The Journey Begins...

[DoneWrong]

Hi everyone
I’m at the beginning of the journey in my new life as a recovering PA.

It’s something that I want and need to do for myself, my wife and my relationship. My SO knows and after a lot of tears, pain and a lot of talking we are working through this together. I put all of my cards on the table which wasn’t easy, the shame, guilt and hurt that I felt and still do was so painful but the pain that I have caused my SO has probably affected me the most. I am so sorry HB.

I’ve read a fair bit from the net and here at TTF and have learnt a lot about what is wrong with me and how I’ve been affected most of my life. I started with magazines at the age of 10 and am now 42. There have been other addictions over time but this has always been there. Now it’s time to go. I’m currently 23 days clean and never ever want to go back to P or the person that I was then and was becoming (I think it was starting to slowly escalate).

My SO has read a lot from here and is extremely supporting and somehow still loves me.

I already feel like a completely different person and with the plans, guards and reasons to get better that I have in my head and in my heart I believe this is something I can conquer and become a better person, I know I can and I will.

TTF is an amazing site. The information, assistance and encouragement from other members is fantastic and I’ll be reading others postings and journals for a long time to come.

Thanks

[TYC113]

Welcome, Donewrong. I am so glad for your success so far and am glad that you have come to this site. This is excellent. You have already done something so difficult already by coming here and opening up about yourself. That is so huge. It sounds like you are really motivated to get better and to overcome this. This is great too.

Glad you came, donewrong.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

DoneWrong

Welcome to TTF, your new home, to get freedom, from this sick addiction

We are here for one reason, and that is to help each other through the problems that this addiction has caused us addict, but most importantly, the problems that it caused to our families.

I see that you are 23 days clean. what a wonderful start to your recovery. I am sure, that you feels so much better than you have in a long long time. the good news is, that each day that passes, and you are free from this crap, you only start feeling better. freedom from this, is full of happy days, and wonderful feelings.

Us addicts have caused so much pain to our household. the sad thing is, that we can not undo what we have done already. what happened yesterday, is a thing of the past, and since we cant change it, we look at today, to see what we can do, to start the healing process of the pain we have caused. and I see that this is just want you are trying to do.

It took a lot for you to come here, and admit that you are addicted to this crap, but by you doing so, shows that you do want help. so we are going to help you. you are now, a part of our family, and this family sticks together, and supports one another.

Now that you are on this road to recovery, please do what ever it takes, to get this crap out of your life. this road you are on, is bumpy, and full of potholes, but each day, it gets smoother for you, if you put the effort it takes, to get through this recovery. come here as much as you can, read through journals, to see how others are fighting this addiction. when you can, start your own journal, and let us know how you are doing, so we know how to help you. please do not get discouraged if we don't respond right away, because there are many here to try to help.

I am looking forward into following you journey here, and I will do what I can, to lead you on a path, that ends up with true happiness from this addiction.

I am 55 years old, had this addiction since I was around 12, and I have been clean for 10 months. I can not express just how good it feels, not having this crap controlling my life anymore.

I have never felt this good about myself, and I want you to feel as good as I do about life now.

Good luck to you in your revcovery

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[DoneWrong]

Thanks for your replies. It's very positive to get this encouragement and to know that support is here when I need it. :-)

[JenMac]

Hi DoneWrong! Welcome to TTF! We are glad you are here!
The pain that this trauma can cause in our lives is truly a staggering thing, but I was just speaking with my H Mac last night about this very thing. I have come to realize that without this trauma, we would not have moved on to this intense connection that we have forged through this pain and heartache. I would never have thought that I would be grateful for the intrusion of this in my life, but after 18 months and on looking back, I would have to say I almost am. It has brought us to a better place, it has brought us closer together in our thinking and it has been a fight worth fighting.
I know this will sound strange to you at this time. I don't expect you to understand it at all. But I am just here to say that recovery is possible and with the 2 of you working together there can be such benefits that you will have yet to imagine. I wonder if your wife is thinking of joining us? She would find much support and healing here as well.
Hope you find TTF to be the blessing to you and your marriage that it has been to me.
All the best!
Jenn

[waterlily327]

Hi DoneWrong, and welcome to TTF. I am sorry that you find yourself in a position where you need this site, but so happy that you have found our community in your time of need. I am very encouraged that you say you are here becasue you want to be. From what I have discovered in my time here, someone can push you for recovery, but the true recovery begins when you realize how much it means to you. And, congrats on your time being p*** free! That is wonderful start!

I do have some quick suggestions that I hope you will keep in mind...
--get rid of any and all p*** that you have (on your computer, movies, magazines, anything that might be triggering). The need to "test yourself" is a trap.
--start a journal in the recovery section so we can follow your progress
--if your wife is willing, encourage her to join TTF...our SO community is a thriving, supportive place
--find an accountability partner. Even if your wife wants to hear everything now, after going through this for some time, the weight of it might do more harm than good. Let her figure out what she wants or needs to hear. (For example, for me, hearing about every good-looking woman my fiance passed on the street ended up doing more harm than good...he can talk to someone else about that...I just wanted to hear about the big triggers)
--Stay open and honest with your wife and understand she needs time to recover now too
--Figure out what recovery means to you (getting rid of p***, getting rid of p*** and MB, etc.)


You sound like you are off to a great start. Again, welcome to TTF, and I hope you find it as helpful as so many others here have.