New and need help

[Odin]

Hi
I'm 25 and the father of 2 boys. I hate myself right now and really want to change back into who I used to be. I can't keep doing this to my fiance. It all started when I was less then 10 my dad gave me a stack of mags and no other explination or talk just threw them down on the table in front of me. Through talking to my fiance (I'll call her Raven) we've found out that alot of my childhood is repressed and I know my fam has done stuff to me but I can't remember what. Everytime something doesn't seem to go my way or I get scared or upset I watch P and it's taring us apart and I want it to stop. So I'm gonna change I wont do this anymore.

[JenMac]

Welcome Odin!
I am glad you have found your way here to TTF!
I am sorry that this addiction is tearing your relationship apart, but unfortunately that is exactly what it does.
I am hoping you can use this site to enable you to put yourself on the path to recovery.
There are many wise and caring people here at TTF who will offer support and guidance to you as you strive to overcome this trial in your life.
I hope you will listen and learn and take the opportunity that is offered here to move you forward in your recovery.
Wishing you strength in the journey Odin!
All the best!
Jenn

[Isaac]

Hey Odin! You've come to the right place. Welcome from a fellow newbie here. Instead of acting on your wish to escape all the feelings that are coming up for you right now, you're writing about it here. Way to go! Recovery and s***** sobriety are not easy by any means, but with the support and encouragement available for you here, you won't have to be alone in recovering from this powerful illness. I'm glad you're here.

Isaac

[HopefulsRock]

Hello Odin... Congratulations on making the decision to reach out for help on this addiction... you have joined a community full of help, support, knowledge and the occasional kick in the butt when it's needed... welcome! Starting your own journal in the recovery journal section is always a good place to begin your journey of recovery here at TTF. I commend you for realizing this problem at such a young age my friend. Let the love you share between you and your fiance be your driving force in this process and those two little guys will grow up with great pride in their Dad... I just know it!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello odin, and welcome to your new found family here at TTF

You are on your way to a life, a real and wonderful life, that has no place for this addiction to be in it. Now that you realize you do have a problem with this crap, you realize that you need to become free of it.

All I can say is that you found the right place to get this help. there are so many here in this battle, against this beast that has been controlling us for most of our lives. We all strive for one thing, and that is TOTAL, freedom, from our addiction

If all of us here, fight this beast together, we will be able to knock him to the ground, and destroy him from getting into our hearts again. Yes it is a long hard road at times that we are on, to get this freedom, but being on this road, is well worth it

I wish you the best, in your recovery. Always remember, you are never alone in this, as long as you are here.

I will check in and see how you are doing

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[mell]

Hello Odin and welcome to TTF!

Glad you are here. You will find support and encouragemant here, we PAs are all fighting the same battle.

Seems to me that your symptoms are pretty common with addiction - the P and MB are methods of medicating when you do not know how to express your needs or your emotions. Through recovery, you will learn how to deal with these times in a healthy way. It is a tough battle, but it is very rewarding when you can see your personal growth.

Welcome! - hope to see you here regularly.

[waterlily327]

Hi Odin! Welcome to TTF! As everyone else has said, TTF is a wonderful community that will offer you a lot of support. You have made a huge step forward in your recovery by coming here. Read through PA Recovery and SO journals to get a better understanding of how our site works and the experiences of others here, start your own journal so we can see how you are doing, get rid of any p*** you have on your computer/in your home, and install an internet filter to remove the temptation of seeking more p***. Your fiancée will have a period of recovery from this as well…suggest that she come to TTF and read through the material here as well. Many SO’s have found support here! Good luck with your recovery Odin! You have made a great step forward by seeking help & support here.

[raining on the inside]

Welcome Odin! I am also new to this site, just joined about a month ago. The support that you will receive here is wonderful. Read all that you can and if you're feeling up to it, start a journal for yourself and write from your heart. This is a place of understanding. You will get lots of caring responses with great practical advice. I would really encourage you to have your fiance join TTF. As an SO, reading other SO journals was so helpful for me. To know that there are others out there feeling what am feeling really allows you to feel less alone in this. I know she could benefit from this just as I have.

Good luck!

[wantingfreedom]

Odin,
Glad you are here.
I have been sober from this addiction since 27 June of this year. It is a good feeling to be clean.
I want you to learn a lesson from me, if you don't mind. If and when you are offered forgivness for your actions, please accept it because it is a gift that you can then pass on. But pass it on to yourself if you need to first so that you can begin to heal and move forward in recovery. I struggled for nearly 6 months with this issue. Now I'm a lot older than you and have a much longer history but never the less, do what ever you must to stay free of this addiction because it can pull you down.
Be strong, know your triggers, work a program and come to TTF. We will be here for you.

wf

[BigEyes]

Hi Odin,

Your journey in sobriety will be long and difficult. If addictions were easy to quit there wouldn't be such a thing as an addiction.

Assuming you do all that you need to do to recover you have a lot of learning and experiences ahead of you.

I went to SAA: S*x Addicts Anonymous, AA even though I am not an alcoholic, counseling, and reading everything I could get my hands on. You will learn a lot from each group and person who comes into your life. It will be an interesting, frustrating, fun, scary journey. Just go with it and put one foot in front of the other.

Keep going even if you lose a battle. Keep going even if you feel you can't go on. Keep going when you want to quit. You may lose a few battles along the way but you only lose the war is if you quit trying.

Good luck and God bless.