A SO's point of view: how Porn makes me feel

[QueenofHearts]

It makes me realize that I am the ugly, fat, piece of garbage I always knew I was.

It helps me understand that no man is capable of complete monogamy or fidelity.

It gives me the impression that you are settling with me, that really you wished you could screw a P star, but you are stuck with good ole average me.

It makes me wonder if it's a requirement to be slutty to get your attention.

It also makes me question why I don't have your full attention.

It makes me want to be single.

[hopefulwife]

Porn makes me angery. I feel cheated. It stole alot from me and left behind a stew of fear pain and anger. I have a little bit of bitterness in me now. I have this tender spot. I am damaged.

[fishingbackwards]

At first I felt sorry that he was caught up in this sick part of our "culture". I could see his pain. But he changed his mind, decided he was not an addict, continued to use, tried to stop again and has now gone back to it because I am not "meeting (his) needs".

Knowing he is using p again I feel cheap.
I feel drained, emptied, by the realization that it is all about him and his "pleasure", that my feelings don't matter to him
I feel I am letting myself down.
I feel sick to my stomach and I feel the need to get myself free from this illness which is not mine.
Much of the time I feel cold and devoid of emotion.
I feel shame that I have been intimate with a man who indulges in an industry which is sick and abusive.
I feel frustrated that he continues to deny and refuses to even explore the information that is out there, insists that they are "just stories" of actors/actresses being abused.
I feel anger that this industry is so acceptable and accessible.
I am infuriated by the part of our society that just shrug their shoulders at the perversion of what is one of the most intimate, loving and sacred acts a human being can be a part of. Apathy = loss to all of us, even those of us who are not apathetic.
I cry.
I hurt.
I despair.

[Life-lies-trust]

fishingbackwards
I can hear your pain and completely understand.

Here's a big HUG just for you along with (choc)(choc)

[heavysigh]

I feel cheated out of the last 8 years

I feel like he held back the truth to trap me in this marriage

I'm scared that this cycle will be perpetuated with my 3 sons and spread like a disease.

[stillandagain]

I feel like I am not enough, and never have been enough

I feel rage

I feel betrayed

I feel foolish. I caught some, but not nearly all. I didn't know about most of the lying.

[raining on the inside]

My H's P use makes me feel:
- Ugly, old, and very very imperfect compared to the women he seeks out
- Disgusted by him
- Anger and hatred towards him
- Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and shredded to pieces
- Like I can never trust him again
- Betrayed
- That he has been unfaithful to me since day 1
- That I am not good enough, that I've never been good enough
- Embarrassed to let him see me naked
- Stupid and naive for having believed him time and time again that his P use was over
- Emotionally unsafe in this relationship
- Afraid of the future
- Like he doesn't care enough about me or love me enough to chose me over the P
- Like I am just one of many
- Lost, confused, broken, lonely, devastated
- Pain, pain, and more pain

[Broken]

I have only just seen this thread and it has made me cry, so much hurt, so much pain.

Myself, I feel:-

That the life I knew has all been a lie

That I never knew him for all these years

That I am old, ugly, fat, unappealing to him

Sickened and sad that he chose to look at others having s*x

I have to constantly be on my guard to it happening again

I feel so very stupid that I was naive for so long

I want to just run away from it all and never come back

[elle kay]

i've not seen this thread before so I'll add my feelings from the days of the discovery:

TRAPPED..in a nightmare

BETRAYED .... a hundred times over, my intimacy stolen

TERRIFIED in a world that is unsafe with a man I don't know at all

SICKENED by images of violation and lust