Wake up calls-- if you feel afraid

[brulant]

Hey everyone
This is a tough topic, but I do think that it should be addressed. I had attempted to talk to an admin about TFF starting a sticky on this topic several days ago, but haven't heard back yet. In light of several recent postings I think that I should just go ahead and post it. I was happy to see some wonderful responses to those postings, but I do think this issue should be addressed up front. This is part of the dark side that can often go hand in hand with addictive partners and since its not often a fun topic far too many things, which otherwise could have been prevented go from bad to worse.

This is not acceptable in my mind.

I know that if this post crosses boundaries that it will be removed politely and discreetly with no harm/no foul. I'm okay with that, but I will never be okay with abuse and will always deal with it instead of turning the other way. Far too many people in our world help violence happen by looking the other way and sweeping it under the rug, IMHO.

If the addict reacts violently this is a HUGE red flag. Once physical violence has entered a relationship there is *no* turning back and statistically it is staggering to find out that violence only escalates.

There are times where that one occasion does become a wake up call to the partner to address their issues and reactions, but usually this is not the case.

If violence does enter your relationship then at the very least find the number to a domestic violence group in your area. Its better you have it in case you need it and we'd all love that you never need to use it. If your partner does wind up having violent tendencies then please use extreme caution and DO NOT TELL THEM you have this number things will escalate.

Addiction can cause incredibly heightened emotions and it can trigger some pretty powerful things.

Please do remember that violence is NEVER acceptable.
When we begin to allow that kind of abuse to ourselves it has devastating consequences.

Find some books on boundaries and I highly recommend a book called "The Gift of Fear". It addresses fear in amazing complex ways.... if you do feel afraid in your relationship then listen to it. Fear can keep us safe or it can prevent us from getting out of a horrible situation.

If you are afraid then please do look onto domestic violence support systems in your area.

The fear of being alone allows us to put up with things that previously would have sent us running.... especially as we get older or feel in an incredibly vulnerable situation. We are on here because we feel vulnerable so this can be especially dangerous for us. ; )

Whatever you do do NOT ignore it.
It doesn't go away.

Thanks and please do take care of yourself!!!
brulant