too suspicious

[seeking help]

Hi,

I'm having trouble keeping a lid on my own imagination. My husband spends several hours each night alone on his computer or downstairs, alone, with the tv. My problem is that I keep thinking about the possibility that he is viewing porn and I end up upsetting myself.
Anybody have any suggestions as to how I can keep from upsetting myself like this?

seeking help

[jerseygirl]

seeking help ...

My belief is: "Where there's smoke ... there's fire". Reading over some of your past posts it seems that your husband isn't quite ready to face his porn addiction. The trust in your relationship has been broken and it needs to be repaired.

Have you been able to sit down and have a frank conversation with him? I would be sure to share with him all that you are feeling. Try to be supportive and non-accusatory (if possible) ... it's an addiction and sadly a way of life (at times).

I wish you well.

~jerseygirl~

[Glass_of_water]

My husband using the computer when I was not around made me almost crazy. I now ask him not to use the computer when I am not there.

When I am not there is when he looks at P (obviously) so I would rather he didn't use the computer (especially as he found ways around the filters).

I just have to trust that he is not on the computer though (rather than trust him to use the computer but not look at P). For some reason that makes me far less paranoid crazy.

I hate that I have had to control his usage, but I can't stay with him if he keeps going back to P.

[Disillusioned76]

So many of us have lived through the same situations...I ended up developing insomnia because my husband would stay up until 2 or 3am on the computer. I knew in my gut what he was doing. I agree that having a conversation is a good idea. I would also add that for me, I reached a point where I had to focus on what I had the power to control - which ultimately was only me. Easier said than done I fully recognize. But at some point I could see that I was hurting myself and making myself sick. It was always hard trying to strike a balance between not sticking my head in the sand and letting go and focusing on me. When I would get sick with worry I would try to tell myself to let the anxiety go and trust that the universe (God, higher power, etc.) would show me what I needed to know. It usually did. Take care of yourself.

[Moonbeamtag]

Seeking... Trust your gut feeling ! Very seldom does our ituition lie to us.

I have the same issues, and I think it boils down to the trust factor. I even hate to leave the house to go get groceries, or see my folks because I have learned that 5 minutes after I'm out the door, he is online looking at p. I'm trying to figure out what is healthy for me, and you should think about the same. If WE become obsessed over what they are doing, aren't we just falling into a different addiction ?

I'm really working hard to set some boundries for myself here. I'm a terrible snoop if I think something isn't ringing true, and he has actually given me the name of "super sleuth" But...if I feel I'm being lied to, I feel this compulsion to check...what a catch 22 this is ! Do I leave it alone, and ignore it....or go and look only to find things that I don't want to find ? I think I need to pick up the book Co-dependent NO More !!! LOL

[apachedove]

Samething going on at my house. It was over 4 months since my other half even attempted to be near me, and when he did,well he went through the motions but he got nothing from it.

Every night he's on the computer and on it 10 hours sat. and sun. All there is on the pc is porn and sex dating sites he has signed up for. He has 3 different email accounts, and yeah snoop, if I didn't I wouldn't know how bad his habit is.

I sit alone in the livingroom watching TV, while he's in the bedroom taking care of business. If I try talking to him, his mind is so far away it would take a month for him to find his way back.

Makes me sick to think that he prefers looking at porn and taking care of himself then to actually be with a real person.

I guess for me its just watching more TV by myself, or having a conversation with the cat!