Life with a PA – the Dark Side of the Moon

[Crisodian]

I stumbled across this site by accident. What an amazing post, fictional or otherwise.

24 hours after the "confrontation" this sums up my feelings better than I could. Thank you.

I'm glad I found this site.

~C~

[little_wife]

I think FairyG's post is so representative of how I've always felt also. I think it should be a part of the TTF articles; it's amazingly accurate and gets the the heart of what a SO goes through.

[Pinky]

FarilyG!
i HAVE GOT TO SAY THAT YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OFF MY LIPS.I READ NESSY RESPONCE TO YOUR LETTER AND AS SHE SAID......... THIS SAYING I HAVE GOT TO SAY THE SAME THING AS SHE SAID.SHE WROTE THIS AND THIS IS HOW I FELL ALSO.
(I could have not wrote this better myself.
Those seem to be the words from my mouth, the feelings from my heart, that just fell out on to the page in front of me!}
I found this site and I have been looking for some kind of support system, just so I know I am not loosing my mind just yet.

MY HUSBAND LEFT 3 MONTHS AGO AND I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HIM.
I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER=((
I BELIVE IN MY HEART THAT THERE HAS BEEN TO MANY LIES,MISTRUST AND HURT ABOUT HIS PA OVER THE LAST 12 YRS THAT I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM .HE CUT ME OUT OF HIS LIFE YEARS AGO BECAUSE I COULD NOT BE THAT WOMEN HE NEED IN BED.
ALL THIS HAS CAUSE ME TO, HAVE HATE AND ANGER AND ALOT MORE FOR HIM.
HOW I HATE HIM SOMETIMES
I HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP TO MANY NIGHT TO COUNT, AND IT DID NOT BROTHER HIM AT ALL .
HE JUST LAYED THERE AND LET ME CRY.
HOW COULD SOMEONE HAVE SUCH A COLD HEART TO BE ABLE TO HURT SOMEONE LIKE THAT.
I HAVE FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM=(( , I STILL LOVE HIM AS A PERSON BUT THAT MAN THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH DOES NOT EXIST AND THE TRUTH NONE HE NEVER DID.
AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE OF TAKE A LONG BATH , SHOWER OR WATCH A MOVIE IN MY B/ROOM WITH OUT HAVING MAJOR PANIC ATTACT.
I GOT TO THE POINT THAT I COULD NOT STAND ANOTHER DAY LIKE THAT.
I AM TRYING TO LOOK FORWARD TO MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE WITH THE HELP OF GOD AND FRIENDS ON THIS SITE TO HELP ME MOVE ON .
I HAVE READ ALOT ABOUT MEN HAVING THIS PROBLEM AND THERE IS NO FIX,EXCEPT FOR THE PA TO GET HELP AND HE TRIED THAT AND THAT DID NOT WORK.
HE HAS BEEN A RUNNER ALL HIS LIFE AND CAN NOT HOLD A WIFE LONG .
I FILL THAT IS WHAT HE HAS DONE WITH ME.
BELEAVE ME I DON'T WANT TO START OVER AT 53 ,AND IT HAS BEEN VERY HARD WITH OUT HIM TO HELP OUT .
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I AM DOING IT,AND I LIVE IN THE NORTH EAST TENNESSEE AND THE WINTER ARE COLD AND LONG WITH ALOT OF SNOW.
PRAY FOR ME THAT GOD WILL GIVE ME GRACE TO CARRY ON AND MAKE SOMETHING POSTIVE OUT OF THIS.

PINKY

[Pinky]

THANK YOU FARILYG, for taking the time to read my story from the past 12 years.
also thank you for taking the burdens of my husband and myself up on youself to pray for us.
I have so many emotions of LOVE,HATE ANGER and that all just seems to keep me from getting close to GOD AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.
It's like i don't get any quite time for myself, I am always having to figure out what next sept I need to take to make till the next day.
I broke ny back in1999 and from that I had 4 surgerys.
that left me with damage in my back and all the left leg so it is very hard doing the things that it would take a man to do.
I have to burn wood for heat and that leaves me with finding wood for sale and then getting it in to the house, my back fell like it can't take it anymore and I fell that way at times myself.I fall alot and with the snow we have got make it so hard to get anything done with out falling.
We have had 72 inches so far.
I am so tired of being a prisoner in my on house.
Can't wait till summer comes
thanks again....
Pinky

FarilyG!
i HAVE GOT TO SAY THAT YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OFF MY LIPS.I READ NESSY RESPONCE TO YOUR LETTER AND AS SHE SAID......... THIS SAYING I HAVE GOT TO SAY THE SAME THING AS SHE SAID.SHE WROTE THIS AND THIS IS HOW I FELL ALSO.
(I could have not wrote this better myself.
Those seem to be the words from my mouth, the feelings from my heart, that just fell out on to the page in front of me!}
I found this site and I have been looking for some kind of support system, just so I know I am not loosing my mind just yet.

MY HUSBAND LEFT 3 MONTHS AGO AND I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HIM.
I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER=((
I BELIVE IN MY HEART THAT THERE HAS BEEN TO MANY LIES,MISTRUST AND HURT ABOUT HIS PA OVER THE LAST 12 YRS THAT I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM .HE CUT ME OUT OF HIS LIFE YEARS AGO BECAUSE I COULD NOT BE THAT WOMEN HE NEED IN BED.
ALL THIS HAS CAUSE ME TO, HAVE HATE AND ANGER AND ALOT MORE FOR HIM.
HOW I HATE HIM SOMETIMES
I HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP TO MANY NIGHT TO COUNT, AND IT DID NOT BROTHER HIM AT ALL .
HE JUST LAYED THERE AND LET ME CRY.
HOW COULD SOMEONE HAVE SUCH A COLD HEART TO BE ABLE TO HURT SOMEONE LIKE THAT.
I HAVE FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM=(( , I STILL LOVE HIM AS A PERSON BUT THAT MAN THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH DOES NOT EXIST AND THE TRUTH NONE HE NEVER DID.
AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE OF TAKE A LONG BATH , SHOWER OR WATCH A MOVIE IN MY B/ROOM WITH OUT HAVING MAJOR PANIC ATTACT.
I GOT TO THE POINT THAT I COULD NOT STAND ANOTHER DAY LIKE THAT.
I AM TRYING TO LOOK FORWARD TO MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE WITH THE HELP OF GOD AND FRIENDS ON THIS SITE TO HELP ME MOVE ON .
I HAVE READ ALOT ABOUT MEN HAVING THIS PROBLEM AND THERE IS NO FIX,EXCEPT FOR THE PA TO GET HELP AND HE TRIED THAT AND THAT DID NOT WORK.
HE HAS BEEN A RUNNER ALL HIS LIFE AND CAN NOT HOLD A WIFE LONG .
I FILL THAT IS WHAT HE HAS DONE WITH ME.
BELEAVE ME I DON'T WANT TO START OVER AT 53 ,AND IT HAS BEEN VERY HARD WITH OUT HIM TO HELP OUT .
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I AM DOING IT,AND I LIVE IN THE NORTH EAST TENNESSEE AND THE WINTER ARE COLD AND LONG WITH ALOT OF SNOW.
PRAY FOR ME THAT GOD WILL GIVE ME GRACE TO CARRY ON AND MAKE SOMETHING POSTIVE OUT OF THIS.

PINKY

[FairyG]

Glad that my writing has helped...even if only by making everyone realise that we're not alone in all this!
Love and light to you all, and good luck on your journey :)

[little_wife]

The famous FairyG! ^:)^
Thank you for your story. It really has to be one of the most touching and most accurately expressed. I'm glad you came back if only to let us know you're doing well. I read your other post about your children. It sounds as if you're doing well, and are happy. It's always so nice to know that others have made it past the worst times, and move on. And although you don't know me, BIG, BIG HUGS!

[forgotten_not]

I know all this because now I’m this miserable, lonely, paranoid person, who checks his internet history every chance I get. I’m jealous, controlling, emotional, suspicious. I hate to leave him alone to go shopping or go to bed early or watch tv without him. I can’t even take a shower in peace without knowing what he’ll be looking at as long as he can hear the water running. Even when I don’t check his computer, I still KNOW when he’s been looking: he acts differently, he looks different, he just seems…different. He pushes me away emotionally, puts barriers up, won’t talk to me.

Who can I turn to? I can’t tell my friends, my family – they might judge him for being a pervert and I don’t want to give him that label…or maybe they’d judge me, for being a prude!

I feel like an uptight freak, alone in the world.

My world is crumbling, and I am lost.
I am confused, I am in pain.
I love him, I hate this.

What will it take for me to be all he needs?

I'm new to TTF, but saw your post & relate word for words with what you've written. Now I don't know if I can be of any help to you other than being a friend; an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on, but know that I could use a friend to get through this right now too. I hope we can talk more soon. Thanks & g'luck hun.

- forgotten not

[Dan777]

thank you for sharing these articles ladies, i must say i can't even read it all, but i know it's what i need to hear. I ask God for a wife often, but i also ask him to keep one from me until I've beaten this thing cold. I have to turn my life around, I'm working on my loneliness issues which are a trigger for me, at times i find myself fantasizing about women in real life encounters... I know that it's a downward spiral, and I want to spare my wife from this destruction.... thank you for these words.

[NewHope10]

FairyG...I am new to TTF and I stumbled upon your post. I sat here...reading it...heart breaking...in awe at how you took the words right out of my mouth (although I wouldn't be able to express or articulate it half as well as you did! Thank you. Thank you for letting us know that we are not alone.

[rettajane]

exactly my feelings too -such a mishmash of emotions--don't they have any idea what they're doing to our hearts,mind&soul??...whatever happened to willpower,&respect?...BS addiction....sometimes I think its just an excuse..a way to keep on doing it without guilt.