Hey everybody

[bluejay443]

Hello everyone, my name is Ryan, I'm a 20 year old college student. I've been looking at porn for as long as I can remember. I know I turned to online videos, and harder porn, when I was 13, but before that it was always stories and pictures. Technically, I've been focusing on recovery for about a week, but then again I've looked at porn 6 out of those 7 days, so, obviously, things aren't going very well right now. I'm at a place where I want to quit, sometimes I want to quit badly, but I don't know if I have the motivation or the means to do it right now. I've tried quitting numerous times before, and have only came across minimal success, and I really don't know where to turn to right now (which consequently has me turning everywhere). I would like to believe that this attempt would be different, but there's not much indicating that. Most of the time, I feel hopeless about it, even when I am succeeding.

But anyway, this all feels pessimistic, and I hate being pessimistic. So here's the good news. I finally got my account approved for this forum and I am excited to meet all of you. Hopefully I can gain both knowledge, support, and accountability on this board. It'll be good to have a community with me. So I thank you in advance for that.

[JenMac]

Welcome to TTF Bluejay! We are glad you have found us!
There is much support here Bluejay. You have come to the right place!
I am an SO here, along with my H mac, and we have been here for about 18 months. This place has been a true blessing in our lives! I hope you will find it the same way for you!
Bluejay, I invite you to start a journal in the recovery journal thread. This is where you can get your thoughts and feelings out and hopefully get support and guidance from those who know exactly what you are experiencing. I also encourage you to consider filters for your computers as many here found that to be so helpful while going through this.
There is so much to learn Bluejay! So read, read and read some more!
Wishing you all the best as you start on this journey of recovery!
Keep coming back!
Jenn

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello Ryan

Welcome to TTF.
I am so happy that you found this site. By doing so, this is the first step on your way to freedom, freedom from this addiction that we suffer from here. What I like is seeing you here, at a very young age. By getting this big of a jump in recovery from this addiction, you will be saving yourself a lot of pain and heartache, that this addiction does to us, as we get older. It will allow you, to become free from this, before it is time, for you to settle down with you one true love. If we are involved in a relationship, whether we are married or not, there is just no way, for any relationship to work, if we allow P to be a part of it.

I want you to understand, that this road you are on now, will not always be a smooth road for you. There will be times, that roads become rocky, and hard to travel on, but the does not it anyway, that it can’t be done. With the right Heart condition, and a strong motivation in your Heart, you will be able to do this.

Jenmac, has already touched on the ideal of an internet filter, and she is so right. Right now, in this first stage of recovery, I can not express enough, just how important one will be right now for you. You must find any ways that you can, to not allow yourself to have any access to any P material on your computer. The same is with the phone. If you have internet access on your phone, you should maybe Google what filters will work on your phone.

Just one more thing I want to touch on. It is so vital that you have nothing, on your computer, which you can use as something to act out with. So if you have any files on your computer, PLEASE DELETE THEM NOW. If you do not delete them now, I can assure you, that as soon as you get the urge to look at something, you will turn to theses files to use for your addiction.

I wish you the best in your recovery. All of us here only want to see you do the best that you can, to rid yourself of this crap, and to never have it in your life again

As Jen also stated, please start your own journal, and write in it. Good or bad, we want to see how you are doing. The more you write in it, the more we all will be able to help you on this road to recovery

Good Luck
Gerald

[waterlily327]

Hey Ryan! I am so happy you found TTF! (It is nice to see other young people here…I am 22 and my fiancé is 23, feel free to chat with us if you need to connect with people close to your age.)

I am probably only going to be reiterating what everyone else here has said so far, but they are important jumping off points if you are serious about recovery…you made the step to come here so you are already off to a great start!

Tips
--Get rid of any and all p*** you have, internet files, pictures, videos…everything!
--Get an internet filter (K-9 is free and works pretty well)
--Start a recovery journal here to track your progress
--Decide what a full recovery means to you (for some people that is no p***, for others that means no p*** and m*sturbation)
--Read recovery journals
--Read the significant other’s (SO’s) journals
--Figure out the driving force behind your recovery now (i.e. for my fiancé, at first it was motivated by the fact that he would lose our relationship if he did not recover…he wasn’t really ready to recover until he wanted it for himself and for his life, me in the picture or not)
--Educate yourself, by reading about the negative side of the p*** industry in the articles posted here on TTF (they are safe!!!!)
--Figure out how your life will be better without this addiction hanging over your head…for some people, having that goal will help when the going gets tough
--Determine what your triggers are, and learn how to avoid them

I know it is a lot, but take each for what it is worth! Reading the journals and articles, as well as posting frequently is a great way to connect with the people here! My fiancé (Rockinastorm), who is also here on the site, has a really great journal which I would suggest reading since he is another young guy here. If you are in a relationship, this site offers great support for the SO’s (trust me, I know!). Good luck with your recovery, and I can’t wait to hear more from you!

[TYC113]

Hey, BlueJay 443, glad you are here on TTF. I am only a year older than you at 21 and am a P addict. Trust me, I know all the feelings that you are feeling right now. Don't let them bring you down. A lot of people struggle with this addiction like you and a lot of people want to break free like you. When you mess up or slip up, don't kill yourself over it. I am still trying to figure this out for me, though. But as for the rest, I'd follow everyone else's advice and delete all the p*** off your computer and start setting up filters on it. I'd start doing so now. Plus, I don't know if you want to or not, but this site has a journal log where you can basically talk your thoughts to everyone. It's helpful, at least for me. And it may help you.

[bluejay443]

wow, thanks for the response everyone

First off, it's really encouraging to see that there are people my own age here. I totally thought that I was intruding into the 30 or older club, which wouldn't of been a bad thing, but it's nice to know that there are people who I can better relate too.

Apparently, seeing as all of you mentioned it, a filter is important. I do have a couple of concerns though.

1) If I use a filter is that really fighting the addiction at all, or am I just avoiding confronting it. (erroneous excuse I know, but that's the popular one in my head, so I might as well get it out.)
2) I have actually downloaded k9 once, got a friend to put in a password. I spent the next week trying to get past it. And it the end, I did in fact disable it. I don't know if getting a filter is any good if that's all it's going to amount too.

I have got rid of all the p*** off my computer. And thank you for all the rest of the tips you have given me. I'll probably address most of them in my journal, when I get some time to start one. But thank you, seriously, you're all amazing.

[PER50NA]

alot of people say a filter is a good thing to get I have never used one because for whatever reason they dont work but it is alot harder without one for sure

[findingneverland]

Hi bluejay-

I completely agree with you on your concerns. My partner is a PA and we have installed filters on the computer. As a SO of a p addict, I often sit and wonder what will happen once the filter is gone. Will the desire return? That's something that I'd like to hear about from other people who have gone through this.

Also, my SO has gone through great lengths to find ways around filters. Some of these ways have worked...I guess you just gotta keep on trying and that's all one can ask for. I just joined this forum a couple days ago myself and find it to be extremely helpful. Hopefully you can find some help too :)

[lost_one]

hi blujay..

welcome.. well i am 24.. found this place when i was searching for a solution.. started a journal.. it helped A LOT..!!

i also believe that the filters don't work in 90% of times.. lets say i have a filter on one pc.. what about the other.. the iphone etc etc.. even if i have on all of them.. i would just shut them all off during a strong urge and turn on the tv.. read a magazine and what not.. the point is that i don't want to fool myself.. and would better work on the roots first.. i am saying this because i tried them and they simply didn't work for me.. for some they might though..

wishing you an easy start on this tough road and looking forward to hear the good things from you.. all the best!!

[waterlily327]

Just to weigh in on the filter topic, here is what it seems to do for us: if Rock starts to look, he has “slipped”, the filter often just stops him from seeing anything. Here is the thing: the filter is a tool. It is ONLY a tool! If you only rely on a filter to prevent you from viewing p***, in my opinion, you haven’t really recovered or overcome the addiction. If an alcoholic stays sober in their parents alcohol-free house, but takes a drink every time they are near alcohol, are they successfully recovering?

If, when having a filter, your only goal is to break through it to get to your “fix” then you need to come up with a better plan. No offense, but the filter can only work as a deterrent, and you need to be serious about fighting this addiction. It can help, but it is not going to overcome your addiction for you. I think it is a good idea to have one, and if you find yourself trying to break through the filter, then have a backup plan to come to TTF, go running, or do something to refocus yourself and avoid p***. You are in for an uphill battle, no questions, so use as many tools and tips as you can to make the climb a little easier!