His First Time!

[Enid]

So tonight is my boyfriends first support group meeting! I'm so proud of him for trying this out and at least seeing what it's all about. He also joined TTF the other night. :)

The question I would like to propose is, How do I support him? Do I ask questions about his first meeting tonight? I don't want to pry, but at the same time I'm very excited for him and pray that he gets something out of it tonight. I would imagine he's probably feeling very overwhelmed and I don't want to add to his stress anymore. How do I approach discussing what he's discovering/learning?

[Crisodian]

This is just my opinion, so please do what works best for you. But, if I were in your shoes, I would just ask him if he was willing to talk about his experience with you. Respect his decision if he says no, share your enthusiasm if he says yes.

Open communication in any relationship is key. You should feel comfortable enough to ask him about his experience. Keep in mind that some PAs, like mine, enjoy very much sharing what he learned from his counseling sessions when he comes home, and others are very much the private type, who do not.

The only advice I can give you is respect his decision and if he says no, give it time and ask again. Sometimes men also need time to process before they speak. So don't be offended if he needs space.

Peace and good luck,
~C~

[cyberpunk]

Like Cris said, ask him, but respect his wishes if he doesn't want to talk about it. I think He'll want to talk about it a little bit but you should let him control the conversation.

Also remember that this is his recovery. I think that many SOs get caught up in trying to "make" their PA recover. Although it is hard to trust now you must trust him to work his recovery because, frankly, you don't really have a choice. If he isn't doing it for him then he isn't recovering.

Respect his privacy and his wishes. The SA meetings are closed meetings, meaning only addicts can attend, because they want to provide an environment where an addict can be completely open and honest with themselves and others without fear of judgement. You must understand and accept that he will share things in that meeting and with his sponsor that he won't, and shouldn't, share with you. I hope this helps.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Enid-

Going to a recovery meeting is a very important sign that he just might really be trying to quit for good. Good for him and good for you since i am sure this gives you hope.

My husband goes to recovery meetings and he tells me about them. He goes to celebrate recovery. They focus on the type of addiction, but every meeting is not necessarily about P, if that makes sense. One week might be about coping mechanisms and how the coping mechanism now (P) is not a good one and what might be a better way to cope.

Be prepared to listen if you ask and he tells you about the meeting. It is not easy for them to talk, nor is it easy for us to listen sometimes. I don't necessarily want to hear how hard my husband struggles to control his thoughts. It hurts. But, talking about the meetings won't be productive for either of you if you can't handle it and use what he tells you against him or if you get mad... or possibly if you cry. I am not saying you would do that. I just want you to be prepared to listen and support if you ask and he answers.

Good luck and good for him for trying.