What's next when he admits he has a problem?

[stillfree]

Hubby has not viewed actual porn in many, many months, ever since he eradicated it from his life. He's slipped backward a few times into 'gray area' things - stumbling upon links with swimsuit models, etc. Despite that not necessarily being porn, I think he realized last night that it's not appropriate given the addiction he's dealing with. He did use the, "I don't know of a single man who doesn't look at women in bikinis or whatever and that's basically what this is." The only analogy I could think to give him was in terms of an alcoholic - once an alcoholic is sober - even decades down the road - he or she can never drink again, not even socially. Pornography is like Whiskey, swimsuit models is like a wine cooler. Different levels of severity, but still drinking nonetheless. It's as though he got it.

I could tell it clicked. He has definitely admitted that he has a problem and an addiction to pornography, but I could see some anxiety setting in that he needs to give up all this low level stuff, too. I think it wasn't until last night that he realized it's not really just about the material he's viewing, but in how it affects his life. One 10-second click on this link and that link, even if it's very mild in nature, can easily turn into your whole evening spent clicking links and feeding this need to view this stuff.

In short, we made amazing progress last night. He's going out of town from Sunday to Saturday next week and I've been riddled with anxiety. This is the MOST prime opportunity for the biggest of relapses. I thought he was probably blowing off this reality. But instead, I discovered last night that he's been nervous about it, too, and has been building a solid plan to keep from relapsing. I had no idea he was planning several things to fill up his lonely evenings in his hotel room, away from his family (which is hard for him to deal with anyway) and bored. He's been adamant about me installing the webcam software on my laptop for when he's gone - I thought it was just so he could webcam and see our infant son, but he said that it was also one of the ways he thought could help in not relapsing. He is taking his running shoes to get some exercise and several other things. I was truly impressed and it was a great sign to me that not only is he serious about recovery, but he's also aware that you don't deal with this once and that it just goes away - it's a lifelong battle.

So I think he's also starting to realize that this isn't something that either of us are equipped to deal with alone on any real level. Me being the spouse and dealing with my own co-dependent behaviors, I know I can't help him with his recovery. I don't think he's comfortable with any type of 12-step program (i.e. group therapy in a church basement, etc.) at this point.

I'm trying to explore options for his recovery - can you tell me what your hubby is trying that is or isn't working, or what your experience is? I know he needs to get a clear understanding of what exactly addiction entails. We know how the porn started and why it became so prevalent in his life, so he's aware of his issues. I know there's a lot of resources and material out there - it's one of those things where I know he's ready to work on recovery (instead of just trying to resist viewing porn).

We've made some plans for next week, activities for him to do while he's gone. I think we probably need to come up with a plan for if he gets to the point where he feels like he can't control the urge to seek porn - anyone have experience with something like that? We have accountability software on his laptop. Neither of us feel comfortable with putting blocking software on his laptop - he said he feels like that isn't going to help him really work on this issue and get to the root of the problem, and I can't help but agree. We are going to work through this trip next week and then figure out where to go from there.

I'm just looking for some suggestions and to hear your personal experiences in regards to recovery. My birth mother is still an alcoholic, so I've never been a place where the addict is actually looking to deal with their issue.