A Young Man's Modern Addiction

[JOla80]

I am a 23 year old PA. I have been addicted since the age of 10 to P and M. It is embedded into my brain because I caught it while my brain was still forming back in fifth grade. I never even looked at a magazine or any old school softer stuff, it was free internet P of all colors, shades and depravity from the age of 10.

Today is my first full day after a relapse on Wednesday. The longest I've been without P and M has been two weeks. The worst it ever got was twice a day or more; 2 weeks for me is a miracle already

I am hoping that with this website I will finally heal by tracking my progress, getting some support, supporting others and venting in an environment of like minded people. Frankly, those who grew up without access to internet P or who never got into that just don't get it. For them P and M is a nude centerfold here and there and some fantasy every once in a while. Internet P is like being given a morphine control in a hospital. You can up the depravity, the fetishes, and therefore the dosage, whenever and however. Here if I vent or have a theory I'll at least be taken seriously.

Out there you still have people saying M is a-ok. Well, it might have been in 1900 when P was barely existent and someone did a little M thinking about their girlfriend. Today, I wish I could have a brain that can take a little M here or there, but it's just too late for that.

Anyhow, I'm a college graduate, I'm going to start work soon, and I need to remove P and M from my life if I want to maintain a relationship in the future and have a family.

Thank you for this website, it looks really good,
JOla80

[JenMac]

Welcome JO!
I am glad you have found us! And yes, you will find likeminded people here who will be able to support and guide you on your path to recovery!
You sound committed to working your way to a better life and you have taken the first necessary steps.
Awareness, Acceptance, Action. The first steps to solving any problem in your life JO, and I believe you have just done all 3! Congratulations!
I encourage you to start a journal in the recovering journal section where you can get your thoughts and feelings out. This will help you immensely as well as allowing others to offer you encouragement and wisdom. There is a lot of that here!
All the best JO as you begin this journey! Visit often!
Jenn

[Daniel]

JOla80,

Welcome to TTF and weclome to the beginning of the journey to freedom from P and MB.

Many "likeminded" PAs, as you've already pointed out, are here or have been here in order to gain strength, ideas, encouragement, motivation, and insight in this complex struggle to get and stay clean from P & MB.

As JenMac already pointed out, the best thing to do is to start a journal and begin explaining your story, or getting your thoughts down, developing a plan of attack, figuring out what triggers the behaviors and how to defeat the triggers, what you're going to do differently this time vs. what you may have done in the past.

Also plan on a major assault against your newfound resolve to quit. Whether you believe in a higher power, God, etc., there is definitely a dark power that will seek to slam you back into the self-created jail of P and MB once you decide you want out.

Read around the various journals and learn as much as possible. Then apply as much as possible to your own situation.

To experience significant success or (God willing) permanent success, you have to consider this recovery process as seriously as you would consider a full-time job. If you use half-measures or do not take the effort seriously, as in, every waking moment, then you should not expect too much progress. A word to the wise is sufficient.

I hear you on the "internet" thing vs. "old school" mags etc. But you may be surprised (or may not) to know that this issue has affected multiple generations of males. We have more than a few folks here who are many years older than you (and me), who have battled the issue for years and years and may now be experiencing success.

Here are a few of the non-active members but older ones I am very familiar with (just to give you an idea):

Farmer
Dave
Walkman

Let the healing begin,

Daniel

[lost_one]

i and many others in here can totally understand every word you said in here.. it makes me sad and also happy at the same time when i see someone new come here.. well.. you are in the right place at the right time..

i'm 24.. and am dealing with this for almost year now.. for you i would say.. time to get damn serious bro..

do start a journal.. it will help you a lot.. wish you all the best..

[Disillusioned]

Hi JOla80,
Welcome to TTF. One of the things you must identify is when you are most likely to act out and use p and M. Then, you must find something to do that takes the place of this. Often, many successful PAs find physical activity helpful. Exercise stimulates the release of "feel good" brain endorphins and lessens the pull of the need to act out. You must put a plan into place so that you know what you will do when you are triggered to use. Some PAs feel that times of boredom, lonliness, and stress are frequent times that they have used in the past. So, try to identify those times and come up with some other thing that will keep you occupied, busy and doing something that doesn't involve P and mb.
This is not an easy thing to do in an addiction that started so terribly young and has held onto you all these years. I am an older person, and I feel very guilty that there are young people on here, younger than my kids. who have become addicted to this even before they have had a loving relationship with a living female. This is so sad, as P tells all lies about human s-xu-l-ty and how men and women relate. It also distorts how most humans look and feel. P is a modern plague that infects and drains all who come within reach. It destroys relationships and ruins dreams.
My hope for you is to free yourself of the grasp of this ugly infection, and then to tell your story to others so you can help them learn. There are many young men on here who have over come long term addictions just like yours. Good luck on your journey, JO. It will not be easy, but if you stick with it the rewards to be present in your own life and taking the higher road that will lead to who you are destined to be, will be much easier to find.
disillusioned