last resort

[ED harris]

never thought i will have to do this but since cant stop relapsing i have to... well, after cutting the crap out of it, this is my story...

i'm quite young, not much over 18 but when having intercourse i have problems with ED (notice my nick :D) well when i discovered that (6 months ago) i was so stunned that i couldnt eat for a whole weak which is very unusual for me... girl left me alone after some attempts because i was practically dead down there... right then i didnt know my problem like i do now so i tried relaxing and crap... after no help i discovered a website (which i will not advertise because i dont know if its allowed) which is talking about brain on porn

i'm struggling now for 6 months since discovered problem and still very little have i done... ok... i deleted all porn and ladies from my pc and threw all those magazines in recycler but still eventually i find something on the internet what makes me relapse back in porn... during the period i tried almost every web filter, both paid and free, and here comes the problem... i'm very good in computers and since my lower head* my brain i overpassed all of the filters quite easily although i made a good password which is now storred under the lock (with keys of it inside :D) ... not all filters are bad... but all of the paid ones really are like netnanny, cybersitter,safe eyes, puresight owl, blocksmart, tueagles and so on... only K9 is able to give me some trouble but i know how to bypass it which pretty much sucks but i cant help it ... another problem is that it causes BSOD on my pc recently which sucks also

right now i'm 3 days PMO free and i hope i will get this over with by 01.04.2012 of course with help of the community here... now i have installed K9 with 100 ''sexy'' keywords preventing me to see anything that could trigger bad behavior... key is under lock (which i need hammer to break it), router has also content filter just for double safety and my android phone has one (both can be bypassed under one minute but i hope i wont do it) ...

at the end i want to say that i do need advice and encouragement in doing this as well as i will try to help you with some of my experience... i'm not very glad that i have to do this so publicly but there is no other way now... and yeah, never passed the two week milestone :(

cheers

[WayFarerNation]

Hi ED Harris. I used K-9 too, and I used the P websites that I frequented as keywords to be blocked. Every time I saw an image or found a different website that broke me, I put it on the list. I started really trying at 25, and I can't imagine doing it when I was 18.

It takes a lot of patience. If you find yourself feeling ashamed or guilty after you use P, that means you're on the right track because you've made changing the behavior important enough to make it painful when you use P. Try to use these feelings to help you, along with K-9, to change the behavior over time. Don't get down on yourself if you can't get beyond the P right away. I remember the beginning being the hardest, and it lasted months and months. Try to keep it in mind that P use is like a really heavy drug and it's very hard to quit cold turkey. Good luck.

[TYC113]

Hey, ED Harris. I am so glad that you are here on TTF. This is so cool. I see you're 18 years old, and I am not that much older than you. I am only 21, in age at least. I really am not anywhere near maturity. But it is great that you are here as a young guy. It's hard to fight this on our own, so please come to TTF and talk to us people here. I would love to help in all ways possible.

In terms of ED, I have no idea what to say on that. It may be anxiety or buildup. It could be performance anxiety that you are dealing with. It could be that you're actually are thinking of P when actually trying to have sex. For me, that is a problem. When I get around girls, I instantly think of all those P thoughts and start to lose all control. I would say that causes distress. That is my problem. That may be yours. I have no idea. Now, in terms of parental control, I have no parental control on my computer. I am trying to get K9 as of right now, but there are browser applications that block all P sites if you configure them. I am pretty good with computers, and I have gone to blocking all those sites. Those apps for browsers really work.

[THDenver]

Hey ED, I'm older at 34, but have been struggling with my addiction since I was 7 years old. I'm proof that if you don't take care of it when your younger it'll just get worse and even more out of hand. Block and filters are great, but not so much for he computter saavy. As I am beginning my journey to I feel that my strongest tool is my will to change. Burning down the bridge, so to speak, doesn't always work, which is why you have to get yourself to the point where you don't even notice the bridge is there and just walk right by it. I found alot of great advice in the new member tips thread which I encourage you to look at. Also, just reading some of the other stories and journals has been helpful to me as a new member as its shown me two important things; first of all, I'm not alone in this and neither are you; second, there is hope and more importantly there is success and lots of it.As we both begin our journies roughly around the same time I want to wish you the best of luck, but more importantly stay strong for yourself and your future. It can be done!

[dave42]

Hi ED Harris:

I think that the ED problem could work itself out naturally with time -- I used to have a similar problem but with a patient partner, we ended up having a healthy sex life. I think that you could visit a doctor, if you think that's a good idea. Also, I love my NetNanny filter, but I'm not nearly as good at computers as you are, so I am pretty secure. HOWEVER!!! A filter is useful but it is not enough. You need many more tools to help you cope with this addiction. Advice, come here every day for a week and read one or two postings and post a message -- even when you are not in the mood. You can do this, and there are lots of people here who are cheering you on. It will be tough, but you can do it. However, I don't think you can do it alone -- at least I know that I could not do it alone. You need help -- so posting your message was a wise move.