hi everybody

[secondentendre]

Hi guys. I just joined the site and would like to introduce myself. I decided to join the site as a way to keep myself distracted online (although as of right now it isn't helping bc I have another window open with bad stuff on it). I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of months and she suggested going to SAA meetings and also joining online support groups.

So the reason I've been seeking help is that I'm addicted to sex, which tends to be received mostly through paid exchanges. This has been going on almost weekly for probably three years.  Aside from that, I've had a long time preoccupation with P. I spend a lot of time finding it and downloading it to my computer, although up until a month or two ago, I would only MB maybe two or three times a week. Until a month or two ago, I hadn't really been single at all for the past 10 years (I had a 5.5 year and a 4.5 year relationship).Now that I'm single, I realized that I was going to spas and stripclubs more than I wanted to, but I felt I couldn't help myself. Since I had decided that paying for sex was my bigger problem, I'm currently basically using P and MB to try to satiate myself enough so that I won't go out looking for sex.

So that's where I'm at right now.  Playing with the lesser devil in order to quell the bigger evil. I think the biggest accomplishment I've had so far was to finally stop watching and downloading porn at work. That was definitely a problem that sooner or later might have gotten me fired--who knows, it could definitely still come up someday seeing as all my internet activity is probably saved in a file somewhere.

So nice to meet everyone!

[ocja0201]

Hello Second,

Welcome to TTF, I know you will find a lot of wisdom and support on this forum. I would encourage you to start a recovery journal to help track your own progress. One thing I would like to say right off the bat is that using P to compensate for paid sex isn't doing you any favors. You are fighting fire with fire and that is only going to succeed in creating a bigger blaze. P is fanning the fires of your lust, so long as you continue down that path you will not succeed in ridding yourself of either. Compromising with evil will never bring you lasting success.

First you have to learn to recognize your triggers, and then plan your life and environment around avoiding those triggers. As deeply steeped in the mud hole as you are it would be advisable to break your sense of progress down to overcoming one temptation at a time. Every minute you don't succumb to your desire for sex is a victory.

God Bless,

~J

[secondentendre]

although I agree with you ocja, I'm just really not quite able right now to tackle both of these issues. right now P is a problem but it is more manageable to me than paying for sex since it requires no money on my part and it doesn't consume all of my time, although it does take more time away than it should. right now i'm worried about the social and financial consequences of paying for it.
right now i am one week sober.

[JenMac]

Hi Secondentendre!
Welcome to TTF! Ours is a site that focusses on pornography addiction first and foremost. Those of us that are here, are here to recover or heal from the intrusion of P in our lives. The PAs that are here, are here to rid themselves of this addiction in their lives.
I am sorry that you are struggling with this addiction in your life. I am sorry that you do not feel ready to face it full on at this time. As Ocja told you, by continuing the use of P as the lesser or more affordable option for you, you are doing nothing but furthering the affects of how this addiction is going to continue to drive your lustful feelings. Lust feeds lust! No doubt about it. You are trying to step away from what you consider to be the bigger issue, but allowing yourself to just go so far as is comfortable to you in this moment. Is this going to do anything for you in the long term? That is what you need to consider.
SecondE, I hope you will find that being here will strengthen your resolve to take it one step further. The changes you are attempting may be a good first step for you. And I do credit you for that but I fear without committing fully to a recovery that is free from P as well, it is only a matter of time before you find yourself in the same sad place as you were until now.
All the best to you SE!
Jenn