 05:36 PM

You gotta think about what course you want to take in your life as this is the time or you may get stuck with something you were not able to decide on... speak to your spouse and have him think and rethink over and over and if he thinks he can give this up for good than.. very well or else you will have to count your options

carmi · 11-13-2007, 10:03 PM

i thank you both for taking the time to read my post and your suggestions. i will speak to my Dh again. I am not sure though if he would listen but its still worth trying..

I will keep posting and if i need some help i will come to you guyz.

Thanks again

peppear · 12-30-2007, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carmi

i thank you both for taking the time to read my post and your suggestions. i will speak to my Dh again. I am not sure though if he would listen but its still worth trying..

I will keep posting and if i need some help i will come to you guyz.

Thanks again

I understand completly. My husband is the one who is additicted, BAD. And we have kids. 4 of them. AND he will let it control his life at home if dont say anything, and it got to where it effected his job as a marine. He would stay up no matter how tired he was and then go to work on time or late, and would be dead tired. He then would come home and expect to take a nap. The porn crap is really not going to work. I have helped, everyway you could think of, him. Just like today he did not go to bed until 10:30am this morning. I lost my brother the day after Christmas and found out friday. So, I am not wanting to put up with this crap and shouldn't. Why can't we get ride of porn. I consider myself an opened minded person, bu here lately I am starting to really hate porn. Now, I model and act, and alot of friends dont see how he can look at porn. All the advise in the world can not help me or him unles he wants to help himself to save our family, or I will have no choice but to leave and have to start over. Good luck to hun and I hope it does get better for you. Happy News

Light · 12-31-2007, 06:40 PM

Hi Peppear,

I feel sorry for you in this situation, looking at the problem from the other side, I can tell you that it isn't an easy thing to quit this addiction. Especially when popular culture tells men that it's not an addiciton, it's "normal."

Thankfully there are websites like this one which offer some support, and remind us that porn 24/7 isn't healthy and normal. The evidence is in the posts and stories here.

I think trying to change someone is nearly impossible, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do, no matter how much you may love them.

Have you considered going to counseling, or maybe writing a letter to him explaining how his addiction makes you feel, and how it has affected your family? That might be a good first step, even though you have talked about it before, writing it down and being specific could really make a difference.

On a different note, if your avatar picture is you, you are very beautiful

I would suggest maybe changing the picture to something a little less provocative out of respect for the people here and their problems

Also, I suggest starting a new thread on the Partners Forum with explains your situation in more detail so you can get more specific help.

Good luck Peppear!

Dominus · 01-01-2008, 11:50 PM

Can I ask a question to peppear and Carmi, from my own perspective looking at porn is something I am ashamed of and I could never ever look at it in front of others - at least not others I know. Are others like me, or will your husbands look at porn regardless of whether you see them doing so or not?

peppear · 01-02-2008, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dominus

Can I ask a question to peppear and Carmi, from my own perspective looking at porn is something I am ashamed of and I could never ever look at it in front of others - at least not others I know. Are others like me, or will your husbands look at porn regardless of whether you see them doing so or not?

Sure go for it. I dont mind.

carmi · 01-02-2008, 01:35 PM

Hi Dominus Peppear,

Thanks for reading the posts.. it's been a while but things don't seem to get any better with my porn affected husband but I am still trying.

Yes and Dominus there was a time where my husband had this misconception that I enjoyed porn as well and he used to watch it in front of me but recently he has started to hide things from me which makes it even more complicated, but one positive aspect of it is that he is not proud of what he is doing as he used to be so it's a good thing. I agree with Peppear when she said it's the PA who needs to realize and put in some effort, the realization part itself is a big challenge.

I just hope this year brings some light into my DH's head...Btw Happy new year to all..

Carmi

Dominus · 01-02-2008, 10:18 PM

If you caught your husband in bed with another woman you would presumably go nuts, well he is in a sense with these women on the screen, make it crystal clear that it is completely unnaceptable, tell him your going to smash the screen if he doesnt get off it now. If he's up late on the computer after you've gone to bed he probably looking at porn - even if you go in and it appears he's not as a mouse finger is pretty fast when the stairs creak. Your husband may try to talk you around, but this has to be non negotiable. My guess is he is probably quite distraught about it internally. please understand that this is really tough for us though, we are like the 'crack babies' of this sex saturated society, we didnt mean to become porn addicts. It is embarrasing to admit, or talk about it - especially for men. Ive been through the trying to convince my wife its all normal, healthy adult lines - its baloney. My body and my mind say I want the porn, but in my heart I know it has to stop and long term I welcome any help keep me away from it.