Why does P equate to infidelity, or does it?

[vintageturtle]

Thank you, DudeWaffle, for sharing that. It helped me, as a SO, to clarify my feelings and what it actually was that hurt me about his use. I need that kind of clarity to deal with my feelings and to forgive him.

[debv]

I'm commenting mostly to bump this thread and this thought to the top of people's minds. With the news this week of the Congressman and his internet chat/sexting/tweeting of pictures etc., there's been a sickening amount of commentary that it wasn't cheating because it wasn't "real". Yes, it was real. Very real. He really cheated on her with those women, just as our husbands/SOs really cheated on us. I'm angry to the point of being ready to scream that so many people don't see that. Too many people don't see that.

[dawn1952]

I cried reading this thread. I see it, debv. I really do.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

I don't understand why just because its on a computer its not "real". My bank thinks my relationship with them is "real" and so does my school.

[dawn1952]

I don't understand why just because its on a computer its not "real". My bank thinks my relationship with them is "real" and so does my school.

Perfect! I think I'll use this with my PA the next time he gets all high and mighty with me.

[fragileego]

I recently saw a movie with Kiera Knightly in which she and her husband were ostensibly happily married, but she grew suspicious of her husband and his attractive new co-worker, whom he had not yet slept with, but had fantasized about. After a fight about this, her husband ends up sleeping with the co-worker on a business trip, but Kiera's character runs into an old lover on the street while her husband is out of town, and proceeds to have a very emotional encounter with him, though she rejects sx. The husband returns a mess from the guilt he has, but she somehow seems fulfilled at the end. At first glance, one might think she was innocent and good for turning her ex lover away and being faithful to her husband, but at second glance, her situation was possibly worse than her husband's was, because she basically had a very emotional affair.

My point is, even if my H is not completely being physical with another person (which I would argue that he is), his affair is still emotional, and it hurts.

There is the obvious physical form of cheating with P (MB while fantasizing about another woman who is not your wife), and I believe there is an emotional component to it as well. I can tell when my H has gone for some time without P because he acts as though he really wants me. When he is using, he could really care less.