hi

[elle kay]

SO here. I don't need to write how i feel , ive read some of the SO journals and they say it all<br><br>I'm very lucky to have a husband who 'gets it', finally, and is seeking help, for him as well as for me<br><br>i need support for me, and understanding for him.

[Mac]

Hi! Elle Kay, Welcome to TTF
You say your H gets it. Well that is the first step for both of you.
You need support? This is a great place for exactly that. You have been reading others journals here so you know you are not alone.

Wishing you and your H everything good in your recovery

Mac

[elle kay]

thank you
it has come almost as a massive relief to find that everything that i thought was wrong with me, why i couldnt 'get over it' , why i couldnt move on, wasnt because i am fatally flawed but is all a reaction to an external trauma. everything made sense, how i have been with him, how he has been with me. I'm also learning that his actions have maybe not been as simple as they appeared. I have to understand it wasnt all out of a seedy desire for sexual kicks. He was in a mess too. At least, i think so. Its hard to get my head round everything. I know he needs my support because he's the one with the problem, but i'm left with the fallout of it. It's really a tough place right now and i'm very up and down. at least we are communicating the truth, at last. but the truth is scarey of how much damage has been done

[SOHope]

Hi Elle Kay,

Welcome to TTF. I'm sorry you find yourself in the situation you are in though I am glad you found this great family called TTF!
I understand you must be going through a difficult time right now. Feel free to share your every emotion you feel, knowing you will not be judged. You will be supported and loved here.
I recommend you start a journal if you are comfortable doing so. It has been a great support for me to do so here and to hear about other SOs like myself and sometimes getting feedback from PAs as well.
Again, welcome! Remember to take care of yourself through this and be gentle with yourself...this has nothing to do with you!

[JenMac]

Hi Elle Kay,
I am glad you are here. Such a relief it was for me to find this place 22 months ago, and so I am sure it is the same for you.
Such a journey it has been Elle, but it all starts with that horrific discovery. The trauma of that as well as the information that comes from that will be with us for a long time. It is natural to feel knocked off your feet for a time.
For me, little by little, the strength in me returned, and I can tell you it was in no small way a result of being here amongst such wonderfully supportive and caring people.
You are safe here Elle. You have others who know what you have experienced and are willing to help guide you through it. By getting those thoughts and feelings out, you will hopefully be releasing them from your innermost self and clearing a way for healing to happen. It will of course take time, but I am here to tell you that it can happen.
Sending you huge hugs in your time of sorrow.
Jenn

[JenMac]

Hi Elle,
I forgot to mention that there is a couples chat here each Wednesday evening at 8 PM EST. Not sure if your husband intends to join us here or not, but it may be a good thing to share together.
All the best to you!
Jenn

[elle kay]

thanks jen. i showed my husband one of the journals a couple of weeks ago (walking wounded) as it put everything i felt into words. i was totally out of my body the last couple of weeks. It made him feel sick what he had done. then he worried i will stay in depression forever (i do too).

this week i feel slightly more grounded and like a physical person, instead of a helium balloon of pain. yesterday i started reading your journal and again it matched my state of mind and everything i feel. The glimmer of positivity underlying the pain. The husband who is getting help. Its his first session today with a specialist. Now everything is out in the open and we see everything for what it really is, we feel more connected than we have since the first discovery 3 1/2 years ago. for the first time i am turning to him for comfort instead of away from him. even though it was him that hurt me. and i'm grieving for that purity of love we had before this happened.

love is healing
love makes you safe
love makes you feel loved

and i struggle to understand how it led me to this

[Disillusioned]

Hi Elle Kay, and welcome to TTF. All of the people here, so diverse in age, location, and whether as an SO or PA, have all been hurt by the modern plague that is p. I encourage you to keep reading and learning so that you know what the real problem is. P is the perfect storm in our lives, that mixes how our men grew up and were taught not to acknowledge pain, and HH and his mag rag PB and philosophy of it's fine, no matter what the age, to have relationships (?) with 20 year old women, if you are successful in life ($) you can do this too. If not, you can see what we successful men enjoy. Hum-bug!!! These are messed up young women and really messed up men. 20 year old girls should be interested in young men around their age, not men in their 40's and up. HH has taught men to see other human beings, young women, as body parts and objects. He tells them that everyone does this and that all men are entitled to do it. Then we have the technology and delivery of p via the internet, and we have an explosion of men with problems with PA. We have young men who have never had a real relationship being addicted to the emptiness that is p. We have wonderful, mature women who feel that they lack something because they don't look 20 anymore (neither do their husbands).
The general discussion area has lots of information about this, so I encourage you to keep reading and learning so you know what you are fighting against. I am happy you are able to tell your h that you need held by him. He can't fix this, but he can sure help you recovery while he is working on his own recovery, simply by listening and holding you and being able to stand the fact that you are hurting because of something he brought into this marriage. Let him know you need him and try to acknowledge his efforts as far as understanding and breaking this habit. Good luck on your journey. I do know how this hurts, and I am sorry you find yourself needing to be here, but I am so glad that you have found this place. I was suicidal when I first came, and have re-gained my footing and myself.