A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
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aHAHAAHah .. LOL ... all are just hilarious !! .. especially the one about the lady and the lexus and the other about the chinese and spielberg ..
well here goes.. hope you like this one :
Bill Gates died. He was sent to the Afterlife Waiting Room. He was met by St. Peter, who asked him if he wanted to go to Heaven or Hell, and if he'd like to see them before he decided.
Bill said yes, and St. Peter snapped his fingers. They appeared on a sunny beach, with people dancing, swimming, and playing volleyball. Just basically having a wonderful time. Good food, good music, good people.
Bill turns to St. Peter and says, "Wow, Heaven is great!" St. Peter says, "This isn't Heaven, it's Hell. Want to see Heaven?" Mr. Gates nods yes, and they appear in a shady park, with a few old people sitting on benches feeding birds. A gentle breeze blows by, and all is quiet and serene.
St. Peter asks Bill, "Well, which would you like?" Bill thinks for a minute, and says, "Well, if this is Heaven, then I'll take Hell." Instantly, he was plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, the screams of other tortured souls filling his ears.
He looks up, and sees St. Peter in the waiting room. Bill calls out to him, and said, "Hey! What's going on? Where's the beach? The bikini-clad women? The party?" St. Peter turns from his Macintosh to face Bill, and says, "That was just the demo."
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While my friend was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
A brain and a set of spark plugs go into a pub.
The barman takes one look at them and says 'I'm not serving you two I'm afraid; you're clearly out of your head and you look like your about to start something!'
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line.
He says: “OK, now what?“
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
A duck walks in to a bar. It looks up at the barman and says "have you got any bread?" The barman looks down at the duck and says "no we haven';t now clear off"
15 minutes later the duck is back. Again he looks up at the barman "Have you got any bread?". The barman is getting annoyed and shouts a bit. "No we haven't now clear off"
15 minutes later the duck is back looking at the barman "have you got any bread?". The barman is rattled now. "No we damned well haven't now clear off and if you come back in here again I will nail your beak to the bar.
15 minutes later the duck is back again. The barman gives him a threatening look. The duck asks, "have you got any nails?" The barman answers "no we haven't", so the duck looks up again "have you got any bread?"
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.
The Russians used a pencil.
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
A man leads a bad life and is sent to hell. Satan meets him at the gate and says there are three rooms where he can be sent and the man will be able to choose which one he goes to.
The first room is full of people standing on their heads being prodded with tridents by demons. The man doesn't like the look of this and asks to see the next room.
The second room is full of people standing on their heads being burnt in an eternal flame. "This is even worse" sain the man "Show me the last room!"
The third room is full of people standing waist deep in sewage with the most horrible things floating in ti drinking cups of tea. "This isn't so bad the man says, I'll have this one".
The man collects his tea and has only just started drinking when a demon runs in and shouts "OK, tea break is over, back on your heads!"
04-05-2008, 03:56 PM
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