where to begin?

[renee6]

hello-im not rightly sure if this is what im suppose to do or not. it has been a week & 3days since my husband "gave up" P. we know it will be a long & rough road ahead of us. he has started counseling, i go in for my 1st appt. on the 17th, Yes-i have him bring me a note from his doctor, because i just dont trust him. i found this sight through the internet, it seemed to be the most positive-that is why im here. im hoping that my husband will join someday-he is not ready, one day at a time i guess. i have been so angry & disappointed with myself-blaming myself for his addiction, comparing myself to his addiction. i finally took a deep breath & said to myself, its not my fault-he is trying this time, we will see. he knows that this is his last chance, and im ok with losing him if he cannot truly give this up. before, i was scared-thinking im too ugly & too weak. well im not, i am beautiful-im smart & i took care of myself before he ever entered my life. this addiction may have beat him, but it will not beat me. i love him, so i will support him through his counseling, i will encourage him. sorry-im rambling. not very good at this type of thing. thank you for TTF, i look forward to logging in again & reading the articles provided to help us move on in our life.

[Charly22]

Glad to hear you say that this is not your fault. Because it is not. This is important that you know this to be true. And even better is that the both of you are attending counselling. I hope this is a new start for the both of you, and I hope he will feel welcome here as well. This website is a great tool in combatting this addiction.

Looking forward to you letting us know how counselling went.

[JenMac]

Hey Renee!
I am so glad you started posting! That is awesome!
I am also glad that you are recognizing that you are a beautiful person. This is not about you or your worth! Believe it!
Renee, I am so glad you are here! This is a kind and caring place. A safe place to get your feelings and thoughts out to assist you in moving forward. Be sure to come back often! You will find many here who know exactly what you are going through!!
Sending hugs and prayers!
Jenn

[renee6]

heading out to my session, this is 3rd time ive tried to reply to my own thread thingie...im still not very good at this. will let yall know how it goes. very nervous & scared, but oh well, what can i do. i need the help cause i cant do this alone anymore.

[JenMac]

Good luck with your session Renee! I hope it all goes well and that you are able to relax and share.
I know how alone we can feel through all of this and that is why I am so glad you are here!
Wishing well for you renee! Care for you!
Jenn

[metalfossil]

hello-im not rightly sure if this is what im suppose to do or not. it has been a week & 3days since my husband "gave up" P. we know it will be a long & rough road ahead of us. he has started counseling, i go in for my 1st appt. on the 17th, Yes-i have him bring me a note from his doctor, because i just dont trust him. i found this sight through the internet, it seemed to be the most positive-that is why im here. im hoping that my husband will join someday-he is not ready, one day at a time i guess. i have been so angry & disappointed with myself-blaming myself for his addiction, comparing myself to his addiction. i finally took a deep breath & said to myself, its not my fault-he is trying this time, we will see. he knows that this is his last chance, and im ok with losing him if he cannot truly give this up. before, i was scared-thinking im too ugly & too weak. well im not, i am beautiful-im smart & i took care of myself before he ever entered my life. this addiction may have beat him, but it will not beat me. i love him, so i will support him through his counseling, i will encourage him. sorry-im rambling. not very good at this type of thing. thank you for TTF, i look forward to logging in again & reading the articles provided to help us move on in our life.

Hi Renee6,

Great post, but your profound words scare me. I'm also on my last chance from my SO; she has told me this before, but I've a feeling that there will not be a another chance. I want to save my marriage, I want to give up P, I want my wife to love me unconditionally like she used too. I think she is also ready to live without me if she has to...:( This scares the ____ out of me.

[vintageturtle]

Renee6, it sounds like you have a good attitude; you have figured out that this isn't your fault. I hope your counseling goes well and you both get the help you need to recover.

[renee6]

howdy metalfossil-i honestly do not know what to say. i would like to think that your wife DOES love you unconditionally-but she has to LOVE HERSELF FIRST. she is not wanting to have to love you & your addiction. and yes-she probably is ready to live without you, because she has to do what is right for her. i pray that you will beat this addiction. im very new to this, & this site has helped me so much. i am looking forward to when my H will sign on. you have chosen to join this site, because you know that your wife & marriage are very important to you-hopefully more important than P. i pray you have the courage to beat this P & be able to show your wife just how much you truly love her. to prove to yourself that you are worthy of being loved. even with all your faults before this-she loved you, she still loves you. i love my H very much-but i have to do what is good for me, and hopefully he will do the same for himself. best of luck to you metalfossil-you & your wife are in my prayers.

[metalfossil]

In my opinion renee6, you have grasped the very essence of what this site is all about. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. Hopefully your SO sees the light and also realizes that you and his marriage are more important than feeding his P addiction. Thanks again.

Dave

howdy metalfossil-i honestly do not know what to say. i would like to think that your wife DOES love you unconditionally-but she has to LOVE HERSELF FIRST. she is not wanting to have to love you & your addiction. and yes-she probably is ready to live without you, because she has to do what is right for her. i pray that you will beat this addiction. im very new to this, & this site has helped me so much. i am looking forward to when my H will sign on. you have chosen to join this site, because you know that your wife & marriage are very important to you-hopefully more important than P. i pray you have the courage to beat this P & be able to show your wife just how much you truly love her. to prove to yourself that you are worthy of being loved. even with all your faults before this-she loved you, she still loves you. i love my H very much-but i have to do what is good for me, and hopefully he will do the same for himself. best of luck to you metalfossil-you & your wife are in my prayers.

[renee6]

howdy yall-so tonight i have to admit-im a little depressed/disappointed. tomorrow would've marked my H's 1st monthin his recovery...had he actually followed through with what he said he would do. you see, i had found out the 2nd week that he had viewed the "personals" on craigslist and when i asked him about it, he lied. i wasnt too upset about the viewing of the P-because realistically, there will be a relapse, i understand this-its hard. but the lies, the lies are what really P1ss3d me off! so my H has done everything he can to "make it up to me" he has been attentive, been "putting up" with my rules & he sees a therapist once a week on one of his days off. i made the computer password harder/stronger & he has not been able to log on. we talk every night about how we both feel, and i know i should be "alright", but im not. i wanted honesty-he could not deliver, NOW he is doing everything he can to make it work between us. why did it have to come to this? why the threat of me leaving? he is not ready for TTF-i wish he was, but he's not. im not going to push him-but i really wish he would join. i was so excited before, but im having a hard time letting go of the past-the lies, the sneaking, the hiding. i have my next appt on the 31st-i love my H, i know he is NOW trying-but i just feel different...