How we use the "Questions to PA’s from SO’s forum"

[Alika]

I am wondering if there is sort of a tendency towards SOs answering the questions posted to PAs?

Also, I’m wondering that if I were a PA, I think I might feel that it was pointless to attempt answering a question even when posed to the PA, as we, the SOs, seem to jump in and read into our PAs minds and answer the questions on their behalf, second guessing, speculating, or assuming we know the answers. I am wondering if we SOs ourselves are preventing the PAs from answering, by presuming to already know the answers before we take our time to listen to them?

Or maybe it’s because of the location of the forum, as a subforum to the “SOs” forum, that we, the SOs, seem to be all over the place? But then again, the SOs do have the Partner’s forum and even the General discussion where the same conversations could take place.

I’m just wondering about this, as each forum has a sticky with “forum rules” or “read before posting”. Are those just overlooked?

Either way, I think it's a shame, as it may risk giving the impression that the SOs aren't too willing to listen to the PA side of things, or don't find the PAs answers valid, so we answer our own questions in spite of never having had first hand experience with the P addiction, thus I think there is a lot of second guessing and theorizing taking place, when in reality we can't really claim to possess the answers?

- Alika

[FoolishMind]

Alika its a good point you make, and we have seen some instances of PA's getting shot down when they try to answer a question honestly. But of course we cant make a sweeping statement or generalisation as the majority of SO's are actually impressed with the honesty given to some quite hard questions answered by PA's and it is of course acknowledged that these PA's are in recovery, and are actively trying to sort themselves out, and in the process answering questions to SO's is helping SO's understand too.

Are you suggesting that the rules are not clear enough, or the forum is in the wrong location? if so, why not post your suggestions in the Suggestions thread, and see if others agree.

FM

[Alika]

FM, thank you for replying. I was somewhat thinking out loud when writing the post, so your direct questions are very helpful for further contemplation.

While writing the post, several conversations I’ve had with OpenEyes came to mind, and I recalled how I would ask him a question, watch him hesitate on the answer, and then feed my own answer to him rather than listen him out, assuming and pretending to know the real, the true answer to my question. In retrospect, it was not a conducive way to go about it when I was aching for his answers to my numerous questions. I was wondering whether other SOs do the same, whether that might be why replies from PAs to “Questions from SOs to PAs” are somewhat scarce, or whether the forum is overlooked due to its location. I don’t know the reason(s) why but was trying to find some of them, going down different trails of thoughts, and hoping for input on it.

If it’s because we SOs are not good enough at listening without being judgmental, possibly due to our pain, then addressing it as a communicative issue might be a good idea for the sake of awareness and hopefully turning around the situation, hopefully making PAs want to answer, and hopefully making the SOs attempt harder to keep the pain out of the question forum.

However, if it’s due to the location, the solution could be moving the forum, e.g. to be a sub forum to “Recovery journals” or “Recovering from Addiction forum”. Another possibility would be to rename it “Questions for PAs” (then anyone can ask), place it as a sub forum to “General Discussion” and also create “Questions for SOs” (though I’ve suggested this one with next to no response, so the interest for such forum might not be there).

Anyway, without response to the thread, it’s somewhat difficult identifying what the issue might be, and possibly premature to post suggestions as to moving a sub forum or changing forum categories. After all, this is just a single opinion out of many.

- Alika

[hopefulwife]

I agree that the comunication issues need to be adressed. I would love it if more PA's felt like they could truthfuly answer our questions with out fear of how we would respond. I think moving the forums around might help. I like the idea of it being a sub forum for general.

I would be very interested in questions to SO's. I dont think we are the only ones who have questions about the other end of things and I would do my best to answer them. Having the Questions to SO's might also help keep things less mudled and give a place for SO or PA to ask questions that SO's answer. Then the SO's might not be answering in the other forum as much.

[Alika]

Hopefulwife,

With the hope that you wouldn't mind, I have taken the liberty of copying the below part of your post to this thread: http://www.throughtheflame.org/forum...s-pas-sos.html

I would be very interested in questions to SO's. I dont think we are the only ones who have questions about the other end of things and I would do my best to answer them. Having the Questions to SO's might also help keep things less mudled and give a place for SO or PA to ask questions that SO's answer. Then the SO's might not be answering in the other forum as much.

- Alika

[Alika]

...if so, why not post your suggestions in the Suggestions thread, and see if others agree.

FM

FM,

I have done exactly that now, so for further discussion, please see http://www.throughtheflame.org/forum...html#post33743

- Alika