Beginning of the End

[GlassEyes]

Hello Everyone,

I sit here on my bedroom floor praising God that I have finally found a place to seek help and find accountability. It is 2:30 in the morning so I cannot afford to spend too long on my introduction, but now is the only time we have and I refuse to put anything off in relation to defeating this sin.

As hard as it is for a guy like me to say anything succinctly, I'll try for a reader's digest version of my history.

I was raised in a Christian home, saved at a young age, but as happens with many in my position, my faith never really hit home. I didn't understand it and I took it for granted. By age thirteen my hormones and curiosity led me to innocently type those first fateful words into a search field. I had no idea just what door I had opened and how difficult it would be to close.

For the next three years I was completely consumed with P. During that time I learned to MB and engaging in these two activities was my life for three or four years. Those years are a blur now, I don't remember much of them, but I was a smart kid and managed to keep my family completely oblivious to my activities despite the fact that I did all of it on our one family pc. Thankfully that Faith that I didn't understand was nevertheless real and I began to realize that I was ruining my life. I confessed to my parents, which was the first huge step toward healing. Sadly they have had no idea how to help me overcome this sin, and without intending any disrespect toward them, they would rather not be aware of my still continuing problem.

Though I have not had any direct mentorship, support, or accountability God has helped me learn so much in these last years and as I have grown closer and closer to him I have moved further and further from my addiction.

At 19 I still have not managed to defeat my MB addiction though there have been periods of weeks without falling into that temptation. By cutting off access to the internet over the course of this summer I have almost completely eliminated my P access, except for tonight, which is why you find me here now.

For a year and a half now I have known a girl that I have grown to love more and more and have become close friends with. I hope to marry her someday, but right now I know it is imperetive that I finally gain control over this sin, before even thinking about soliciting her affection.

My problem is that as long as I am regularly in her presence I have no struggle with either of my problems. This works great until the end of the summer, then she leaves for a semester in Italy. I do not want to return to all of my old habits after the progress I have made just because my crutch is gone. I cannot depend on her to save me from myself, only God can do that.

I know that my heavenly Father can help me overcome this, but I need to have accountability partners to keep up with me day to day, and would be honored if you guys will fill that roll.
I hope to be able to return the favor by being helpful and encouraging as we win this battle together.

You shall hear more from me once I have time to browse around and become familiar with the forum.

Thanks for having a place like this guys.

(yes that was the short version)

[ekwan]

You can get motivation tapes like Anthony Robbins' "Awaken the Giant Within" or "Giant Steps". They are on audio cassette. Also you can listen the thread on Advice for Newbies on this website.

[Newman]

GE,
You still around?

[GlassEyes]

Yeah I'm still around. Funny you should ask, I just crashed for the first time in over a month, but I'm still going strong and am not going to let it get me down. It's about time I cruise around the forums again and see how everyone is doing. Thanks for the reminder.