It is time.

[itistime]

Hey all,

I'm glad this space exists for me to get this stuff off my chest; I haven't been disclosing this to anyone I know.

I never really realized that I had a problem until I stumbled on the "your brain on porn" website (a great resource) and realized that my ED was obviously connected to porn use. This was after getting out of my second long term relationship that has been affected by heavy porn use. I started coming to grips with the fact that I had an addiction (although I always suspected, I just didn't realize the kind of damage I was doing to my brain and life) this past summer. I even quit porn for a whole month in September but I got frustrated and slipped back into my old habits.

But I am very serious about quitting. This time it's for real. I haven't masturbated to porn in 2012 and intend not to ever again but I can't say it isn't difficult. There are so many triggers and I have looked at some very softcore titillation without doing anything but I realize this isn't going to help.

It's nice to know I'm not alone.

[TYC113]

Welcome, itistime. I'm TyC and I am so glad that you are here. Welcome to TTF! This is definitely the right place for help, and we hope that we can assist in any way.

Now the first thing that you mentioned is your ED. A lot of P addicts struggle with ED and have a hard time in relationships because of too much exposure to P. I haven't been off P for any more than a week at a time, so I don't know how long it will take for your ED to wear off. But it will wear off. It will just come with time, I'm sure. Don't let it get you down that you have ED. It's a symptom of too much P.

As for staying off P, it is very difficult. It's an addiction for we addicts, so it's already hard to say no to it. It's hard to say no to our lusts. It's that way for all of man. But for an addict, it will seem irresistible. That is why I recommend a filter of some sort. One with an accountability feature so that you can have a partner help you fight your lust. There are some really great filters that will do just that and will stop all sites and searches for anything P related. It will be a blessing to have a filter, I swear. But stopping the filter will not stop what's in your heart. In order for recovery to really work, you have to start seeing what made you want to look at P in the first place. You will have to do a bit of soul-searching (if you're not religious, sorry for that just saying). But putting blocks will only go so far. It's up to you to get the help you need. And we are here for every single step. The people on this site are extremely supportive, so don't be afraid to come here if it gets hard.

So, my advice is don't worry about the ED, get a filter for your computer, and start recovery. ItisTime, we are hoping for you to be off P for good. I am trying to still do so for any time over a week. It's going to be hard, but we believe it can be done. Glad you're here and once again welcome.

TyC

[itistime]

Hey TyC,

thanks so much for your response and support. I know we can do this! I agree that an internet filter is a good idea (this time I will make sure to put one on both browsers). Staying off porn for more than a week is very difficult. I managed a month in September but I think it was actually easier because once my brain started to reboot I just didn't have the urge for a quite a while. I felt numb. I'm beginning to feel that way again now. I'm not sure why that is but I think it may be the beginning of recovery. It was once my libido started to recover after about a month that it started to be very difficult to me to resist. I fell into a pattern where I would use once a week on the weekends but it was a slippery slope and I ended up using every day again.

I appreciate what you are saying about the soul searching but I'm not personally religious and I don't have a big problem with the morality of porn (I do feel guilty about hurting my former partners though). Instead, I've found that understanding the neurological responses to porn has been incredibly helpful because it showed me that it wasn't my fault, that the reward center in my brain was simply responding to incredibly powerful stimuli. Also, it is very encouraging that the plasticity of the brain means that recovery is possible and that my ED should disappear over time. We just need to withhold the stimuli...

I'm sure that this has been posted many times before but here is the link to the excellent "your brain on porn" video series that I think should be mandatory viewing for all recovering addicts. I think that maybe we should even show this to kids in sex ed. because porn is like a drug and maybe I wouldn't have used it if I had know the damage it would inflict on my brain and libido.

Your Brain On Porn Series: Porn Addiction | Your Brain On Porn

All the best in your recovery TyC! I'm glad the community is here for our support.

[TYC113]

Yeah, the TTF community is great for support. It's amazing and a blessing for me.

For the libido part, once it does return to you, that's a huge part of why the filter is important. Your libido will make it harder for you to stay off, so the filter will act as a deterrent. That's crucial. Really crucial, Itistime. So I would say start with the filter as soon as possible. And if I could give one bit of advice, I would filter out stuff that is not technically called P but is sex driven, like certain TV shows. I found that even though I may not look at a P site, there would still be sex on TV that would trigger me too. It may suck if your favorite show has a lot of sex in it, but that can be a breeding ground for triggers too. At least it was for me. That's just my little bit and my opinion on that.

And as for the religious part, I'm sorry about that, but what I was saying is that recovery won't work until you look to the source of why you look at P. Do you look when you're bored & idle? Or stressed out? Or do you do it because it's a thrilling secret? I happen to do all 3. I watch when no one's looking, when I'm stressed out of my mind, and when I have nothing to do and am bored. That's what I'm getting at. I'm not trying to say anybody's bad or evil. That's not it at all. I'm just saying that in order to officially recover from P, and if you want this P addiction to no longer control your life, you will have to look at yourself to see why you watch P in the first place. That way you can see what your motivation is for your habit. I think those questions have to be answered.

Also, another part of the soul searching is to reach out to others, like us here on TTF. Keeping your P habit a secret will only enhance its control over you. Our addictions like to stay in the dark so that they control everything. But once you tell somebody "Hey, I'm struggling. I have an addiction to P", then people can help you and it makes the problem less strong. Please don't go through this without having help from somebody. This addiction is super-tough to defeat. It would be easier to have a helping hand, at least that's what I think. And that is where we at TTF can come in. That's what I meant by soul-searching. I didn't mean get religious or say that God hates you in some way. That is the furthest from the truth. That would be a huge lie. All the things I mentioned above are what I am meaning by soul-searching.

By the way, I'm hoping for nothing but the best for you too, ItisTime. Let's fight our addictions.

TyC