What can I do with the fury and hurt I feel

[seeking help]

Hi,
I am feeling very alone right now. I have gone to a doctor and had several medical tests over the last 4 days (EEG, EMG, Ultrasound, 2 sets of X-Rays and 2 blood tests and have just learned that I am about to go for an MRI. All this is to investigate what my doctor thinks is melanoma (cancer) which started with a growth on my scalp and may have spread throughout my body.

I feel a need for support right now, but hubby is upstairs on his computer - likely looking at Pornography or investigating his mystical interests like energy theory, theories about the Illumanati who he says are going to take over the world or investigating the idea that is going around re: the earth will be destroyed in 2012.

I don't like taking a second seat to all his computer time. In fact I feel hurt and furious. But I don't know what to do with those feelings. I know that expressing them will just make them worse but I can't ust ignore them. What are some ways to cope with these overwhelming emotions and still stay sane?

Thanks for any input.
Seeking Help.

[Toria]

Hi Seeking Help,

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I hope that the tests show that the growth isn't as bad as it sounds. I can only offer my sympathy and support at this time and I'm sorry I can't offer anything else.

I have tried to look around for a journal or thread about you but so far, I don't know much about you and your husband.

Have you tried the usual things - writing a letter, laying down boundaries and showing him this site?

I can only think of two reasons why he is behaving in this way:

1) His PA has got so serious that he cannot go any time without his 'fix', that is why he spending so much time on the PC alone, the P has clouded his judgement and not even the person he loves can drag him away from the screen. In this case, I would consider spending some time alone, if you can. You are going through such a tough time that you shouldn't have to deal with his problems too. Have you got a friend or relative that you could stay with whilst you are having the tests? The time away might be a wake up call for him to change his ways.

2) The tests that you are having are just as scary for him as they are for you, he is finding it difficult to face his emotions and has found a 'sanctuary' in P and the Internet. He is in denial about both his PA and your health and needs to get a grip. In this case, I would try writing the letter, explaining that right now you need his support more than ever.

Nonetheless, right now you need to be looking after yourself. Although PA is serious, your health is far more important. You obviously want to help your husband as you are here seeking advice, but I would concentrate on yourself before starting a new battle over PA.

Toria x