Trying to break the Ice

[TheSadMan]

Hey everyone,

I'm a very shy and quiet person and normally I would never talk to anyone about of this awful sick addiction of mine. I have been reading the posts of a couple other members in this forum for some time now (and cheering for them), but never really had the courage to make any comments myself.

I started watching P and Mb ing since when I was about 11 years old. At that time I did not have the knowledge of how detrimental this 'act' was and never really thought it was much of a problem until about 4, 5 years later. From that time till now, I have been hooked onto this two-three cycle of P and Mb.

Its funny I have recognized I always act out at times when I am bored, lonely, angry, stressed and tired (otherwise known as the BLAST acronym), but I just never have taken the steps to cope with these feelings. And whenever I try to do something new-for example keeping a good healthy diet- something just gets in the way and I lose my motivation to keep using that tool.

A little of my hopes and dreams. Right now, I am in college and am a pre-med student (its a pretty stressful life with school, work, volunteering). I hope one day I can become a psychiatrist to understand more about the brain science of addiction and help out others like myself in the future to find the freedom from addiction and other mental disorders.

At present, I keep failing every time I try to make a change (i had a relapse), but I'm determined not to give up; at first I must change myself if I want to fulfill my dream and really wish I day I can do so. I hope everyone else here on the forum all the best in their journey to end this dreaded habit and become free. Any advice or comments would be very appreciated. Thank you!!

[JenMac]

Hi Sadman!
Welcome to TTF! You have come to the right place. TTF is a wonderful resource for you to use to learn and gain support in order for you to move on to a P free life.
Sadman, it sounds like you have a lot going for you in life, in that you are putting yourself on a path to becoming a respected member of the community. Good for you to have those aspirations! I have seen many times where those who have had troubles in their lives end up being the ones who give back to others. It would be wonderful if that is the case with you as well.
If you have been reading along here Sadman, you know that there are certain things you should do that will help you in your quest. Getting rid of all P, installing a filter, finding a support group, finding other things to fill your time with, gaining knowledge about what you have been supporting etc.
I also encourage you to start a journal in the recovering journal section so that you can get your innermost thoughts and feelings out as well as receive support and guidance from others. There is also a men's chat on Monday nights at 9 pm EST, if you would like to check that out.
Wishing you all the best in recovery Sadman! I am glad you found your way here!
Jenn

[waterlily327]

Hi SadMan, welcome to TTF! You have come to a wonderful place to rid yourself of this addiction. The TTF community has provided support for so many recovering addicts and their SO’s. It is so great that you have been reading here, and even better that you decided to post! Jenn gave you some great tips for getting started. Keep reading through the recovery journal, and I hope you will come read some of the material on the SO Forum. It is really good to see both sides of this addiction.

Choosing to rid yourself from this addiction now will make your life so much better! For my fiancé, who is still in college, p*** used to be a coping mechanism. Turns out, getting it out of his life has reduced his stress level more than any “quick fix” ever could. In your profession, you don’t need any extra stress! I look forward to reading more of your posts! Good luck, SadMan, I am really glad you found TTF!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hey SadMan

I would like to welcome you here to TTF. You was looking for a place to come to, for help with this addiction, and you found it. TTF is the best source, for help with this crap

It is already so encouraging to see to you have been reading here for a bit, and now decided to post here, and introduce yourself to us. You said that you are usually a shy and quite person, and you would ever talk to anyone about this addiction of yours.
You will see that there is no need to be shy and quite here. and as for talking about this addiction, TALK AWAY my friend. you are not the only one going through this in life. so we encourage you to be talkative here, express yourself in how you are doing, so all of us can help you.

No one here will ever make you feel bad, or belittle you in any way. As soon as you came through the TTF doors, you entered a place that has people, very loving people, who want to help you. many of us, already know what you are going through, so we already may know how to get you off to a good start in your recovery. I see you are still young, and that is good. we have many young members here who are going through the same thing. I am sure you will get a lot from what they share with you. But us older ones here, will be right by your side also.

As soon as you start recovery, and you have a little bit of freedom from this crap, you will start feeling so much better in life, and about your self. It is a hard toad that you are on, but with the right recovery behind you, this road can be more easy to travel on.

Jen touched on this already, but well worth repeating

Get rid of ALL file on your computer. DO NOT keep it, because it is your favorite one. If you keep it, you will turn to it, when struggling.

A internet filter, set up right, will keep you away from the sites, to you used to go too. Try K9 it is free. if it does not work for you, then at a low cost, you can get a better one.

Try to understand what it is that triggers you, and try to eliminate them out of your life. Yes this can be hard, because with this addiction, no matter where we go in life, this crap follows us around. Hard yes, BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

Find a recovery plan that will work for you. only you will be able to find the best tools that will work for you, but we will always be willing to give you any suggestion in helping you find them.

If you don't already, learn to HATE this addiction, and what it stands for. It never has, nor will it never will do anything for you that is good. this addiction loves to make us think we are friends with it, but in the end, it is happy when it just destroys all the we love, or work hard for in life.

So please, let us know how you are doing, so we can help you. no matter if it is good or bad, write here, let us know of your struggles.

Start your own journal here, and keep writing in it, and you see all the love and support coming your way from so many here. We want nothing but the very best for you in your recovery. It can be done. we can help making a SadMan, into a very HappyMan


Good luck to you

Gerald