Intro: A new member here

[little_wife]

You sound so strong! You can do this. You should be so proud of yourself for taking a stand. We're all behind you on this. Good luck to you H2b! ^:)^

[lightseeker]

Good luck H2b, i really hope good things will come from your next talk.

Take care

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

I am so proud of myself, we talked, not fought.
I asked him to please look me straight in the eyes while I told him "Lying hurts me, disrespecting me hurts, and you turning to porn instead of me hurts me. The next time you hurt me we are done. The kids and I deserve someone whom doesn't shun us for a fantasy world, and participates in our lives." He looked away out of shame then tried to say "That's just setting me up for failure, cause what happens when...." and I cut him off with a "Stop this childish cr*p. You know when you are hurting me, so don't hurt me and you will not fail! I won't stay in this relationship to go through this for the next 5+ years, I can and will find a healthy relationship for myself and the kids!" He said "But I was exposed @ the age of 3, so" and I stopped him again and said "I know, but you are now an adult , with 2 kids and a SO whom deserve to have you make better decisions for us."#:-s
That was weds night and we spent the rest of the night talking about our great kids. Last night he came home and spent time with us again, then came to bed shortly after me! This is a nice start! What a road ahead though, I now have to be just as diligent about reconnecting as I want him to be, and get myself past the disgust that I often feel about the derogatory images that he chooses to look @ and download. Until I can do that we are still sex free. I would still like for him to join here as he has said that he wants to get clear from P to have a more natural sex drive and O, but I can't force him there either.
Thank you everyone for your advice and encouragement!

[little_wife]

wow, H2B, you did very, very well. You have every reason to believe in yourself after that. I know how much courage it takes to finally take a stand; it's sooo hard knowing how defensive our partners can be. This is just the beginning, and it will be hard. I'm still amazed that i'm "not just over it" already. It will be a journey for you both.

My husband never did join this site though. I've showed him, he knows I'm on it, but he chose not to use it. BUT, he still started working on himself. He avoids the computer a whole lot better then I do for sure. If your spouse is really serious about changing you will know it. You'll feel the difference. If he's not, you'll know that too. Hang in there for now, and stick to your guns.
Little_wife

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

h2b-

Wow, that sounds like a tough but necessary talk. I know its hard to walk away, but you and your kids deserve someone grounded in reality and commited to you. So, I hope he knows you are serious and that he commits to quitting. I hope you know you are serious too, because if he messes up, and you stay, then he knows he can just keep on doing it. Isn't there a playstation slogan "live in your world, play in ours"? I think the slogan for SOs and PAs should be "Live and play in the real world". If he can't live and play in your marriage "world" then I don't know how he expects you to just keep accepting second best.

You were right to cut him off when he started saying you were setting him up for failure and what if he relapses. That is an excuse and rationalization. If he is committed to quitting, he will not relapse. He will do what it takes to be faithful to you and your family. There are examples here, artguy is one, who say, "relapse is not an option." I believe it. It is possible to stop the behavior. The mental processes take longer, but the behavior can stop today. I hope your husband has decided to stop today.

Good luck to you and I hope your marriage can be restored.

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

I guess this is now my journal.
He hasn't quit, but I gave him about 6 mos to get a handle on things and begin progressing.
He is at least being honest, talking with me, and spending more time with the kids. But I'm about sick of the whole thing!
I'm sick of hearing how a quick lustful moment out in public becomes a search through P for something comparable. I'm sick of hearing how he could not share me or forgive me for cheating, but I was expected to share him with P. I'm sick of his blank look when I tell him how ugly and unattractive his actions made him to me or that I miss sex. I'm sick of hearing about his weakness/addictionx-(x-(! I'm sick of trying to fix/hold things together!
He did admit that it's reasonable that he may decide to quit after it's too late for me.
And guess what? I am now beginning to want some intimacy and good physical feelings from other men. Because I'm an adult woman and want to share my body with an adult man!
And maybe a little bit because he has fulfilled an urge to stray with 7K or so other women in pics and vids, while I got "limited love" for 3 years.

[Life-lies-trust]

I feel your hurt. From my place is was he super secret and now it's in the open some. Still very hurtful and until he decide that he had the problem and needed help there was nothing I could have done.

You are being resonsable and caring person who needs a person with you.

Take care of your self and give yourself a big HUG.

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Thank you for your input and commiseration. Sometimes the light hurts more than the dark!
I am reading The Porn Trap now and making lots of notes. This morning I also watched What the Bleep Do We Know!? and had him watch it also. It made a really strong impact on him.
However in our mid-movie conversation he tells me that he sees my 2 sex toys that were so far back in a drawer I forgot about them, as the same problem as P. I started to retort that I never use them, then got up said "I'm going to do something good for this relationship, something that you apparently can't do", and took those toys towards the trash. He says to me on my way out the door "you're hurting us right now". I took them straight to the dumpster, gone! So did he see my will power and ability to act for the better as threatening 'cause there is now a high standard to be met?
This is one of the hardest things I've been through and I've almost died! Especially when he says "P isn't the reason we aren't having sex" & I say "YES, your actions with P are the reason I'm not having sex with you, that's the truth."
I miss out on lots of sleep now as I feel like sleep time is the only clear time I can think! I keep thinking just 6 more months, but I can't naively think it's going to be OVER that easily. Here's hoping!

[hurting2BhisFantasyAgain]

Yay! I think he's hearing me now. I finally got acknowledgement of the pain that has come from this whole situation and clear answers!
I try to not overload him on talking about it, but I am ready to heal and he's being very receptive to talks, questions, and answers. I think that we are both learning a lot about each other!:)
This is the way I want to feel all the time, and I'm done being P-cop. He's an adult man and knows what the boundaries and consequenses are for crossing them.
I'm giving him full responsibility to keep treating me with reverance and continue growing into a fabulous father! Our son is now telling everybody proudly "I a daddy, I happy". This speaks volumes about how well he has stepped up!

[Dewvis]

I have been reading the anti-porn resources on this site:

AntiPorn_Resource_Center

and it has really helped me see the destruction that the porn industry causes and has helped solidify my resolve to quit.

A lot of people don't see a need to quit because they don't see it as a big deal.

It might help him to read some of this stuff. Porn is becoming more and more accepted in our culture and even considered normal and healthy. We here know that this is a huge lie, but when lies aren't refuted, they become more powerful.