Hey all, im also new here. Ive been a porn addict since the age of 10, and now approaching age 21, my self respect has shattered. This is the last straw. Just a day ago, i realized how low i had struck. I was searching for porn, any porn, as long as it could fill the void that i felt. Its hard to explain what I felt at that moment that i snapped, but whatever it was, it was numbing. I spent the rest of that night in a state of fear and disgust. I finally have come to realize that I am a true addict.
Since i was little, i made it a habit to view porn almost every day, to every other day. In todays society, who was there to tell me that it was wrong? Guys look at porn. thats all i heard. Simply put, it felt as though what i was doing was perfectly normal, and acceptable. Now looking back, I realize that for more than half of my life, i have had this addiction. Its time to stop.
As of two days ago, I promised myself and god that i would get over this addiction, once and for all. Ive read pieces of other threads on the site, and im beginning to understand the process to overcome my addiction. It wont be an easy one im sure.
I hope to be able to post back on this thread whenever i have temptations, or when i have accomplished a goal that i have set. I realize that i cannot set a goal of being porn free from this day forward, but i plan to take it a day at a time.
It is very late, but i will be sure to post back tomorrow. Thank you TTF for being here to help me, and everyone who can help me on my journey. Thank you all.
# of Days Porn Free: 2
(Days in a row)
Ampp33
10 years tired
The Following User Says Thank You to ampp3 For This Useful Post:
Welcome, we're glad to have you. If I may offer a simple piece of advice:
Start a journal, and write in it often. It really helps. Can't explain why, but it does. Other people have better advice than I do and they'll offer it to you shortly.
If you have any questions about the site, feel free to ask me.
-Cobalt
Skol'ko b nitej ne plyol obman
Pokazhet lik sveta istina
Cobalt's given you some great advice already with the journal. It's a very worthwhile thing to write! Also congratulations on two days clean! The first days are often the hardest!
I'd encourage you to read about the site a bit, there is lots of reallly good stuff about. Two journals I would particularly recommend are:
If you keep positive and take this one step at a time I'm confident you will beat this! It will take time and effort but you can do it!
The very best of luck to you,
Ben
P.S. If you need any help with the site feel free to message myself or any of the other moderators. We're happy to help out.
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." - Sir Winston Churchill
I have to say, within the last 4 days, my urge to look at porn, has been remote, and non-existent. This is thanks, of course, to my journal. (Thank you Cobalt and all of you who suggested it)
I never realized how much i needed to write out about this addiction. The first day of the journal, i simply wrote out how i felt, simple, not a huge breakthrough, but helpful.
The second day in a row that i used my journal, i filled up EIGHT pages in 30 minutes. I couldnt believe how easily it was coming from me, and how good it felt to write it out. I explained to myself what porns i had seen, and why each one caught my attention, and why i felt attatched to it. Needless to say, ive seen a LOT of kinds of porn. However, looking back on this, has brought me into a state of shock, and misery. How did i let this get so far out of hand? Why did i do all this? why did i jump from porn to porn? Through my journal, and answering why i liked each porn, answered the big question to me. All i was searching for, was for a mutual loving bond. I realized that i wanted to be loved fully from somebody, and to love them with all my heart back. This is what i have been searching for in porn. Can you imagine how torn of an image this must have given me my whole life?
Needless to say, looking back on the porn that i saw,caused me to become quite depressed in the last few days. I feel horrible for what I enjoyed, and for how close i let myself come to it. I keep asking myself, "Is there something wrong with me?" "will i be ok?" In my current state of relaxation and moment of great truth, I realize that I am on the track to becoming the guy i was always meant to be. Now, slowly but surely, all of that pain is washing away. I just hope that this guilt will leave me be.
Thank you friends for the links to the journals of others who were struggling. They gave me the strength to empty my thoughts on here, and work my way to being free.
Now, 4 days porn free, i know that im going to be fine.
And i cant help but feel the extreme joy when i hear the the words and heaven-like chorus in the song "Sombody to love" by Queen when they sing,
"I just gotta get out of this prison cell,
Someday Im gonna be free, lord!"
Thats going to be all of us. And I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys.
Ready to stop -
07-09-2008, 06:16 AM
Welcome -
07-09-2008, 07:19 AM
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