Lost Trust

[seeking help]

Hi,

Does anybody else have the feeling that they do want to check up on their husband when he's at the computer yet don't want to check up since that wouldn't be treating him like an adult?

I have so much trouble just relaxing and going to sleep while he's in his office with his computer. Especially during the many nights that he doesn't go to bed until after 1 AM. He alsways has a believable reason why he had to be online (eg reviewing his resume, doing research for a friend, listening to music, checking out a new spiritual practice, learning about EFT (emotional freedom technique), writing to friends, etc. etc.

I feel like a nasty suspicious wife for feeling that I don't trust him and I feel like a sucky baby for wanting him with me to go to bed together.

I also don't like to see him running on only 4 hrs sleep a night. But I guess that's none of my business since he's an adult and there's nothing I can do about it.

But I still feel hurt and angry and don't know what to do with those feelings. The urge to check up on him gets strong. Has anyone got any tips on how to get some personal peace while hubby is online?

I'd appreciate knowing if others have similar feelings - and what you do with them.

Thanks,
Seeking Help

[slowlybecomingbitter]

For me if I was in your situation I would talk to him about those feelings. But if your hubby is someone who isn't able to handle a conversation like that, I don't know. I try to keep my feelings in matters like that out in the open because I know that my SO is keeping his P addiction out in the open and it facilitates that openness a little bit more on my end I guess. I don't know if that was helpful or not.

SBB

[dray]

I would talk to him about your feelings. I also get very uncomfortable when my SO is on the computer alone.
The 12-step program I'm in (SAnon) says stop looking...you only drive yourself crazy and obsess about it. We can't change him or stop his PA, only he can do that. He can hide anything if he wants to.
I told my PA that if he didn't get help, I would leave. I didn't want to give him an ultimatum, but he lied about it repeatedly so I feel like I had no choice.
Since then, he joined SA, found a sponsor, joined this site and has become much more open and loving with me. We're not past this, but at least I can see progress. I'm grateful for that at this point, but still cautious and lack trust. Hopefully the meetings I go to will help.
Good luck, I hope things get better for you soon.