Jokes & Humour

[FoolishMind]

Use this thread to post your favorite jokes and other humorous quotes /one liners.

Let me know by Private Message if you want to create a Poems thread.


Note: Please be mindful of posting jokes with s3xual content. Anything posted that is not deemed appropriate, will be automatically removed without notification. Forum rules still apply here, and in breaking of rules can potentially result in you being suspended from this site.

[FoolishMind]

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it.

As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped her.
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson didn't pop up right now.

But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her,is a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asked,"Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just by touching it, you'll Sh1T in your pants when you hear the price."

[FoolishMind]

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

[HalfPint]

2 muffins are in an oven
One muffin looks at the other and says "man its hot in here"
the other muffin looks at the first and screams saying "AHHHH, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

[FoolishMind]

Two bananas are laying on the bank of a river. A turd floats by and says, "Come on in! The water's fine!" One banana turns to the other and says, "You believe that crap?!"

[HalfPint]

two cups in a bar, ones empty and ones full. The full one looks at the empty one and says "Man your drunk", so the empty one looked and replied "Yea, well your going to be hammered here soon!"

[FairyG]

A man and his dog go to the movies. During the funny scenes, the dog laughs. When there's a sad part, the dog cries. This goes on for the entire film: laughing and crying in all the right places.

After the show, a man who was sitting behind them comes up and says, "that was truly amazing!"

"It sure was", the dog owner replies. "He hated the book."

[Inshi]

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

[Inshi]

In an interview,the interviewer said to the boy "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"

The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this."What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!" "How" the interviewer asked, "Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

[FoolishMind]

''Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was
drinking battery acid, the other was eating
fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one
off."