New Guy Here

[brokenone]

Hi guys, I am on my third day both on this site and in recovery. I have been addicted to p since I was 13 when I was given my first magazine. That later graduated to movies and then the internet. And I have been hooked. I have spent many hours looking through various pages and movies. Each time to come to an end where I am left feeling dirty, used (somehow) and hopeless at the fact that I have just spent all the time I have viewing what I have and for what? Nothing.
I feel hopeless in ever ridding me myself of this addiction. I have been hooked for so long and have tried before to quit. The periods where I did quit were great, but then I always went back somehow only to start over with the same pattern of behavior.
I want to be fully rid of it this time around and need help. I came here because this site looks like a place I may be able to get help.
Today is a good day, but what happens on those bad days when I am highly temped again?
Thats my fear and which is why I am here. I can't keep living like this.

Brokenone

[Disillusioned]

Hi Broken One,
Welcome to TTF. I am sad that you are here and needing the help that is available, and that you began your journey into the darkness that is p at such an early age, and even before having the opportunity and fulfillment of experiencing a true love relationship. I think P sets up such unreasonable expectations of what real, living women are like, what they want, what they need and hope for, that it has to be so much harder for a young man to re-train his mind from those early and intense visual experiences in order to be involved and satisfied with the ongoing intimacy and reality of a living, invested partner.
It can be done, as many others here will tell you, in their journals or in comments to your thoughts, or in chat rooms together.

You will have to set up some time to recognize when you are most vulnerable to being drawn back into using P. Many seem to find that times of stress and boredom are what we describe as triggers for using P. If this is true for you, you will have to have a plan of action so that when those times arrive, you will know you have to do what you have planned, as in step 1, 2 and 3 to avoid going back to the crutch that p has been in your life.

P is a bunch of lies, perpetuated by big business with the motivation of ensnaring more and more people into its habituation. It does not reflect real life relationships. It abuses its actors and deadens its viewers. It is a thief of time and dreams. It makes real women feel less than, instead of valuable. It is addicting, as you have noted. It tends to make you numb to feelings of disappointment and hurt, but at the cost of not developing successful tools to deal with these feelings in real life. You don’t want to waste another precious second of the life you have been given in the greed-oriented, fantasy world of P. I am hoping that with the support and helpful thoughts you will receive from others of us here who have gone through this, you will be able to recognize how to get this out of your life so that you can participate in the real world with all of your gifts and dreams.

Please take a look in the general discussion area at the 14 methods of denial or rationalization that p users employ in order to justify their use p to make it seem less
threatening to their wholeness or real relationships. I suggest printing them out and writing down all the ways that you have deluded yourself into thinking p is less evil and less of a thief in your real life. Do not make the mistake of labeling yourself evil. You have been caught in the web of lies that p is. Your basic goodness is still within and wanting a chance to bloom and grow again. P does not make you a bad person. P is what is bad, and needing eliminated from a life that needs to be fully experienced.

Hoping you are successful with your journey to take the higher road, Broken One. It is not an easy walk, but you have taken the first few difficult steps already in realizing that p is wasting your time and energy and that you want it gone.

Good luck.
disillusioned