manipulation....

[Junebug1944]

Lately I've been feeling manipulated. He lied to me again before I went to see my family for Xmas (I had found some p on his computer.) After his begging me not to leave and promising me that he would change....He promised to get software, set up a couples therapy appointment for us and give me access to both his phone and laptop. None of this has happened because he says he does not have the money. He just bought a wii, spending $400 on the system and various games and accessories.... I feel there is a lack of priority for both his and our recovery.

Also, the software, covenant eyes, can be purchased on a monthly installment plan for about $8. a month. But he says he wants to pay for it all at once. I feel he is just stalling. Im tired of feeling like Im being manipulated and having to monitor him. I dont' want a child, I want a SO....

[artguy34]

Hi June,

Im sorry for the pain you are going through... I am a PA who is dealing with my addiction and my wife is also a member of this site. (Crisodian).

I have heard of Covenant Eyes through my Psychologist and he totally endorses the product. However it is NOT expensive! In addition, there are other programs available for free. One of the most widely talked about on this site is K-9. I agreed to have my wife use that on our home PC and on my work PC. It has the same functionalities as does Covenant Eyes and it works as a deterrent for me.

As a PA, I can honestly say that actions speak louder than words. I have learned that the hard way. Take action and YOU should set up the programs to your likings. If he is truly on the path to recovery, he will let you have access to everything and be open and honest about it. Also, invite your Husband to join here. It is a great place to get advice, help and support.

I hope you and your SO find a path to recovery!

[Junebug1944]

My SO is on this site, Smokey. And the actions that need to be taken should not and will not be taken by me. If he wants to continue the relationship, HE will change HIS actions. We can set it up together, but he needs to be the initiator. I won't and should not baby him because that will not help either of us.

[Mefree]

Buying video games a hundred times more expensive than anti-P software, then complaining about not having the money, shows a general lack in the intiative department.

He better come to grips real fast or he'll be left alone to his precious porn.

[artguy34]

My SO is on this site, Smokey. And the actions that need to be taken should not and will not be taken by me. If he wants to continue the relationship, HE will change HIS actions. We can set it up together, but he needs to be the initiator. I won't and should not baby him because that will not help either of us.

Hmmm... I see your point June, you're right, he needs to step up and do the things he needs to get done. You shouldn't have to police his actions and be his mother. However if he is not taking the beginning steps, then for your peace of mind, I only suggested that you do the downloading and monitoring of the software.

I am glad Smokey is on this site. I hope he takes the time to read a lot of the threads by PA's and SO's and that you both walk in this together.

Good Luck in your recovery!

[Life-lies-trust]

K9 is great I have installed it and only I have the admin password. I feel tough luck if he can not go surfing as he wants. He also says he is happy with it on the computer.

[Desert Ghost]

Yes LLT, as I said I'm glad that you did since that little Icon on the task-bar helps to remind me that I need to stay in touch with reality and stay away from that evil call P. An I know that it helps you to have a little peace of mind knowing that I am keeping my word to since you can track what I have done on the computer in the way of being online. Hey, when the time comes and you feel that I can re-setup my computer you can install K-9 on it as well.

[Life-lies-trust]

Not sure when DG hard drives and netbook are leaving my closet in the classroom at work:-w. I have them all locked up and my eeetop is going to work with me so that he only has access to one computer that is mine with K-9 installed. I find it really easy to read but that may be because I use to be the school district network admin (the only one) for 7 years.

Teaching is more fun, think about all the fun math that I can give juniors and seniors. 8-}=))

[Junebug1944]

our new problem is his blackberry. he has accessed p on it and as far as i know the only way to not have access to p is to not have internet on the phone. does anyone know of any software?

[cyberpunk]

I struggle with the same thing on the blackberry and unfortunately I haven't been able to find any software. You can call the phone service provider and see if they can block adult content on blackberry phones. It works alright but in the end I have to exercise some self control to resist the temptation. I've been considering turning off my data plan for my blackberry if I can't control myself. It's a small price to pay to be free of P.