lost.

[mybitz]

i just signed up today. I don't know what to do or where to start to get help for my husband. I went to the doctor and he said it is not an illness, therefore he cannot treat it.

[hope phul]

Welcome
First thing is that there is nothing that you can really do to fix your husband, he has to want it for himself.

I know the feeling...I have read so many books about porn addiction and sex addiction since I found out 85 days ago. I am a control freak and thought I could "control" this situation. I have learned that I can only control myself and my responses.

With that said, there is a lot of help on this forum to help understand and answer questions.

A good place for you to start is to write a letter to him telling him how you feel, how this hurts you and also that he should do this for himself. There are threads on here about writing that letter. For some the letter has been a big eye opener for the PA and has helped them to go after change. Also maybe you can encourage him to join this site. There is so much support on here for PA

Big thing is realize you are not alone. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. You can read about my story at
My introduction
Hope Phul's Journal

My husband has been completely p & mb free for 85 days. He is doing an online course and seeing a counselor. I am so proud of him. Despite his victories, I am going through my own recovery process! I have good days and really hard days. It gets easier but it is still very challenging!

Best of luck to you!

Thinking of you
C

[hope phul]

Also check out this thread by Searching4Peace. It is helpful as many of the posts from S4P are.

C

[Searching4peace]

Originally Posted by mybitz

i just signed up today. I don't know what to do or where to start to get help for my husband. I went to the doctor and he said it is not an illness, therefore he cannot treat it.

Welcome! I know how frustrating it can be to deal with medical personnel that aren't educated into the illness that addiction is, no matter the form it takes. I'm glad you found us, and hope that we can be of some help for you and for your husband.

First, would you be willing to start a journal of your story for us, those are located in the partners forum as a sub forum, these let us get to know you and to learn how we can better advise you of our experience with your particular situation.

Second, is your husband in denial or acceptance about his addiction? Is he ready to face and overcome it for himself and for you? Regardless of his location on the path of recovery, I recommend that you guide him here. We have many couples who are recovering from PA/and the codependent issues of being a spouse of an addict.

Third, you might want to read up on some of our stories. We find that it's easier to relate to those that have been where we are or where we have been. You will find no shortage of people here that can relate and sympathize with your situation, and the benefit is we can share how we handled the same things. I recommend a few from both sides to read first...Why read journals of a PA? It's always good to see life from the other side of the fence that way you can relate to your husband better and truly understand what he's going through.

SO Journals
Searching4peace's Journal as a wife of a PA
Abbie's 5yr story....

PA Journals
Farmer's Journal
For Me - AirKeep's Journal

These are just a few of the many you can read and post to...You will see many different levels of recovery here...we strive to be non judgmental and to be open and honest with everyone. I'm glad you found TTF, and know that with some hard work and dedication on both of your parts, you can beat this.

Peace and Love,
Crys

[mamampj]

Hugs. It can be so difficult, but you are really not alone.

Therapists can help, but not all of them are qualified to or familiar with these types of problems. You may have to look for a while. Are there 12 Step groups in your area?