My First Positive Post...Feeling Lots Better!

[dray]

:D Hi to all,

Thanks to everyone for responding to my recent posts...both PAs and SOs. It's so great to have this forum...as we all know, PA is a hard thing to talk about unless you're directly involved. I value your feedback and it helped me to make some informed decisions.

My partner joined SA yesterday, found a sponsor and will be attending meetings and working the 12 steps of SA. Yippee! There were 40 guys at the meeting...big meeting. I'm sure this made him feel less alone in this; he also bought the white book and has been reading it. He said he'll call his sponsor every day and I hope he'll follow through...I think talking to another man daily about it will be very helpful. His actions make me optimistic and I'm very proud of him for having the guts to admit he has a problem. He's also joined this site and has already posted here. He's taking positive steps in the right direction and I'm so grateful.

For the last couple of days, he's been telling me he loves me and being more affectionate. It's important to me...I'm very happy he's making an effort to be closer to me this way. I feel better. One step at a time...

I will be going to my first S-Anon meeting this Thursday and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be wonderful to talk with other women who have been through this, with no hesitation or reserve. I know that will be very healing for me. I haven't talked to too many people about this, because I didn't want people to get a negative impression of the man I love. Of course, I need to talk, and it will be good to do it in a non-judgmental, supportive place.

For a while there, it seemed like I was losing my mind, my identity and my self-image; it seemed so hard just to keep going. I think going to S-Anon will help me to rebuild my self-esteem and strength; I hope it will help me to stay positive, the way I feel right now. That would be great.

So just for today, I'm feeling happier than I have for a long long time...I hope this post gives hope to someone out there.

Thanks for listening.

[Avegan]

Yay :) Glad you're feeling a bit better, hope things carry on in the right direction! x

[Toria]

I'm glad things are looking up for you Dray, and was delighted to see Kenaz has set up an account and has began posting on here :)

What's the latest?

Toria x

[seeking help]

Thanks Dray!

Your upbeat approach is an inspiration to me. I hope you get further encouragement and support from your s-anon group. Let us know how the meeting works out.

Have a Great Month,
Seeking Help

[dray]

Thanks everyone and sorry I've been gone for a while. We temporarily put the computer away while going through abstaining/withdrawal from P/working on ourselves. It's back and P-free. Yippee!!!

Things are good, but we have experienced some setbacks, tantrums, resentments and threats to leave! I suppose that's normal and right now, for today, we're doing extremely well.:D

He's going to SA and has a sponsor and I'm going to S-Anon and have a sponsor. We are both journaling and talking to others in our groups. I have to say, I was unsure if this would work for us, but I see now we've come a long way in a short time.

We're communicating better than we ever have. Our relationship is becoming close, loving and respectful. The best thing for me is the feeling that we're a "team" now...and both playing on the same side! Neither one of us wants to leave. I feel we now have a true commitment, something I was never too sure we had in the past.

I'm proud of myself for staying through the dreaded "drying-out" period and I'm proud of him for REALLY doing it and becoming an honest and caring man, something I was always sure he could be. Now I see it before my eyes, and it's great.

Slowly, my self-esteem, trust and faith come back. Slowly, his self-esteem, openness and real self emerge. What I've learned here is a valuable lesson: patience.

And more patience. And just a little more patience. And even more patience...

It's worth it.