Intro: A new member here

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

It has been 23 days since I have gone looking through his stuff to see if he's been using P, because he is doing so remarkeably well that I have no need to!
A couple weeks ago he said that he realized how badly he had hurt me when I told him that a few times through this ordeal I couldn't see him as attractive.
I have felt the dark veil of Hatred lift and I'm seeing a truly Glorious Man emerge!
I have to strongly recommend a few resources that worked for us as a couple, whom were both willing to work through this muck.
The Porn Trap-book
The Secret-movie
The Shadow Effect-movie
What the Bleep Do We Know?!-movie
TTF worked very well for me to vent and receive advice when I just wanted to run!
We are reaping untold benefits and rewards from applying the information in these tools! I am now willing to say that Porn Addiction Recovery is a possibility!\:D/

[artguy34]

I can honestly vouch for "The Porn Trap" book by Wendy Maltz.

During the early stages of my recovery, it was like my defense against relapsing daily. Whenever I had an urge, I would open that book and read from it and it quickly stopped me from any urges.

I recommend this book for anyone who is looking for answers. In fact, I still keep it with me almost everywhere I go.

H2B, Im glad things are starting to work out... I hope this continues and you both work hard at a better future!

Good Luck!

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Things had been fabulous for a good few months, it seemed that he was porn free for that time, now I wonder. He had a vasectomy apr. 8th and still seemed to be free of porn, though he never stated that he was FREE. Then we took a sample in @ 7-8 weeks post and he said that they called and said there was 1 sperm left in there, and "did he know he could masturbate more to be sure he cleans the pipes?"
Well it looks like either I'm an idiot for believing a made up story to make what he's doing seem O.K.; or he lost his grip when they told him to masturbate more, undoubtedly he wants a clear specimen next time so we can get intimate again! He's viewing the old sites again! Which means he NEVER had control to begin with, or maybe he finally got lazy in deleting the history!=D>

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Here's what hurts; is that he has been doing really well with income and time with the kids, I'm feeling more secure and turned on so we are having sex of sorts and I'm really trying to show him appreciation for his improvements. And it literally feels like our rewards are stupid compared to the strange P*ssy he rewards himself with!!!!!!!!!!!

[forgotten_not]

I truly feel your pain. Keep your head up, I wish I had more to offer right now. *hugs*

[Desert Ghost]

It has been 23 days since I have gone looking through his stuff to see if he's been using P, because he is doing so remarkeably well that I have no need to!
A couple weeks ago he said that he realized how badly he had hurt me when I told him that a few times through this ordeal I couldn't see him as attractive.
I have felt the dark veil of Hatred lift and I'm seeing a truly Glorious Man emerge!
I have to strongly recommend a few resources that worked for us as a couple, whom were both willing to work through this muck.
The Porn Trap-book
The Secret-movie
The Shadow Effect-movie
What the Bleep Do We Know?!-movie
TTF worked very well for me to vent and receive advice when I just wanted to run!
We are reaping untold benefits and rewards from applying the information in these tools! I am now willing to say that Porn Addiction Recovery is a possibility!\:D/

Here are couple more books to check out:

Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey

Every Man's Marriage: An Every Man's Guide to Winning the Heart of a Woman by Stephen Arterburn

NOTE: that this books are Christian based.

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Oh yeah, even around watching the movies, meditation, and books his addiction has been stronger than any LOVE we give him! I haven't given up yet, but as everyone knows this HURTS!!!!
Thanks for the recommendations of additional books, as I do see that we are not through this fire yet, I told him he had until our youngest is weened to be porn FREE (I will start weening in the next 2 months).

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear things are still not good. I re-read your journal and I noticed a few things. One, you gave him several ultimatums, and he has still gone back to P and you still are there. I am not saying that you shouldn't be there! I am just pointing out that when you say, if you do this again, I am gone, and then he does it all the time, and you don't follow through, he has no reason to believe you.

I also noticed that in spite of what he says, he is taking no action. If your ultimatum is final this time, then what is he doing? Is he going to counselling, joining TTF, going to SA groups or some other group to deal with this?

The bottom line is that if he hasn't done it on his own thus far, and his love for you and respect for his vows hasn't made him stop (or never start), what's the difference now? Is he taking steps to show you that this time will be different?

I hope this post isn't a huge downer. I want your husband to be the man you know he could be. I want you and your kids to be happy and I don't want your heart destroyed. I hope your husband wants the same things and takes actions to show it.

Hugs to you.

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Thanks for the post, we all need some perspective here. No it didn't bring me down, this whole situation has brought me down.
I only found out Friday afternoon that he has gone back to it, and technically my ultimatum of leaving has no applicability until I get my daughter weened. He has been participating in our lives more, hasn't lied about being P free yet (he did trash over 7GB of Porn and has not acquired anymore), has been exercising and eating properly, and talking through books and movies with me; though no counseling or outside help is being welcomed. He still knows that no matter how much effort he makes I may still decide to leave him once the time is up.
I think that these are pretty big steps, however I talked to my mom yesterday about possibly getting a place together so she could help me with the kids. #-o

[Charly22]

Relapse....thats a word you'll see all over this place.....

Can we expect anyone to be perfect? Should we be understanding of the struggle?
Are you weighing to good times vs the bad?

I hope he can find his way to try again.

I know there are alot of addicts who will explain, that once they relaspe, it takes awhile for 'em to come back to earth and examine and realize what happened.

I think the most important thing is that you stand your ground....demand what you need. It sounds like you have in the tiniest litty bitty way, you have cracked the shell...even if for just a moment...and he might resist the "change", or being open and exposed. But I do believe it sounds as though you have a hold on him...

Our situation sounds similar, in the fact that my husb was exposed to the stuff at a very young age, and had to watch his mom suffer and cry at the hands of the p and s addiction. My husb always thought he was doing good just cause he wasn't physically cheating. It took a long time for him to understand the pain and true suffering that comes from it. He finally realized that I wasn't just being a control freak, I helped him to see that he was masking his own emotions, he was deflecting real life, missing out on real life by staying consumed it the addiction. Shoot...who'd ever thunk it could even be an addiction?

This doesn't go away over night. He has a lot of pain to go through. He will be a huge bag of emotions if he ever gets it completely gone. Alot of things will surface, he has to know what to expect, and dont' wnat to run back each time cause its too hard.

So many cliches. I hate cliches. But have learned the real meaning behind alot of them in my recent years. Tough love. It's hard to do.

I hope you can find a way to deal with your own emotions and anger, and give him room to learn about himself.

Bless you for all that you do....

Sorry for the hurt.....