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[Persistence]

Hello all,

I am new to this forum and new to P sobriety (2 days), but not new to recovery. I have been active and posting on another PA forum for about a year now. I'm hoping this forum will offer me a fresh restart of my program. I have been in f2f 12 Step meetings for alcohol and have managed to stay away from booze for 4 1/2 years now. I have had a few drug (pot) relapses in that time, but those are about 4 months behind me now. I have found P to be the most difficult addiction to break. After being an active alcoholic for 18 years and now being freed from that obsession, I can see that freedom is possible.

Overall, my life is good. I am retired, married, and have one child. Intimacy with my wife could be better and hopefully will improve with recovery. My wife is aware of my P use, but has no objections to it. She uses P also, but we both do it privately. I have never spent money on P, so it doesn't affect me financially. I use P to self medicate from stress and depression. It's not working anymore. I have a large financial problem looming on the horizon which is the source of much of my stress.

In the past year, my longest periods without P were 18, 32, and 27 days. Before the past year I probably never made it more than a week or so for the past 25 years. I'm 41 yo.

I am currently exploring Buddhism as a source of spiritual guidance. I am trying to get away from the desire and cravings for P that rule my life. I hope that without P I can be more productive and live a happier life free from depression and sexual obsession. I don't want my son to be introduced to P through me like I was by my father. Break the chain.

I am powerless over P addiction and my life has become unmanageable.

My name is the basis for the best weapon I have against this addiction, Persistence.

[JenMac]

Welcome Persistence!
I am glad you have found us. I hope TTF will give you that new start and new resolve that you are looking for.
If you are not new to recovery I will not tell you all the usual things we share in a first post, ie. filters, etc.
I will just encourage you to start a journal in the recovery section, and plan to visit here often.
You will find many amazing people here, both PA and SO alike. TTF is full of wise and caring people who will reach out to support you through this tough time in your life. I hope you will read up around the site and take advantage of all that is offered here. There is a men's chat most Monday nights, 9 PM EST.
Wishing you well Persistence! May you have strength in your journey!
Jenn