my husband cant make love to me.

[mybitz]

my husband has swore to me that he is no longer looking at p. But i dont know if i can believe him. the only way he can be inimate is if i mb him or if i do oral. he cannot make love properly to me. this makes me feel ugly and repulsive and that he is still fanasizing about all those images. when he is watching tv his hand is always messing with his crotch and the characters he uses on pc games are always scantily clad women. I know i sound crazy but he did used to watch animated porn sites as well. So i know cartoon characters can be erotic as well. his constant crotch fiddling is driving me mad. i dont know what to do.

[FoolishMind]

Mybitz, I am truly sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

Based on your explanation of current events and his actions, I am hesitantly swaying toward thinking he has not completley stopped his P habit.

He may not be looking at P in the usual way he used to, but his mind most definatley has been consumed.

One thing on that shook me up on my last argument with my wife about this, was, she said she felt like the man. She told me she couldnt beleive it was always her that had to initiate things, it was like she had to beg me to be intimate. Whereas its usually always the man. I felt so small, and basically did not feel like a man at all. Clearly he is wasting some energy on other activities.

Did you write him a letter? Give me an update as to what has happened and what was said / reactions and lets take it from there.

Your not alone mybitz, so chin up, and we can work through this.
FM

[mybitz]

Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me. you confirmed to me what I already knew in my heart. I did write him a letter I left it on his xbox so I knew he would see it. I later saw that it had been opened, but other than that he has not said a word to me. It is as if I never even wrote to him at all. I never berated him or anything like that in it, I just wrote of my pain and all the stuff we are missing out on as a loving couple and all the silly things i have done to gain his attention. But I did say that I have been going through this for seven years, trying over and over to help him fix this problem and this has to be the last time. I cannot go on for another seven years like this.
so thats about it for my letter. It was very long and i poured my heart out to him and told him how much i love him. But as usual no response. Its like living with a robot sometimes. I feel as though he must have no feelings or conscience left in him any more. I eventually broached the subject of the letter, and he said he was sorry and he isn't doing it any more. This was a great improvement on the usual response that I am crazy and I ought to see someone because i have made it all up in my head. ( even when i presented him with evidence of his internet p history). So may be this is a small step. but I must say that it really is as if i never wrote the letter, or gone through any of this pain. he does always do that though. In the past when we have argued about his p use, he likes to carry on with life as if it never happenned and carry on ignoring me whilst he is on the computer for 8 hrs a day after work and 15+ each weekend day. He has always been a gamer and I thought that was my problem untill 7yrs ago I saw that he was using it as a cover to view p. I always did wonder why he was using his lap top at the same time

[mybitz]

He was using gaming as a cover. Now he swears he is isnt looking at p any more he is still on the xbox for the same amount of hrs every day.I feel so much anger inside i want to smash it it and him up, but at the same time i love him desperatley. I think i may end up in a mental asylum eventually.

[Rouge]

I understand what you are going through! There are days when I want to pile the computer, the tv's, and the gaming systems in the middle of the road and smash them up with an ax. It's normal, even though it is not the computer/tv/game's fault! If he doesn't admit he has a problem though, then he might not be ready to fix it. Stay strong!

-R

[Abbie]

Hi MyBitz,

Your story sounds very similar to mine and my PA just a few months ago. My husband is a PA and also a gaming addict, um.. TV addict...I think some people really do have addictive personalities. The times I have accused my hubby of replacing one addiction with another!

Because your husband is not being very communicative with you (as mine is still most of the time!) and he may/may not be in denial, I really think it will help you to read through mine and my husband's journals so you can see what was happening from both sides of the story. Even though our husband's are not communicating, there are still thoughts happening in his mind that he may want to talk to you about. Sometimes it helps us to understand to see it from their side - and believe me, this took some doing from me as I was still very angry with him at the time!

Mine: Abbie's 5yr story....

Hubby's: Bodget1974's Journal

I hope this helps you. >:D<

[timetoheal]

It's hard being married to a PA, isn't it? Go with your gut. You've lived with your husband day in and for years and he's a fool if he thinks you can't pick up on his moods, facial expressions, odd behaviors and the like. Heck I've only been married a little over a year and I can read my husband like a very familiar book!

My hubby likes to throw it in my face I'm playing too many computer games, the Wii, or watching tv too much. I told him the games I play don't have porn in them unless you count The Sims/Sims2 where they shadow out the woo hoo (whoopie) and mostly that's just to have the characters have babies. I told my hubby I would spend LESS time on my computer and tv, etc. when he would come out of the office on HIS OWN initiative and ask for my attention. I go in there to be with him and feel like I'm intruding just by the looks I get like I interrupted something important--uh huh.

We are going through a really rough patch this week and I've shed a lot of tears. Hang in there gal. There's awesome support here. Just venting and knowing I'm not alone either is a huge relief.

[Toria]

Hey Mybitz,

How are things with you and your husband?

Toria x

[cmperry]

I wish I could thank you more than once for that Rouge, I think we have all considered this a time or fifty.

I understand what you are going through! There are days when I want to pile the computer, the tv's, and the gaming systems in the middle of the road and smash them up with an ax. It's normal, even though it is not the computer/tv/game's fault! If he doesn't admit he has a problem though, then he might not be ready to fix it. Stay strong!

-R

[mybitz]

I keep trying to post a reply, spent ages typing. but it didnt get posted when i sent it. Thankyou for thinking of me and everyone else thankyou. I havent time now but i will try to post later. I hope this one gets through.