Lets Do This

[letsdothis]

Hi, my name is letsdothis and I am a PA. I'm 26 years old.

It took my a long time to admit this to myself. I guess it was only about 3 months ago that I realised that porn is having a devastating effect on my life.

I was on my honeymoon with my wife, and was not able to get an erection long enough to have sex with her. It was the perhaps the most soul destroying moment of my life. My wife says it didnt bother her as we still had a great honeymoon, however this bothered me very deeply. I later learned that this was most likely porn-induced ED.

I am happy to say I have now gotten over that horrible memory, knowing what has caused it gives me hope for recovery. Since moving abroad for work, we have been living apart (she is due to join me in about a month or so), we are very much in love. She knows that my condition is due to excessive porn use and masturbation however she does not know that it is an addiction as such and she wants to support me any way she can.

The year before I got married I had been fairly clean for awhle even though I have been looking at porn on and off since I was 15 and never been in a physical relationship for religious reasons until I got married recently. So porn became my outlet, and it was my way of dealing with depression, feeling lonely, feeling like an outsider. However since my life has improved I have still not gotten over this bad habit. Last year I used porn far too much, and I feel that led to my current situation.

I have tried to quit three times in the last two months, acting out after 12 days the first two times, and then when my wife visited me for holiday we messed around not actually having sex (I guess this counts) and this led me to go back to looking at porn behind her back whilst she was actually here on holiday (I guess this is undeniable proof of addiction!). M over skype with my wife led to my downfall the first two times (and led me to go back to P). Now she is aware of this, I know that skype will not be a trigger anymore. As well as this I have decided I will take many other measures to get clean, and coming here is one of those measures.

I've realised that simply "counting the days" and promising yourself is not enough. In those dark moments when temptation or weakness slips it just takes a few mouse clicks and thats it. I will never give up, no matter how many times I fall down.

I look forward to getting to know and learn from everyone here.

letsdothis

[WayFarerNation]

The year before I got married I had been fairly clean for awhle even though I have been looking at porn on and off since I was 15 and never been in a physical relationship for religious reasons until I got married recently. So porn became my outlet, and it was my way of dealing with depression, feeling lonely, feeling like an outsider. However since my life has improved I have still not gotten over this bad habit. Last year I used porn far too much, and I feel that led to my current situation.

If you're serious about ridding yourself of P use, you can do it. Some people think they can just stop using P and all of their problems will go away. In a sense, this is true, but truly ridding myself of P has required many, many changes in my behavior and lifestyle, many of which feel unconventional. Will this be true for you? I'm not sure. I'm just trying to let you know that using P is really just a symptom of our life's choices and behaviors, and in order to really get to the root of the problem we have to look at our lives and figure out just why we use P in the first place.

It takes years and a lot of patience.

[Mac]

Hey there Lets
Welcome to TTF.
You have just taken a really good step in the right direction by coming here.
I am so glad that you can see the negative affects this addiction is having on you.
This addiction will absolutely destroy any intimate relationship if left unchecked. ED issues at the age of 26 is just the tip
of the ice berg.
You absolutely owe it to yourself, your wife and your marriage to get this out of you life.
Do it now, you don't want to wake up one day at 50 years old and still be dealing with it.
I would suggest installing a filter on your computer(s). Your wife is backing you on this. Have her install the password.
The 2 of you may want to share some of the anti P info that is available. This will make you much more aware of the realities of the industry that you are supporting. Simply scary what is really going on behind the scenes. As a recovering PA myself, this had an huge affect on me. I would not suggest that you search out this stuff on your own though.
Your statement " i will never give up no matter how many times I fall down".
Don't give yourself this option, adopt a relapse is not an option approach. I am a firm believer that relapses are not inevitable.

Anyway I hope that being here can help you with your addiction.
Your wife may find this site very beneficial as well, it's a great place to be together.

Mac

[waterlily327]

Hi LetsDoThis, welcome to TTF! I am really glad you found this site, especially because you are young and have your whole life ahead of you to life p***-free! I have several suggestions for you starting out:

--Get rid of ALL p*** you have
--Get an internet filter and have your wife set the password (this is what my fiancé and I do, and it works pretty well! We use K-9—it’s free!)
--Start a Recovery Journal
--Determine your triggers and learn how to avoid them.
--Determine what a full recovery means for you, then come up with a plan to meet your goal
--Come up with a plan of what you can do when you get the urges to view p***, such as come to TTF, go for a run, etc. Finding what works for you is key.

Since your wife is already a part of your recovery, I suggest that she checks out TTF. I am an young SO here, and I have found tremendous support from this community.

You have taken a big step by coming here. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more of your posts!

[Rockinastorm]

LetsDoThis,

The fight against PA is one of the most important things you will ever do. Winning this war is the key to self respect and relationship fulfillment! Deffinately start with the tips Waterlily has stated above. Also carefull consider what WayFarerNation and Mac have said. PA is usually not a stand-alone problem, and generally the result of a complex web of other issues, and sorting through all of that is daunting and tricky. TTF can provide the place to do vent and analyse your addiction; your wife, and members here can help give you support; but YOU must provide the drive if you want to get through it.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hey lets

I would like to welcome you here to TTF. you were already given some very good advice in what to do, and if you do it, you road to recovery will be so much better for you. I am happy to see that you want this crap out of your life. the only thing that P will do for us, is to just destroy everything that we work so hard on building. There is not an relationship that can survive what this addiction does to it.

The thing is, though the road can be tough at times, it can be done. as long as you have the motivation in your heart to quit, then you can. you are so right in saying that when the temptations do come, we are only a few clicks away, and there we are, back into the dark abyss of this addiction. So when the temptations do come, and they will come around, always just remember that we are only a few clicks away from this wonderful site TTF. so click here first my friend, and you wont click to the bad places.

You are already on the road to recovery, just by coming here. I promise you my friend, TTF is a place for us addicts to be at. as soon as you sign in here, you have enter a safe haven, where you will receive so much help with your recovery. Every one here understand what you are going through, and we are all willing to do what we can, to help you on this journey of yours to freedom

Start your journal, and write in it. let us know how you are doing. it is only by you sharing what you are going through that we are able to see how we can help you. I am very happy in having you as a part of our family

I wish you nothing the best for you in your recovery. Good luck to you my friend

Gerald

[Disillusioned]

Hi, Letsdothis, and welcome to TTF. I see many of our friends have already welcomed you here. We are a diverse group, but have all been hurt by one thing, and that is p. Please invite your new bride to come and learn too. Knowledge is power and when there are two of you invested in getting rid of this thing, it can be an easier road. Make sure you both do the reading. Copy pieces of general discussion and send them to each other, as an 'ah-ha' moment, copy pieces of journals that help you make sense of this. As Waterlily says, identify your triggers. Those things in your life that make you want to turn to P. Sometimes they are pictures, or conversations, movies, friends, loneliness. You have already listed several...

"..porn became my outlet, and it was my way of dealing with depression, feeling lonely, feeling like an outsider. However since my life has improved I have still not gotten over this bad habit. "

So, now you must have something firmly in place that you will do instead of P when dealing with depression, loneliness, feeling like an outsider. Exercise, chat on TTF, read...usually something physical helps...so do push ups, jump rope, run...do something to get oxygen into the brain and exercise those stressed muscles.

What P does is numb you to your own pain, but it is an unhealthy way to do so, using the brain's natural chemicals in an unnatural way. We have only one life to live, and you certainly don't want to live it in fantasy land where nothing is real. P tells lies about how women s-xu-lly respond to men. You cannot expect your wife to be always in the mood, always needy, or willing to accept the degrading activities in which p women perform. What p women do is fantasy, and your loving spouse is not fantasy. She is a flesh and blood, living woman who is invested in you and the two of you as a couple. P use can result in ED and in PE which can be a real problem in a marriage. Include your wife as an invested partner and work on this together. If you need to, talk to a marriage counselor. Loving touching and shared intimacy are the components of a good s-xu-l relationship. Concern for the well-being and feelings of the partner....all of these are ingredients in a strong marriage. P is not a good way to learn about how to be in a loving s-x-al relationship. Be patient with each other and always consider the feelings of one another. I am happy to see you have told your wife about this.
Good luck as you learn about loving your wife and having the best relationship of your life...one free of p.