new here - first post

[TowardsBetterLife]

Hello,

This is my first post though I have visited the website several times before to read posts which always inspire me. I have been addicted to p and mb for many years, I started in p and mb many years ago in college. Looking back, I realize it’s been a terrible waste of time and energy and I’m ashamed of it.

My first goal is to be p and mb free for two weeks. It may seem like a small goal, but for me it will be a significant accomplishment. The most I have gone p and mb free is 3 weeks (this was a few years ago). After I achieve the first 2 weeks I will go for two more weeks, making it a full month.

To help me achieve this goal, I plan to visit this site at least 3 times per week, and post at least once per week, to help keep me on track.

Thank you all for your wonderful posts and great efforts to be clean, it’s an inspiration to me.

[Farmer]

Welcome TBL.

I was you 72 days ago. If you have a strong desire to change your old habits to new, healthy habits you will succeed. This celibacy contract info from saahelp.com has worked well for me:

Celibacy Contract

Celibacy (abstinence) contract
Celibacy contract involves a prescribed period of no sexual activity with self or others, any pornography, chat rooms, affairs, etc. The primary goal of the celibacy period is to allow the fear, anxiety, pain and shame that the sex addict has been trying to escape - to surface.
Sex addict can often for the first time begin to glimpse the myriad of issues they have sought escape from and the ritualized fantasy they have often engaged in.

During this celibacy period, the therapist has the opportunity to obtain a detailed sexual history, a detailed family of origin history, and begin the process of understanding how the sex addict became socialized around their sexually compulsive behaviors as well as the process of self-harm as an escape mechanism.

As the client's treatment progresses, the clinician is able to illuminate how their distorted self-belief system has concretized their belief that acting out with masturbation increases their sense of isolation and separateness. What the client seeks in their masturbatory fantasy world probably centers on sexual acts with others yet their compulsive masturbation reinforces the belief that, "I am alone, no one will desire sexually; therefore I am responsible for meeting more core sexual needs alone."
Abstinence period / celibacy period

Early in the treatment it is suggested that sex addicts abstain from all sexual activities, including masturbation, for 30-90 days (because masturbation is so often a part of the compulsive behavior of the sex addict, it is important to refrain from this activity as well).
An abstinence period enables them to learn that they can indeed survive without sex, and allows them to get in touch with feelings that have been avoided and covered up with sexual activity.
When they stop all sexual activity, some addicts report psychological withdrawal symptoms.

[TowardsBetterLife]

Farmer

Thank you for the ssahelp.com website. I like the idea of sponsorship and being celibate for 30-90 days (I'd love to do achieve that). I've filled out a detailed sexual history and I'm ready to email it. I am not sure what is wanted in the detailed family of origin history. How much detail and what kind of info are they looking for?

Thanks.

[Farmer]

TBL,

When the moderators get online, they will welcome you and offer more links that are helpful. A new user guide if you will. They can also talk to you about sponsorship.

What I found helpful was to create my journal in the journal forum. I also posted my sexual history in my journal. Until then, I recommend you read a few journals and get the hang of it and start one for yourself.

I am not a moderatory nor a sponsor, I just wanted your 1st post to be answered quickly and today seems unusually slow on the forums. That said, your are more than welcome to PM me with any question that you feel you would like to keep private. You can also post questions in the recovery forum and the whole group will help you.

I think you will find this is a good place to be while recovering.

Farmer

[stingerD39]

Welcome,

I am a partner of a PA who in complete denial of the problem. It is good that you acknowledge how it is indeed a waste of time with p and mb. Seeking help for ANY type of addiction is hard for everyone, but you're here now, and you won't regret it. Being a partner, I get to see the posts and understand the struggle with PA, and instead of looking down on anyone, I admire them for trying to make a change in their lives for the better. This is a very sensitive subject to deal with, and it's not easy finding support.

Good Luck, and keep up the good work!

[AJP2008]

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with MB and long as you don;t look at P to do it, if I went 2 weeks without MB i;d bust a nut (no pun intended). It's a relief and takes away the thought of P seeking for me.

[Vorlan]

Welcome to the site TBL,

Great work in finding this site, I hope you will find it as helpful and as informative as I have. I recommend you read around the site a bit. I agree it's a bit daunting (It takes me hours just to get through a the posts of a couple of days) so I'll give you a few of the best resources avaliable:


FM's recovery journal: The truth is painful - but required

HP's recovery journal: My Struggle - HalfPint

Strategies for avoiding past mistakes: Strategies for avoiding past mistakes

Things to do to avoid looking at P (Alternatives for winding down): Alternatives for winding down

Best of TTF: Best of TTF - add to it!

Internet filter software and reviews: Internet Filter Software & Reviews

There are lots more great journals and resources but these are some of the best.

Try to take things one step at a time and keep positive! You can do it!

Best of luck to you,

Ben

[Sheemie]

Welcome TBL! Glad you're here. Lots of great advice here in this thread already. I found that the getting started articles here, and the "mission plan"were very helpful to me. Good luck! :)

[TowardsBetterLife]

Farmer, Vorlan and all -

Thank you for you helpfull advice and encouragement. I've been away from the site for the last week due to very busy work week. I will take time this weekend to brouse the recommended links as much as I can.

For the past week, I have been 100% p free - GOOD!, but unfortutely not mb free, more work to do on that.

AJP2008: I partially agree. I agree with you that viewing p should definately be avoided. But regarding mb - I was once in a martial arts group, and in order to be admitted into on of the "levels", it was highly recommended (but not manditory) that the men (and women too) first go totally without sex for 40 days. I didn't achieve the 40 days, but those men who did noticed significant improvements in their mental and physical health. Better, clearer thinking, improved memory, more physical energy and strength etc. Note - Nocturnal emmissions were considered OK. Anyway, I want to achieve complete celibacy for at least 90 days at a time.

[Vorlan]

Great to see you back TowardsBetterLife,

Congratulations on keeping P-free for a week! Thats awesome! Keep it up.

I'm with you on MB. Personally I've stopped MB as well as watching P. MB is just as much of a problem to me as P. This is just me though. If MB is fine for anyone else thats cool so long as you keep it in moderation.

Keep up the good work!

Best of luck,

Ben