I'm not sure I can do this. Or that I want to.

[Daniel]

aconen7,

Right now your millions of digital girlfriends are telling you that survival without them is impossible.

That's a lie.

Survival with them is impossible. If you don't like the road you're on, then get on a different road! You know this, and like Gerald pointed out, it's only a matter of DOING.

P is a monster that wants only one single thing from you: MORE.

When we are on our death beds, I know to my soul that I will not be thinking "I wish I could have looked at one more..."

Couple of pointers in your Getting Started Phase:
1. Set short-term achievable goals
2. Break down your daily routine and see where and when the failures are occurring
3. Change up your routine to make failure difficult: "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."
4. Start your own journal
5. Do not fear rejection from this community if you come back with a bad report
6. To not start this journey to freedom is to condemn yourself to a lifetime of slavery (and misery)
7. We stand by ready to help you through this

Daniel
(on behalf of the TTF Community!)

[aconen7]

OK. It''s tomorrow morning and this is already difficult. My mind is making up excuses for why I should just go ahead and type in the URL to watch P, or skip the P and go straight to MB.

G-d this is hard!

[Charly22]

Here is why you should not just go ahead:

"This addiction has skewed my whole perspective on life...things that used to give me pleasure, rarely do any more. It wastes my time at times I can least afford to waste it. It compromises my attraction to my wife, and my ability to be with her. It makes me feel like an out-of-control low-life. I hate all of that. "

[Disillusioned]

Hi Aco, and welcome to TTF. I am sorry you have had problems with P and that it started as a vulnerable teenager. I am glad you are seeking a higher road and trying to figure out how to go about it. TTF has helped many people overcome it. I have learned so much about myself in the pages of these journals and so has my h. It is a good place to come, get advice, realize you are not alone or crazy. You are simply addicted. I wish the surgeon general would post that on the home page of every p site. That’s not likely to happen, Aco, as big business has noticed the large profits and is invested in P also. They have long arms that extend into everything. The DSM which is the bible of the psychiatric community’s diagnosis handbook does not recognize P as an addiction. Believe me, it is.

Studies have been done on lab rats when scientists attach electrodes to the pleasure center of the brain. When a rat presses on a bar, an impulse is emitted that stimulates the pleasure center, causing a rush of neurotransmitters which cause immediate sense of well-being and soothing. After some time of having access to this lever, the rats no longer shared any interest in eating or being with a receptive live female. So P corrupts the basic interest in a female of reproductive proportions and addicts the male to pixels of fantasy women. Many men experience ED as a result of long term P use, just like our lab
rat in a cage.

You are here and you want to change, you want to feel like a good human being again, you want to not waste time on something that has no value and is not productive, but you find you can’t. There are many others just like you. Many SOs have no idea this is a struggle their h is coping with. When they find out, they are devastated and trust is destroyed. Once that is gone, it is really hard to have a loving, devoted relationship again.

All men turn toward a woman of reproductive proportions, and that is a biological imperative. All men are subject to lust. It is when you feed the lust over and over, that it grows and begins to take over the whole mind. There are actual changes if you look in our general discussion pages.

Develop a plan for the times that you find yourself usually accessing a p site, and follow through. Many of our men find that if they do something physical, it really helps.

Good luck, Aco. It is a struggle everyday, but the good news is you only have to do it one day at a time, and sometimes you have to tell yourself, I’ll last till 10 o’clock. I can do that. When 10 comes, try making it till 12. Pretty soon you have a day in and that is an accomplishmed
disillusioned

[JenMac]

Hey A7!
It was just pointed out to me by another newcomer that noone has suggested you install a filter on your computer. I know that it has bee very helpful to many members here to do exactly that. There are many filters available. My H and I used K9 for the first year of recovery. It is free and also very good. Another good one is Covenant Eyes which has a low monthly cost.
Hope this helps!
Jenn

[aconen7]

I failed. This morning, right after I got off TTF. It was so demoralizing. I couldn't come back on the site and admit that only 5 minutes after everyone's words if encouragement, I failed. I think I knew I would give in, even as I was reading through journals on TTF. Injust couldn't atop myself. The thought of getting up from the computer and going to work without surfing P and MB was impossible to do. I guess the upside is that it was the only time ivdid it today. Usually I go three or four times. I guess that's something. This so hard.

[PER50NA]

just keep at it dont give up just comming here and posting is better then doing nothing it will get easier with time start focusing on what leads you to want P and find a way to counter it one of the best things you can do is to keep coming here and letting us know how your doing for better or worse the people here sincerely care and want to help

[aconen7]

I am stunned. I'm on day 4 of being porn-less. I haven't gone this long in...probably decades. Every time I think of going back to it, I get this resistant voice inside me that says "then you'll be back to zero and you'll have to start over." And it it's having to admit to all of you that I'm back to zero that makes it all real. I know it's only 4 days, but I have to thank you all.

It is a strangely satisfying feeling not to have porn in my life. I can't put my finger on why yet.

Anyways...thanks for the support so far. I told myself that if I made any progress at all, that I'd start a Journal, so my next post will be in a new thread in the journal area.

Aco

[DudeWaffle]

I am stunned. I'm on day 4 of being porn-less. I haven't gone this long in...probably decades. Every time I think of going back to it, I get this resistant voice inside me that says "then you'll be back to zero and you'll have to start over." And it it's having to admit to all of you that I'm back to zero that makes it all real. I know it's only 4 days, but I have to thank you all.

Aco,
I too used similar motivation at the beginning of my recovery. Telling myself that if I fail today it starts over from 0, and when I pray tonight I can't thank God for another day of sobriety. Call it pride, vanity, whatever, but if that works for you, use it!