How do they make it up to us?

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

mcp-

Nope.... you are not crazy! It helps to look forward, but it is hard. Especially when this is a new issue. We are a month into this for us. It been a month since my initial (ok, 4th initial) discovery, but its only been 2 days since he has stopped lying about everything. So, how do you look forward, when everything is still so fresh and the lies keep coming? Its hard.

I had to laugh at your "pass the stuffing" comment. I go through the same thing. Why should I be ashamed and humiliated alone? Why can't he? But, again, I know there is no peace down that road, so I try to think more positively.

good luck on your journey and I hope your internet issues improve. But hey, when the net's down, no worries about what someone might be doing online. :)

[mcp]

WofM,
Thanks, its so nice to be able to speak of this. Been holding in all week. Yeah, I totally relate to the initial, oh wait, serial discovery. How bout this one, oh man, admitting publicly... I sometimes throw out his p dvds. Not all of them but some. No real method of selection, just a handful. Just so he knows that I know, that I am on to him. That his secret isn't just his. What kinda creepy chick am I? then maybe a month later, throw out more. And magazines, right in the trash. Then you go to look for it, presto.... He never says a word. Neither do I. What do you make of this? Then sometimes, just for piss and giggles, I make discouraging remarks about people that we know that I judge to be a perv. Like, i bet his has a stash of p. Or, he's never been with a woman that didn't have a staple in her navel. Or that one should be registered with the FBI. I believe they call this phenonomen, passive aggressive behavior. And he laughs, as though he doesn't realize I am speaking of him or one of his fellow Pa's. (I want to apologize to the pa's, right up front. I am sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad, I know you are working on your issues, but sometimes the anger has to come out or i will implode, so I am sorry. I realize that you all suffer as well)

Seriously, what am I doing here!????!! i'm pretty, have a great job, lots of friends, I'm witty, usually smart, independent, a mom, a friend, a daughter and yet this turd doesn't realize how lucky he is to have me. Is that why i am here, to stay until he realizes this? What's in it for me???

Again, sorry to the pa's. i am usually a nice person, I swear. To the ones that I have not totally insulted or hurt, thanks for letting me vent. God, it's been a rough week without any support. As the true codependent, i don't speak to any one regarding this issue. All hush hush. Wait till therapy starts, that oughta be one hell of a car ride home. wonder if it will be screaming, crying or absolute silence.

[Crisodian]

mcp,
I like your wit. I know the reason we are all here is not a fun or funny one. But for those of us who are able to keep a small sense of the wit and humor about the whole situation. It helps. :)

I wish you both well in therapy together. I hope for you that it is a conversation "starter" and not a conversation "ender". That it opens the door to open, honest communication between you and your BF.

I understand your "what am I doing here?" sentiment. I think most of us SOs have those very same feelings. Some of us chose to stay, others don't. I think it's a personal choice.

And rant away. We've all done it. We all need to find an outlet. But the only word of caution I would share is don't let the negativity feed into more negativity. It's hard. Hard as hell. I wont lie there. But looking forward is so much better for us mentally then dwelling in the darkness.

Find a path to peace,
~C~